to worry my son will be thick?

[ThisIsClara]

DS is 4 weeks old.

I'm not intelligent at all. I struggle with basic science and maths. Don't have great people skills. Am pretty rubbish at most things. Have no hobbies, no qualifications and work in a reception (not even very good at that). Struggled with the difference between your and you're for a long time and was slated for it once on mn so spent hours learning the difference.

DH is extremely clever. He gets frustrated with me sometimes as I can't keep up with even his basic conversation sometimes. He's really clever. He has a masters degree and is applying for a PhD.

I was bullied at school for being thick and would probably struggle financially if I hadn't have met DH.

I know I'm being ridiculous as our son is so young, but I need reassurance that he could still turn out like his dad and not me.

Is it possible that he could be smart like his dad even though I spend far more time with him?

You don't sound remotely thick - you sound very self aware, articulate and determined to give your baby the very best in life - I'm sure he will be a star.

There are all kinds of smarts - I've known some very 'clever' people who were truly thick, and some people who didn't get a huge amount of education who are very intelligent.

My sister never managed to do brilliantly academically - but she is way more intelligent than me - I've got the paper qualifications, but she has done way better than me because she has drive, compassion, and social skills in spades (she also a really lovely person damn her !! )

My PIL both left school at 13 with no qualifications - they had 2 children who both went to University, they have two GC who both went to university.

Enjoy your new bundle - I think he's a little boy who's landed in clover with you as his Mum

Your husband must have seen something in you for you to get together. His frustration at things you don't know is probably more obvious because in your interactions with him you don't come across as someone who wouldn't know about "X".

I think you have a golden opportunity now, in fact. Explore things with your child as he gets older. Read anything and everything you can with him. Your "gaps" can be filled as a process of discovery together. Find your local children's library and borrow books on history and science and anything else as well as picture story books to read with him.

I agree that you should look out for adult classes to do (not necessarily immediately, but keep your eyes open). Your difficulties at school will have been because things were missed and it is then hard to understand the stuff three steps on from something you don't know about. There may be specific issues that you could get support for, but actually with the history you describe there may not.

You also mention music - which strikes a hobby horse of mine :)
Listen to a wide range of music with your baby. And seriously, when the time seems right, look into getting instrumental lessons yourself. There are plenty of music teachers out there who are very happy to teach adults; and if you are available during the daytimes you could find someone who can be flexible about lesson slots, and possibly even cheaper, as their "busy" teaching time will be after school and evenings.

I look forward to hearing from you in a few years time after your son has started school, about what a lovely interesting and curious child he has become, driven by his interesting and curious mother!

I don't think you sound thick at all - you come across as articulate, observant and capable of reflection.

Now I don't want to be mean - although this might be, I promise you it's in context.

Have you heard of Alicia duvall? She was a party-girl/socialite who had a baby when she was 17 or so and was much more focused on her life. She had a second baby in her late-30s and was at a different place in life and whilst bringing up her toddler... Admitted she was learning alongside her - including the alphabet! And I KNOW you know your alphabet already!

Anyway, Alicia's eldest daughter always did very well at school and the youngest seemed to be doing well - all in spite of Alicia's lack of education herself.

Fwiw once you've got over this baby-soft business there's no reason you couldn't go back to study yourself.

I would like to challenge your perception of yourself.

You write very well. You do not write as someone who struggles.

You have expressed your feelings eloquently.

Your perception is based on lack of schooling and opportunity. But your intelligence is still there.

Grow with your son. Do music lessons together. Read to him and as the books evolve so will your reading skills.

Take him to museums and art galleries.

Listen to pod casts when he sleeps.

But learn an instrument as I think that's your love.

It's never too late. You sound fabulous. 😊

To echo a few others, you don’t strike me as thick in the slightest. Given the background you’ve talked about your writing is actually very eloquent for a despairing mumsnet post.

And I’ve got qualifications coming out of my ears and I still drop plenty of you’re and your slip ups.

Sounds to me like you just lack a bit of confidence in your intelligence, not that you lack intelligence. Treat your son’s education as a nice little revision course for you to rebuild that confidence.

And you won’t let him down, the fact you are worried about it proves that. You care about his education, that’s 90% of it, all you need to do is support him.

I want to know what hypoplastic breasts are (second post, page 1). Are they like the ones Katie Price has? Or am I thick?

Hi op, from what I can gather from your posts your mental health is quite fragile right now. You're fixating on something and blowing it up into a huge issue. I do the same when I'm running on empty, which I imagine you are with a 4 week old baby. Please go to the gp or talk to your HV about getting a MH assessment to access support.

Is your dh supportive right now? Does he ever say or do anything that makes you feel inferior, or does he say positive things and try to build you up?

Why is your DH with you if you are so thick?

Regarding you and your DH - if it helps, my late DH and I were completely different. My IQ borders on genius and I've always done very well academically. My DH was dyslexic and couldn't (and wasn't interested) in reading or studying or anything like that. But he was a mechanic and could fix cars & trucks & stuff! I would've even know where to start (and am not interested tbh). Just because he wasn't academic didn't mean he was thick or stupid by any long shot. He was just intelligent in a completely different way from me. Yet we loved each other, as I'm sure you're DH loves you.

Your baby is still young, but already his brain is growing and develping fast and soaking up experiences from the world around him, sounds, colours, smells textures,shapes.... The best thing you can do to help this development is to give him language, because language skills are the way we access learning and the world the best. so talk to him above it what you are doing , sing to him,say nursery rhymes and finger games with him, give him the vocabulary to make sense of his world. If you are in the house with him try to have times when there are no other aural distractions like the tv or music so he listens to your voice and what you are saying. Make sure he hears you and other adults talking, Language is the key,all other learning comes from it, and the first access to language we have is speech.

Oh OP. So much of what makes a person intelligent and educated is their start in life, not their genes. The fact that you are already worrying about this shows that you're going to be one of those parents that makes damn sure their child is nurtured and given the opportunity to make the most of himself.

I've taught many many bright children who do not have parents from well-educated backgrounds. Your child has one very bright, highly qualified parent and another parent who is desperate to give him the best chances in life (and who is probably much brighter than she thinks).

Not being good at maths and science doesn't mean you're thick, though scientists often like give that impression

I can barely count but I have an MA in a subject that basically involved reading a lot of books and then having an opinion about them on paper. Going by the way you write on here I bet you could do that too if you wanted (though possibly not something to take on with a 4 week old!)

Meant to say when he starts to babble that is him speaking to you, take it seriously, acknowledge it, respond to him and start a dialogue.

My husband is super smart compared to me - I am dyslexic (just had to google how to spell that and then copy and paste it to make sure I got it right) and I can struggle with things that others wouldn't even think about. But I bring other stuff to my kids lives - compassion, patience (another word I had to google for spelling) and unconditional love.

PND can have a massive effect on your self esteem and 4 weeks in can be a hard baby wise. Once you are a bit further on maybe try something new (like getting a keyboard and watching piano lessons on you tube) - when I was 4 months in with my 2nd DS I did the C25K running programme using a free app and it was lovely to do something just for me.

DH and I have three degrees between us and professional careers. Our child is in the bottom set for most subjects and shows no academic ability so far. It is not a given that you a person will take after their parents!

You have exactly the right attitude to bringing out the best in your child. I think if you had different opportunities you would be more confident. I hope your husband will also encourage your child and spend time with him. Enjoy this time, they grow fast, point things out to him, talk to him.
Lots of very successful clever people were rubbish at school, Winston Churchill, Richard Branson. Build yourself up, perhaps have some counselling or do a class, join a reading group. Anything that gives you an opportunity to find your hidden strengths. Good luck

My mum was thick as mince but I'm pretty bright like my dad. I got top grades through school and a science degree. My mum was also a lovely, unique, warm and selfless woman who everyone adored. Intelligence isn't everything.

Oh! I meant also to say I went to uni with a lot of mature students who hadn't had much of a chance with education the first time round but had come back to it later in life. One woman on my course did her first degree in her 30s before having a baby, did her MA part time around a toddler, and last I heard was slogging her way through a PhD. I've lost touch now but she'll be a Dr now and a fantastic example to her daughter.

You absolutely don't come across as unintelligent, OP. You sound like a reflective person whose potential has been held back so far. You also sound like a great mum.

Would swimming be a good start? Book yourself some 1:1 swimming lessons, or an adult learners lesson if that is more affordable. I know a woman who learned to swim in retirement. It's never too late!

*your, not you're

My dad has always thought he is thick. Honestly he's not in the slightest, he does brilliant things, but he didn't really attend school growing up either and left at 14 to work to support his family. It's left him with a complete lack of faith in his own intelligent, despite the obvious evidence to the contrary... Anyway your son will be fine. You'll make sure of it because you were let down OP, and his is why you feel like you do. Your husband may well be incredibly intelligent but you are not thick!!!!

Not going to school and not having many opportunities to find out about life leaves you lacking in education. However this isn't the same as being 'thick'.

Actually, your posts suggest that you have plenty of intelligence. (It would probably boost your confidence to take up your education again - when you have time and energy. You might really surprise yourself.)

More importantly, you sound a really loving and caring mother. Your child has this on his side. Lucky him!

In answer to your question: You won't pass on your difficulties unless you also keep your child away from opportunities to learn and leave him believing that he isn't good at anything. That isn't going to happen!

NB On your point about your husband getting impatient with you sometimes. I know quite a few 'brilliant' scientists. They are not always great communicators - and often struggle to make themselves understood in the world outside their special subject.

(Perhaps when your husband struggles to explain things to you it isn't actually your fault!)

" I feel like I could've been great at music"

He might take after you in that way. When he's a bit bigger, I suggest you buy a ukulele and learn to play and sing on it and sing songs to him.

That will be really really good for him whichever parent he takes after.

Lacking educational qualification does not make you ‘thick’. As others have said you post comes across as someone who is clearly intelligent. I have grown up DSs - all have surprised me (in a positive way) - but none of them are anything like I anticipated (and I couldn’t be happier!). Enjoy your wonderful child.

I work in FE and have taught maths and English to adults of all ages. For English I assess samples of writing to stream students into the appropriate level classes. Looking at your posts I would have no hesitation in placing you in the GCSE stream which is the highest we offer to adult learners. I would be thinking you were a guaranteed pass! I think you are judging yourself against your husband’s exceptional academic success rather than the average person in the street. Considering your poor educational background you may be well above average yourself to be able to write in such an articulate and reflective way. I think your son will be just fine