AIBU or has DP been a twat

[Hocusypocus]

DP works nights but came home last night at midnight as there was an issue at work, he woke me up to ask me to set an alarm on my phone for very early morning so he didn't miss football (he plays every Sunday, straight after he gets off work) then proceeded to keep me up until gone 1:00am. He couldn't use his own alarm apparently, as his phones playing up.

I have a baby at home and am pregnant so need whatever sleep I can get at the moment.

He stays up watching TV until gone 2, disturbing me again when he came to bed then proceeded to keep me up for the remainder of the night with his snoring. I then get woken again by his stupid alarm going off on my phone.

He goes to football this morning and calls after the match to say he's just finishing an after match pint (uncommon for him so no problem there) and do I want to meet him in town in 25 minutes after I've collected a parcel, so we can take DS to the park and grab some dinner.

I collect the parcel and go to town, standing about with the pram for over half an hour. I text him to say I'm here then he rings and says he'll be another hour because his team mate has got him another pint, but it's not his fault because he didn't ask for it.

I say well what do you want me to do then? He replies that it's up to me. Irritated and tired I hung up and came home.

AIBU and hormonal or has he acted like a twat.

Well done OP, you've articulated why he's been such a bastard really well.

I'm going to plan something with DM or a friend for next Sunday morning then dump DS on him whilst he's getting ready for football and see how he likes that.

@Hocusypocus I have no particularly useful thoughts over than I think you sound like a fucking legend - let him sulk on the sofa!

*other thoughts

@VickyMcCluresAccentThough Aw thank you!

And thanks to everybody else posting who leant an ear to my ranting, what a shitty day.

The fact that he denies behaving in a disrespectful manner is particularly galling. Well done for pulling him up though, it sounds like he needs a bloody reality check.

Well done OP! He's a thundercunt.

I hope you get a good night's sleep without him next to you.

If he doesn't respect you, leave him.

Good for you - know it's hard but you said the right things - he just now needs to grow up and take in on board. You need to do stuff every Saturday for a few weeks so that he sees what your days are like, then maybe he'll think twice

He should have behaved like a big boy necked the second pint.

I'm sorry op, but for the life of me, I can't work out why it's important if he cheated or not.

Becayse he treated you like shit. Like an inconvenience. And every one of his mates knew it. He left you standing there, for thirty mins in the cold with your baby, then he all but told you to fuck off, to do as you pleased as his pint was more important than you and your child.

I don't have a world class relationship but I can tell you now, my husband has never and would never do this to me. Yours does. Why? Possibly as he knows he will get a bit of a shouting at and then it will be done.

You need to think about why you're letting this man treat you like this.

His behaviour and treatment of you has been appalling. And no remorse either!
I think you need to take some sort of serious action or threat, as not to will only allow him to continue to treat you so badly.

He's a child, what does he want from you? Badmouthing you to mates is not on, he really needs a wake up call. Hope you can say how you feel and why, make him understand this can't go on, put him under heavy manners. Do you want to continue with him? Things need to change. Good luck op.

"A couple of years ago he was unfaithful and had a one night stand."

Yes you really are a mug, I'm afraid.
It's good that you told him how you felt but it won't change anything.
I think you need to find your self respect and end the relationship.

No FUCKING way the second I saw his drunk face I’d only ask him if he wants a BURIAL or CREMATION and what PICTURE for the OBITUARY!!!! I’m not shitting you OP his belongings would be on the front lawn lawn and he’d be locked out-I’d be at a lawyer’s office ASAP Monday morning! I’ve been married almost 26 years and it isn’t perfect but that sonofabitch you’re married to is scum

Sorry about your shitty day, @Hocusypocus

This is just the kind of thing my DH used to do. I gave him a hugely hard time every single time he did it. Now he doesn't do it any more. He did finally get the message - he is a nice person, just a bit of an idiot who didn't realise how he should be treating me.

The last time he did something like that, I did quite seriously talk about divorce, (crucially, I meant it - I was planning to start proceedings) and that seems to have been the time that he cottoned into the fact that I deserved a lot more respect.

Hope your DP gets a wake-up call over this - as long as it's on his own phone, obvs 

Maybe think about why you're putting up with such poor treatment? I mean he's cheated on you once, maybe he thinks he can do what he likes because after that you'll put up with anything? Cheating again is your line in the sand... but he's already done it once. Aside from anything else the lack of care for his pregnant partner would have me thinking very very carefully about if that's what I wanted for the rest of my life.

Seriously. There are kind decent men out there. This one isn't one of them.

Sorry you've had such a shitty day OP

I'm angry on your behalf. I'm quite a relaxed wife in this regard, but he has behaved in a really immature and thoughtless way today. I can't believe he's not even trying to make it up to you.

I had YEARS of this shit. My ex was a 'recovering' alcoholic, and as grateful as I am for my dd, I can't stand him. He was a useless father and an even worse partner. She hasn't seen him for 15 years, he made contact via FB a couple of years ago, and she doesn't want to know.

My only regret is staying with him for so long. I'm not trying to suggest your dh has a drink problem btw, that part is kind of irrelevant. It's the complete and utter disregard for you. Makes me mad.

He needs to be having a word with himself.

Good job on saying what you did. Let's hope he listens.

I forgave the cheating because I wanted to keep our family together, he went above and beyond to regain my trust and make amends. I stayed on the condition that it never happened again and the understanding was that if it did, I'd be gone.

He was great for a substantial period of time afterwards but now we're past the infidelity he's clearly gotten comfortable disrespecting me, albeit in a different way.

He really does believe he hasn't done anything wrong, he sees it as just spending the afternoon in the pub and wonders what he big deal is. He's so ignorant.

Like I mentioned on the first page (I think) this isn't the norm for him, it's uncharacteristic for him to do what he's done here today, but it is so disrespectful it's now making my second guess giving him the benefit of the doubt and forgiving him for the last time he took me for a mug.

YANBU. Inconsiderate. I'd be raging.

You should tell him how you feel. How would he feel if it was the other way around? He's an adult capable of managing his own schedule.

To be honest I'm pretty moody and just the waking me up part would have had me raging 👍.

I'd be buying him an hint-hint alarm clock for Xmas 😂.

I'm the bad one now and he's the wounded party because I told him I should've thought longer and harder about having DC to somebody like him, referring to the lack of respect.

That one comment from me which I feel is perfectly reasonable given today's antics has blown his shitty behaviour out of the water, apparently.

He'll zone in on that one comment and dwell on it for days now.

Why is it his perogative to sit in the pub all afternoon? The men I know who I class as decent fathers consider themselves equal parents. That means they are responsible for their child unless other arrangements have been made. The default assumption that mum has sole charge unless agreed otherwise is pretty much the hallmark of a twat. With 2 kids, especially when they are very young, life is much harder with only one parent there. I'd find going out all day without warning or discussion - nevermind standing you up - unforgivable. He needs to change before your new baby is born.

Don't let him pull that shit.

Remind him that if he had acted like a respectful partner and parent today you wouldn't have had to make such a comment.

Next he will be saying he "just needs some time to escape" and he's finding it hard being a parent and supporting you in pregnancy.

I’d be raging, the fact he did it when you are also pregnant and had your other dc with you is just total disrespect