He said he preferred me slimmer...:-(

[Autvet]

Slept with an old flame this week... after he said he preferred me slimmer and when I painted my nails etc etc ( I’ve put a couple of stone on since last seen him , mostly down to comfort eating if I’m honest as life has been very difficult recently). Now he’s apologetic because I’m upset ! I can’t get over this comment though ... and don’t want to see him again.. it’s really really upset me ... AIBU?:-(((

but if you don’t like the way you look then why does he have to?

Because he’s just had sex with her.

It’s basic social competence not to insult the person you’re about you have just shagged.

There are plenty of women on this forum who don’t like the way they look but their partners and friends think they look fine.

you’re about you have just shagged.

You’re about to or have just shagged. ^^

Sleeping with an old flamed when your confidence about your body is not what it used to be and asking them about it afterwards was a recipe for hurt feelings.

TBH you engineered this conversation because you wanted him to say he didn't mind the extra weight. You're clearly not ok with it & is why you asked in a such round about way.

Under the circumstances, I think his reply was...ok, at least it was honest. I do understand why you're upset but think you need to shoulder some of this.

Maybe you're a bit too fragile at the moment to be getting involved with anyone, you say life has been very difficult so perhaps look after & focus on you for a bit.

You asked him again question and he told you the answer. I am sorry I don't think that's unreasonable.

Seriously, any man who can't face that people change and get older isn't worth having.

Getting older doesn't necessarily mean getting fatter.

Horrible man. Keep away from him.

Honesty is over rated in a relationship 😉

Getting older doesn't necessarily mean getting fatter.

No, it doesn’t necessarily mean going grey or losing your hair, but if it happens to someone and you don’t like it then don’t sleep with them.

If you don't feel comfortable at your current weight he was onto a loser whatever he said. If he'd answered "it doesn't matter" or "I hadn't noticed" or "you're gorgeous at any size", you'd just have heard "yes you're fat".

most men prefer slim women.

That’s debatable as is the definition of slim. Either way, more men are overweight or obese than women in this country.

ok
most men prefer women who arent fat.

What exactly is your point, @CandyCreeper?

Harsh but...
You did ask....

Sorry though OP, must feel a bit crushing.
Fuck him off and in future don't ask!

To be fair op, you did ask!

It sounds like you wanted him to reassure you that you hadn't changed / he didn't notice / your weight didn't matter, etc.

It sounds like he wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't asked, but (perhaps stupidly) decided to be honest instead.

It's fair enough for someone to love you but be less attracted to you, if you have in fact become less attractive!

just that he hasnt said anything wrong. hes saying what he and most men think.

Tell him you liked him better when he wasn't mean, then bin him

hes saying what he and most men think

The ‘most’ men who are overweight themselves?

67% of British men are overweight or obese.

OP was fishing. Totally fishing.

Tbh Dp prefers me with weight on. But if stacked 2 stone on, then I would totally get him saying he prefers me the weight I am now.

If he stacked 2 stone on, I might prefer him as he is now. That doesn't mean we wouldn't fancy each other or love eachother.

If I put weight on I wouldn't try to get him in a situation where he had to say that he preferred me with the 2 stone on.

The only way this man had out was too say 'oh no, I prefer you now'. Op would have known he was lying and wouldn't have felt any better.

Don't put people in a position where they either lie or you are upset by their honesty.

doesnt matter
if most of the men are overweight. you dont have to only be attracted to people that are the same as you.

That doesn't mean we wouldn't fancy each other or love eachother.

OP is not in a relationship with this man, so no he doesn’t love her.

The way out was to say you look fabulous and sexy as you are. And if he really didn’t believe that then he shouldn’t have been having sex with her.

doesnt matter most of the men are overweight. you dont have to only be attracted to people that are the same as you are

Of course it does. A fat man who only fancies slim women may find himself hoist by his own petard.

The way out was to say you look fabulous and sexy as you are. And if he really didn’t believe that then he shouldn’t have been having sex with her.

But he can find her sexy AND still prefer her 2 stone lighter. Op was fishing. He was honest.

Not sure what them not being in a long term relationship has to do with what I said.

My point still stands. He can care for her/love her/find her sexy and still prefer her when she weighed less

He was a rude git for answering the question the way he did, but it's an unfortunate but well documented fact that men find women with a low waist to hip size ratio more attractive. It is thought that this is because a low WHR correlates with fertility:

The Relationship Between Waist-Hip Ratio and Fertility

Women have a similar inherent preference for taller men over shorter men, also thought to be an artifact of evolutionary biology. It' doesn't come up in a context like this because men's heights are quite stable over time. But given a choice, most women would find a man who is six feet tall more attractive than a man who is five feet tall, all other things being equal.