Husband has just walked out for a few days to clear his head...was I BU

[astorminabcup]

So long story short tonight my husband and I decided to take the kids out for a bit of dinner, nowhere fancy just local Wetherspoons type place. Anyway, 11-year-old DS went in a bit of a huff cause he was told he had to pick of child's menu. He eventually chose but still had a sad face on so hubby spat the dummy and says we are now leaving because of DS mood. Cue long silent drive home as hubby is now in a mood.

We get home and he then tells me that DS has spoilt the night and as such he will not be coming to his upcoming birthday meal, I say this is being silly we area family and we are all going. He says under no circumstance is DS going to a family meal. So now there is an atmosphere.

Eventually, I decided that the silence is killing me and I'm not putting up with it only to be told that this is all because I am too soft on DS (he was told off by me for his antics. DS apologised and was told that it wasn't good enough, that he was f'ing sick of him being moody little shit and that he would not be going anywhere with the family again. When I say this is out of order, that he has apologised. OH storms off, saying he has had enough and has now gone upstairs packed an overnight bag and said he will be back in a few days.

Is DS a pain in the backside right now? Yes, eveything is a bloody chore. Is he not cheeky, never gets in trouble at school and everyone tells us how well behaved he is.

So am I being unreasonable for think OH is being an arse or is he in the right for blowing his top.

Help

Aw your poor son. Give him a hug. Tell him you're sorry his dad's being an area. My nine year old hates the children's menu. She will order a meal off the adults menu. We don't have a problem with it..as long as it gets eaten!

What a horrible, vindictive man you are married to treating and talking to an 11 year old child in that manner. Complete and utter overreaction to a bit of a huff and a sad face, your son didn't shout and scream the place down unlike your dummy spitting tit of a husband, what a grade A role model he is.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but why on earth did you not let your son order from the Main Menu? It was petty to force him to order from the Children's Menu when he so obviously preferred what was on offer on the Main Menu - you could have asked for a smaller portion if you were concerned it would be too much for him.

I would tell your OH to not bother coming back.

Where has he gone? And how evil to do that to a child, will your DS pick up/feel that your H has gone because of him? (I understand of course that it's not actually because of DS or his fault in any way).

Sounds like he was angling for a few days away - he sounds like a total idiot

Not area, I meant arse...damn spell check!

DS apologised and was told that it wasn't good enough, that he was f'ing sick of him being moody little shit and that he would not be going anywhere with the family again.

Hateful. It would be your husband not going anywhere with the family again if he were mine.

Your dh is being unreasonable.

Let him go, and stay gone!

Why did the DS have to choose off the kids menu? Thats a bit mean!! So he gets stuff he doesn't want whilst you enjoy the food you like and he should eat with a smile on his face? My kids get to choose their food (within reason) and if nothing is appealing in kids menu there are starters they could have instead, adult mains they can share or we can share, twists to mains we can ask the restaurant to do (maybe not at a weatherspoons, dunno) etc surely going out to eat should be enjoyable for all.
Your DH has acted like a real child. If he is so immature, not able to face his responsibilities, then no wonder DS is acting up as a pre-teen.

Whaaaat? Massive overreaction. What's really going on with DH? Is he stressed?

Yuk. Your poor son. You need to stick up for him. Your husband is an arse.

Why is your 11 year old being asked to choose something off the kids menu? My 9 yr old chooses from the adults menu and has done for a year or so. Your poor boy having to apologise for asking for a decent sized meal.

Your OH is behaving like a child. Enjoy your time with your ds. Men can be drama queens too.

tbh I doubt this is just about ds ordering off kids menu .Everyone has there limit some people do need to walk away from a situation to calm down is he that type of person .He has not left because of tonight meal bet it's a number of issues building .If one of my kids kicked off and spoilt the evening I would make them miss a few outings to let them know there behaviour has consequences.

Honestly? I wouldn't let him come back.

Hate all these 'is he the father?' posts. Decent men don't treat their step kids like this. Very offensive.

He sounds like a 5 year old
Let him stay gone

Why was he expecting an 11 year old to eat a child's portion? They're usually only fit to feed a gnat.

Sounds like he was picking a battle deliberately.....

He packed a bag and left? Sorry to break it to you OP but you've been living with a man who has the emotional intelligence of a two year old.

If he struggles with an 11 year old who has a bit of a mardy face on, how on earth would he cope with a 15 year old who really challenges him?

Also, how tight is your OH?! It was a Wetherspoons, not the Ritz. Both my boys were choosing off the adult menu wherever we ate at that age. They needed more than a tiny portion of pasta or five chicken nuggets and were capable of eating an adult portion.

Your OH told your DS that he won't be going on his (OH presumably) birthday meal, or anywhere with your family ever again, and he was verbally abusive to DS. He needs to apologise to DS and to you. He also needs to reflect on how he's behaved and tell you what he'll do differently in the future - or you'll just be waiting for the next time he kicks off about something and that's no way to live.

Oh, and show him this thread just to hammer home what a knob he is.

I'm wondering whether that bag was already packed.

An 11 year old should not eating off of the children's menu. This are very small portions for young children and I've seen 8 year olds plough through them. An 11 year old would no doubt be starving and humiliated to be picking from a menu that probably has a dinosaur or something on it! Your DH has been abusive to DS tonight. Personally I'd be telling him that if he's happy to just waltz off and leave you to deal with it then he might as well stay out and not bother coming back. You need to be protecting DS from his awful comments and sweeping statements.

My sense is that your husband has some issues with you. He wants to leave and is using your son unfairly as a scape goat.

It is wrong for him to make your son think it is his fault. This can have detrimental impact on your son to think he is at fault for problems in your relationship or for your husband leaving.

Your husband sounds awful and callous.

I think your husband has left you. Is he the real dad or step? Why is an 11 year old eating off the kids menu? Choose your son over this loser and in future let him pick from the adults menu.

DS apologised and was told that it wasn't good enough, that he was f'ing sick of him being moody little shit

Your son is 11! Tell your husband not to come back until he can behave like an adult.

I'm not blaming you, OP, but something has triggered this behaviour from your OH.

This^. You do need to talk to him and try to get him to open up; but he needs to treat his family with respect.

Why was an 11 year old picking off the child's menu?

Poor kid.

I'm wondering whether that bag was already packed

I'm wondering as well.

Stick up for your son OP. He doesn't get banished from family outings.