To want to see DD 3yo on Christmas Day

[agirlhasnonameX]

By the time Xmas comes she will be 3. I have her all week and her dad has her Fri-Sun.
I have another DD too, who I have all the time.
Last year the LO was with us in the morning, then her grandad drove her dad through to pick her up at 1oclock and he had her the rest of the day. Not ideal for DD to have the long journey after the excitement of the morning, but worked out ok.
This year DD's grandmother has said they won't be driving through, which I understand, but that they want DD to be with them this year.
I know it sounds silly and I know she will have lots of Christmas', but I hate the thought of not seeing her on Christmas, of her not being with her sister, of her Santa toys being under the tree unopened. And I know her dad & grandparents will likely feel the same, but am I wrong to think that because this is her main home, that she has a sister and because I am her main carer that I should be able to say that if we can't find a way to split the day, that I want her to stay with me?

Is there a reason that you don't drive? If you feel really strongly about it then it might be worth you learning and then you can still split the days and take it in turns to drive each year.

Tuesday is ‘your’ day. You are willing to split it but you feel she should have the morning at home. Is there any way your ex could stay on Christmas Eve and share the morning?
I am afraid the grandparents’ wishes are irrelevant and I say that as a grandma.

I'd say split the day and it's up to her father to organise transport.

Quite simply a court will award alternate years so it doesnt matter what the OP is comfortable with. And it isn't up to the gps to collect its up to the childs dad and he doesn't drive either. So if he wants to see his child then alternate Christmas is what will happen.

At 3, she'll barely know which day is Christmas Day - so have it a day early with her instead.

I would tell them that they need to split the day or have her Boxing Day instead.
Tbh they’re manipulating you into letting them have the full day because they’re the ones who drive and hold all the power tbh you have no other way of getting to her on Christmas Day.
If I were you I’d learn to drive before next Christmas so you can split the day equally in future still.

I would say no. They are taking the piss as its your usual day and if you dont stand your ground now they are going to walk all over you. You dont have to be rude about it though, they may well change their mind and agree to drive if they realise its that or nothing.

but that they want DD to be with them this year.

Oh do they? Well, they can want that all they like, but it's not actually their decision, is it? It's the parents, and you should also be guided by what your dds (both of them) want.

It's not the responsibility of the grandparents to provide the driving to be honest. As I said I'm a non driver myself and if I asked my parents to drive me and DS around every Christmas day they'd tell me no chance!

It's up to both parents to provide arrangements for Christmas. Either by alternating every year or learning to drive themselves or paying for taxis.

I think the issue has to be sorted out between you and your child's father, not with the grandparents.
It's up to him to organize transport, not the grandparents. If he can't persuade them to drive him ( and it's a big ask on Xmas day) then he needs to sort out something else, like a cab. I don't imagine there will be buses operating in Xmas day, so that's not an option.
I can see Why they want to have her all day, it makes their lives much easier. But you are her mother , you carried her and have birth to her, I think your wishes trump dad's,actually.

What does your daughter want to do? As long as there are no issues over her safety then you should be encouraging and facilitating this contact.

I know its hard, I spend every other Xmas without my children and it's not What I want but we do it because it's the right thing for them. Sometimes often you have to put your feelings aside and just get on with it.

Why do people keep saying its your usual day to have her. Christmas day is treated differently. It doesn't matter what day of the week it falls on.

Do it a day early. We have a blended family so every other year we do our own little Christmas on 23rd/24th December. There’s something special about knowing we have this little bubble of celebration just for us as the rest of the world is still buzzing about buying things. The kids love it as they get their presents “early”.

I always think there’s something really lame about parents who insist Christmas should be spent with them because they’ve earned it through being the main carer.

Some people I know just alternate Christmases no matter who is supposed to have the kid on the day. What does the Dad say? Have yo actually said "it's my day on that day"? If he wants her it should be up to him to organise the transport seeing as he's putting you out, no?

How old is your other daughter ? Can you not hold it a day early at yours ?

I get this is really hard for you op however for your DD having memories of times spend with dad and his family for Christmas will be something really important when she grows up (Take that from one who has no memories of her father around Christmas time as my mother did not want to give up time with me)

So yes it will be tough but you can create special time with your older dd. You can even do christmas on Boxingday/27th it doesn't have to be on the 25th..

However for your DD's sake.. Do look at the long term of her having 2 loving families who both want her around. Every second year will be hard only the year she is not with you. Swapping halfway through will be hard every year. As You know she will go soon.

Dad will want to see her unwrap presents and stockings just as much as you do..

I think you need to alternate the years; just because you’re her primary carer doesn’t mean you automatically should have her at Christmas.
Work our who should have her this year even it’s by flipping a coin then the other has her next year

Also would echo what was said previously about sorting it out amicably.. Reality is if it went to court it is a very fair request to have her every 2nd Christmas and he will be very likely to get that. Instead of making it a negative thing turn it into something positive. Your dd has a family apart from you and her sister who loves and cares about her.

So she's never going to have a Christmas day just with her father ever. The options are either; split the day or; your house. That sounds like the precedent you're trying to set, which is a bit shitty.

Well, it's your day with her as Christmas falls on a Tuesday . Your offer to split the day is generous, so if they don't want to arrange to pick her up halfway through the day then they can celebrate Christmas with her on Friday.

You have a few options.

Split the day and use a taxt.

Invite your ex, with or without your ex ILs.

Start alternate years.

Let her go to ex's and then have your Xmas day another day. YOu might be surprised how many families do two Xmases or give presents on different days. Maybe Xmas eve is the day you and both dds celebrate?

Obviously it depends on your older dd, is she young enough to be cnned into thinking Xmas eve is Xmas day?

Would the grandparents drive on Xmas eve? You could have a lovely family Xmas, see both girls open their presents and then in the evening put dd in PJs so she can sleep on the journey and wake up at her grandparents for a second day?

If she iw with your ex Xmas day when will she come to you? How will she get to you?

My SDCs are now a little older. Their parents split when they were 4 and 5. They have done both split-day xmases and alternate year xmases. They say they prefer alternate because splitting the day is more rushed.

At that age, I too would have hated not spending the day with my kids as did my ex so we agreed on split day. One year I drove, the next he did.

If neither drive I would have said for a taxi, as it would have meant more to me than any Xmas dinner or present.

And for people saying ask the DD what she wants - she's 3 years old, that's a big ask for a 3 year old and a court wouldn't take a 3 year old's wishes into consideration.

A taxi is surely not feasible at all in this situation- an hour there and back for either parent, 2hrs in a taxi on Christmas day youre talking a couple hundred pounds with it being double time?