Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

[zombina]

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

Driving one hour isn’t travelling across the country. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes I would and have. Almost 3 yrs between my eldest and youngest and we did this a few times starting when the youngest was almost 1.
Kids loved it, I loved it, and it was one of the things I really missed after my marriage ended. I LOVED the opportunity to sit back and let the relatives enjoy the children who just went went the flow.

It sounds like you just don't want to go, so why not just say that? You shouldn't 'have' to do anything.

Don’t go..as a child we went to grandparents homes every Christmas, it was always a rush, and never really relaxed, and there wasn’t enough room, we even went if I was I’ll with chicken pox etc.
As an adult we have my mother every year....every year, and we really resent it . My siblings have had her maybe twice in over 20 years.

We’d like a family Christmas just to ourselves without all the driving we have to do, we’ve even taken Christmas dinner, mostly cooked to hers, to cut down on our driving .

Of course YANBU to not want to drag your young DCH away from their home on Christmas Day. You're seeing the relatives anyway. Tell them that you're going to be staying at home this year, thanks. You can go when the DCH are older. The scenario you describe about having a crying baby and hungry 4-year old is not much fun to look forward to, and you're doing it for whose benefit, exactly? Give yourself permission to have the day at home with your family when you can do your own thing and stay in your pj's and eat chocolate all day if you want.

bumsex Days out that involve driving for more than 30 mins or so - don't do that much as we have a lot on our plate at the moment, but do occasionally - try to leave at first nap and return by second nap so both naps can be in the car. Like what I was planning for this. We just don't spend long out, also see aforementioned wee accident issues. It's only while the baby is tiny.
Usually we don't go/need to go anywhere very far. I'm confident this will be temporary as it was with DD1. 4yo is fine once actually in the car. She just gets very involved in imaginary play at the moment so it's hard to tear her away for set times.

I'd stay at home at those ages. It's your day as well as the kids. Just thank them for their offer and say another time. Mine live just under 2 hours away and we go over on another day shortly after Xmas day
Kids like having a 2nd Xmas!

When you are not getting any sleep, everything seems (and IS) incredibly difficult.

So OP, as you are clearly having a shocker on the sleep front, YANBU. And anyone who hasn’t had a terrible sleeper is not really in a position to pass judgment.

Well, it all kids are different.
Do what feels right for your family. Sounds like dh is on the same page so stick with the plan to stay at home. You may feel differently next year.
We have refused to travel for Xmas since having dc. We alternative inviting gp to us.
We aren't thinking of travel in the next few years as the kids and GPS get older, but stay over for 3 days at a time.
But 1hr each way is not really anything.

I will be doing exactly this.

Except with the added bonus of a newborn baby who's likely to be less than a week old.
And it's more like a 3 hour journey.

But it's to my dads, on Christmas Day and it's the best day ever. It will be so worth the journey!

@zombina honestly why would you even consider it ? Your DD1 is going to be bored and pushed to the side by the sounds of it and there not even willing to give DD her presents early to keep her happy? Sounds like an adults Christmas to me not a child's !! Spend it at home in your PJ's on the floor with all the new toys!! That's what Christmas is all about, see family day after when it's not such a planned event with a timetable on the wall !!!!

No the 4year old will want to play with their presents! Those few years of Christmas when everything is magical are so precious. You want to enjoy them. Visit Boxing Day

Obviously it is up to the two of you, but I really don't think you can claim that an hours drive is 'across the country'. If you don't want to go then don't! I will say I have more memories of happy times with family than of playing with new toys on Christmas day, but that is just me, everyone has their own ways.

@Stringofpearls well I guess that all depends on the people, I have great memory's visiting my nan getting a huge cuddle and my present as soon as I walked through the door, playing with my new toy as she made her amazing Christmas dinner and the all sitting round the table to eat. But this OP has already said that it's a planned day and done when THEY want, it's not a day a child would enjoy.....

It's technically in another country and no amount of 'no traffic' will bring it nearer...!
I'm happy to travel if we can get settled in and stay over and we'll probably be doing more of it in future years. When DD was 2 we visited loads of family over Christmas eve/day/boxing day etc and it took her days to open all her presents. Last year sadly I was too pregnant and exhausted so stayed at home which turned out to be for the best anyway as she was sick on the day. Only thing she got really excited for was the satsuma in her stocking!

It really depends on the situation

For example DH family live about 2.5 hours away. Other than DH brother, who has come up twice in the last three years, none of them have been up here apart from for our wedding over two years ago. I haven’t even known MIL and FIL come up in the ten years I’ve known DH.

We go down there a few times a year including around Christmas and Easter. We mainly go see MIL and FIL but also pop in to see others when we can. We can’t see all every time we go down (DH has four siblings in different houses as well as his parents) so we see one or two of them each time

I’m now 6 months pregnant. It’s MIL birthday on Xmas eve (70th) so they’re planning a brunch near where they all live and also a weekend a way at Easter again near where they all live.

I’m very fond of MIL but if I don’t feel like travelling down at Christmas for a 2.5 hour each way journey while heavily pregnant then I won’t and similarly if I don’t feel like travelling with a 2 month old(ish) baby (not sure when Easter falls next year) then I won’t but it’s more because they don’t come up here and arrange for all of this near them even knowing I will be pregnant or have a young baby.

If it was one hour and didn’t involve people who have never been to my house then I might feel differently.

It's an hour each way, that is all. I do it every time I take my kids to see my mum. Sometimes to see her just for an hour. An hour is nothing.

I loved a big family christmas when I was a child. I don’t get it anymore and I miss it. I’d travel. It’s boring just being us

If your little one won’t nap there how could you stay over anyway?
I think the pp meant that there would be very little traffic on the road Xmas day so what is usually an hours drive would likely be quicker than on Boxing Day when lots of people are travelling home.

Depends how close your family is. I've done it but did it to best suit my family- e.g co-ordinated with naps so spent xmas morning at home, quick light snack then into car for nap time (around 12ish), arrived 1hour later, enjoyed day. Dc in jammies and left at 7ish. Fall asleep in car then transfer to bed when home. Would something like that work?

No I wouldn't/haven't and I don't think you should either. We're a tiny family due to sisters marrying brothers and before children were born or were very small, we all got together for Christmas. For the last several years however, we've stayed in our own home and parents/in-laws have come to us alternate years. We all get together on Boxing Day though.
For those talking about seeing 'the family' on Christmas Day, we are a family in our own right and value the time together in ever busier lives.

And I always think it’s good to bite the bullet and do stuff with kids even if it seems like too much trouble. Not necessarily on Christmas Day but at the moment you are tied to your home at nap times. Sometimes it’s only when you actually go out for a full day that you find things that work and find you can be more flexible.
If you always just say we can’t do that because of naps, meals, toilet training etc etc you’d end up doing nothing for years.

Yes. An hour is nothing! You are being very weedy.

I think one of your first responses has it right "Yes, if you want to".

Weedy??!

I would if the visit was appealing; an hour's drive is nothing.

If I wanted an excuse not to go though, the terribly long and arduous journey wouldn't be possible. I'd accept my family would know it was a lame excuse but they'd be too polite to challenge me.