Husband has just walked out for a few days to clear his head...was I BU

[astorminabcup]

So long story short tonight my husband and I decided to take the kids out for a bit of dinner, nowhere fancy just local Wetherspoons type place. Anyway, 11-year-old DS went in a bit of a huff cause he was told he had to pick of child's menu. He eventually chose but still had a sad face on so hubby spat the dummy and says we are now leaving because of DS mood. Cue long silent drive home as hubby is now in a mood.

We get home and he then tells me that DS has spoilt the night and as such he will not be coming to his upcoming birthday meal, I say this is being silly we area family and we are all going. He says under no circumstance is DS going to a family meal. So now there is an atmosphere.

Eventually, I decided that the silence is killing me and I'm not putting up with it only to be told that this is all because I am too soft on DS (he was told off by me for his antics. DS apologised and was told that it wasn't good enough, that he was f'ing sick of him being moody little shit and that he would not be going anywhere with the family again. When I say this is out of order, that he has apologised. OH storms off, saying he has had enough and has now gone upstairs packed an overnight bag and said he will be back in a few days.

Is DS a pain in the backside right now? Yes, eveything is a bloody chore. Is he not cheeky, never gets in trouble at school and everyone tells us how well behaved he is.

So am I being unreasonable for think OH is being an arse or is he in the right for blowing his top.

Help

Sorry.....more to this that you may not be aware of.

My DS has managed an adult portion since approx 11-12. This just sounds like a normal pre teen sulk to me, if your DH can’t cope with this it’s a poor sign tbh. It could be a lot worse.

Your H sounds like a prat of the first order. When my DDs were 11 they were definitely ordering off the adult menu - and polishing it off too. Is money an issue, or is he just mean spirited?

As for running off with an overnight bag - I wouldn't let him back home until I'd had a grovelling apology from him, and one for your DS too. What a pathetic man-baby.

If he thinks a bit of face pulling over a meal is worth packing up and walking out over he'll be bloody emigrating when teenage hormones kick in properly. He's a bit of a knob OP.

Exactly. Someone had a tantrum this evening and it wasn't your 11 year

What’s the backstory OP? I presume there is one.

I would be deeply unimpressed by DH behaving in that manner. I could possibly forgive saying if we’re not enjoying ourselves let’s go home - although I think it was childish tbh - but to continue being a dick when you got home? All over an 11 having a sulk? he must have been looking for an excuse to leave.

God almighty! No way would I have put up with any of that! Your dp is TOTALLY out of order. What a dramatic overreaction.

I'd be telling him not to bother coming back. What an arse.

Your DH is an arse. He should be ashamed of how he's behaved.
Your DS shouldn't have sulked, but he's not the first to have done so and he apologised when you had it out with him.
What worries me is that your DS probably thinks he's caused your DH to leave. That if the family breaks up it will be his fault. I've been a child in that situation. It never left me. Please reassure your DS that his DF has made his own choice tonight, and it isn't in any way DS's fault.

Your DS was not being bratty. A child's meal in most places isn't enough of a meal for an 11 year old; both of my DCs were eating from the adult's menu by the age of 10.

Your OH, OTOH, is being the brat here. Stalking off in a huff like this suggests a couple of things.

Is your DS normally badly behaved, as your OH claims?
Does your OH try to be very strict all the time?
Is OH DS's Dad? If not, might explain why he's on at you about DS a lot right now. DS will be at an age where he's finding his voice.
Have there been any other issues in the relationship recently? This is a real overreaction from your OH.

I'm not blaming you, OP, but something has triggered this behaviour from your OH.

Another one wondering if your DH is your DS’s Dad ? Also DGS12 would not be anywhere near satisfied with a meal from the children’s menu !

I was on holiday in a B & B with my husband and 2.5 year old child. Yes every meal time was a bit of a challenge and also getting them to sleep in the shared (us) room also. One day my dh(!) threw his teddy out of the pram saying he couldn't cope and was going to leave the holiday and possibly the marriage as well. He didn't , but fast forward a good few years and we are not married now !

I wonder where he's gone?

Anyway, OP please reassure your DS he isn't to blame, he could easily take the blame on himself.

When any of mine were 11 the children's meal would have been a starter. He probably knew he would end up hungry after his meal and that would make me grumpy too. I think there must be something else going on with your husband.

Your DH has been ridiculous, I'm also wondering if he's your DS's biological dad.

I would think most 11 year olds would want to pick off an adult menu, & in somewhere like Spoons the cost difference wouldn't be that much surely?

Most 11 year old boys would still be quite hungry with children's menu rations. Absurd to expect that.

And 11 year olds are indeed moody at home ... but it sounds like you pulled him up on it, he's apologised, but your DH is still determine to beat him over the head with it. Good for you for telling him he's not being reasonable, because he's not.

Your DH was looking for a reason to go; he's acting like a twat.

So your DH’s reaction to your son throwing a strop was to errrm throw a strop?! Might want to text him a few links about learned behaviour!

YABU for thinking a child’s meal from Wetherspoons will fill an 11 year old.

Your husband sounds like an alpha male prick.

Hmmm. Odd one. I remember we (now 15) making meals times that stressful that i couldn't eat.

Eating out was awful and made me really anxious. I lost my temper a couple of times, not to the extent the Ops dh did though.

So, I am wondering if op is minimising the day behaviour. The husband went way over the top. That's not ok.

But I am wondering if ops view is slightly to far the other way too.

And yes it's weird to off the kids menu for an 11 year old, unless he wanted to.

I would think there is something else going on with your dh. This reaction can't all be about a pouting 11 year old at a pub dinner.

Do you have any inkling what else could be behind it? Has there been any other out of character behaviour from dh lately? Is this out of character for him?

Honestly, if my dh had done this in a similar scenario (my god the ping-pong we've had over the years about ds2 wanting to "double up" his burger or order extra garlic bread, from the age of about 8) I would be worried that his mental health wasn't what it should be.

God, what a mess OP. I completely get how something that’s supposed to be a pleasant treat can end up a crap-fest because of a child not playing ball (my DS once threw a huge strop because we were going straight to mains and not having a starter 🤨🤨🤨🤨 - we went home)..

It’s also really easy to row with your partner about it - me & my DH have certainly had kid-triggered rows, but leaving ‘for a few days’ is very strange behaviour.

Could he be looking for an excuse to go elsewhere? Are things generally good otherwise?

Child's menu is for little people. Preteens eat like adults, kiddy food is shit anyway.

I'm another who's concerned that 11yo will feel that he's to blame for all this.

11yo sounds like a typical 11yo, and tbh I'm not surprised he sulked at having to order off the children's menu.

DH is a dick. Also wondering where he's gone?

Your dh hasn't left because of your ds, there's something else going on. I'd be suspicious of your dh now, and why he's acting this way.

Your husband sounds awful. My partner is not kind to me and moody but he would never treat our child like this. The main reason I am with him still is because he is such a loving father to our child. If he was so unkind to our daughter as your husband has been to your son I would leave him like a shot to be honest. And we have let our child choose from the adult menu or the child’s menu for as long as I can remember. She is only 9 now but if we take her out for a meal she is entitled to choose the meal she wants to eat just like we are. Am sorry but he is very unreasonable and downright nasty to use this situation as an excuse to leave your family home. Your poor son.

Husband is a pig, enjoy the peace, have lovely time without him, perhaps you won't want him back