He said he preferred me slimmer...:-(

[Autvet]

Slept with an old flame this week... after he said he preferred me slimmer and when I painted my nails etc etc ( I’ve put a couple of stone on since last seen him , mostly down to comfort eating if I’m honest as life has been very difficult recently). Now he’s apologetic because I’m upset ! I can’t get over this comment though ... and don’t want to see him again.. it’s really really upset me ... AIBU?:-(((

No. What a nasty thing to say 🌷🌷🌷

But he still closed his eyes and thought of England while he shagged you?
No YANBU, he's an arsehole.

Yanbu he's a twat, would you ever say that to him?

Outrageous! Say “yeah, bit of disappointment for me too, you weren’t as good in bed as I remembered....”

Tell him you liked him younger. What a twat he is.

Well, did you ask him outright if he preferred you slimmer? You can't be too upset if you did ask, but he doesn't really sound like a keeper. My DH, who isn't even terribly romantic, wouldn't answer that question (he knows it's a trap 😂), or would say he loves me at any size.

Out of the blue?

I'd have said. "I preferred you when you weren't an are hole and not to mention when you were 'slightly' better in bed. None of my business but I hope you've no plans to shag this arse hole in the future.

I told him I felt very self conscious about how I looked and was worried about being a disappointment. He said “ok , honestly? I like you lighter , and I like it when you paint your nails and wear lipstick. “ so yes in a way I guess I did ask him . He’s now saying he loves me anyway but this is meaning very little after his previous comment tbh

"and don’t want to see him again.."

So don't. He's a prick. It was designed to upset you, to make you feel grateful.

Just remind yourself why it ended the first time round and move on. He's not a nice man. He still slept with you, found you attractive enough to get his rocks off, but waited until after to drop his manipulative little insult. Eurgh.

Oh no you didn't ask him outright there, he sounds like a shit and I wouldn't see him again.

Not a nice thing for him to say, but it sounds like you were seeking reassurance and he decided to be honest. At least he didn't lie to get you into bed again.

I'd ignore him and find someone who likes your body as it is.

"He’s now saying he loves me anyway"

Oh gee thanks Brad Pitt!
Christ in a bike. He's a massive twat.

Let’s see if he still loves you if you don’t shag him for 6 months.

My husband would come out with shit like this, unprovoked, in our first year together. 20 years on I still wonder why we’re together and resent him for that ill-thought out, hurtful bullshit. Don’t see him again!

Yeah he handled that very badly, what did he expect you to say to that?

So you didn't actually use the words 'Tell me the Gods honest truth regardless of how harsh. Did you find me more attractive when I was slimmer.

He kicked you when you were down, basically. Please wipe him out of your life now. Otherwise he will ebb away at what little confidence you do have.

Are we really surprised that a man preferred you when you looked more attractive?

Im fat, and suffer no delusions how that impacts my attractiveness

Araiwa... that’s a bit mean!

Never tell a woman she's fat, even if you think it. We may ask but we don't want to hear it, we know if we are overweight.

Best not to ask really, that's why I'm still fat.

Im sorry

I didnt mean specifically you but i know im more attractive when slimmer and made up

What exactly did you ask?

You run the risk of the answer you don’t want if you ask...

Yanbu...bin him off..hes an old flame for a reason..move on...New pastures...next!

It's a very thoughtless and un-gentlemany thing to say. Unless you asked him outright- and even then he should have fudged his reply.

Question is why did you have sex with him and who dumped whom first time round? If he dumped you, it sounds as if you went back for more.

I can understand how hurtful this is, but at the same time (in a horrible way) it might be the wake up call you need to start looking after your health and losing some weight- not for HIM or any man, but for you.

Well .... for me it would depend on how he said it and how he recovered from his blunder.

Because I prefer how I look when I'm slimmer and with nail polish (and also dressed up/make up etc). I prefer how my dp looks when he's made more effort too. That basic reaction can't be taken away.

So if someone asked me to make comment I may well say I preferred the 'more effort' look though I'm sure I would phrase it way more tactfully than that.
And if I saw I'd upset someone I'd be doing everything I could to reassure them. Just because I prefer one look over another doesn't mean I don't still love or fancy both.

So in your situation, he's told you he loves you (which in itself is more than many people would say). I'd just tell him it upset you. See what his reaction is and take it from there.