Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

[zombina]

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

No my kids came first when they were young...and certainly before anyone else's feelings. If I were you I would have a nice family Xmas at home with your children and leave the stress of traveling to others. It may only be an hour but that hour could feel like 4 hours to young kids.

Well I’ve always refused to go to in-laws on xmas day but they are 1hr45mins away and we can’t stay overnight so that would be three hours travelling.

Maybe for an hour, or very slightly over I might.

However I do think xmas is for kids....not sure a 4yo would be keen to leave newly opened presents.....but then they’d probably like to see family??

Don’t you ever take your DC out for the day? It’s only an hour’s drive, not six! I really don’t see why it’s a hassle.
If you don’t want to spend Christmas with your family and prefer to stay at home, don’t go - but your DD4 will miss out on Christmas fun.

Interesting to see these responses. This is exactly our current dilemma too. Family Christmas is 1.5 hours away. We can’t go and spend the night. There is no space for the 4 of us with family (and we aren’t welcome to stay at MIL’s house nearby because of her partner, long story but we have nc with him).

We’ve looked at Airbnb’s nearby but all are at least a 4-7 night minimum stay over Christmas (at £120-150 per night!!). And even then the closest one would be a 15-20 minute drive (so one of us couldn’t drink). We obviously don’t want to spend that kind of money anyway. So figured if one of us is stuck not drinking anyway, might as well just drive home!

But with a 5 year old and nearly 1 year old, it’s pretty shit to spend 3 hours in the car on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, family are not local and are flying in from all over the world and this would be our only chance to see them. Neither of us are thrilled about it though. I just want to sit at home and relax and have a prosecco and watch a film! We’re undecided at this point.

I wouldn't do it. Maybe the odd year with older children who wanted to see family but not in those circumstances.

Why would you have to leave at 9.30 if it’s just over an hour away and lunch isn’t until 2.30?

ETA my kids are exactly the same age as yours and an hour each way wouldn't both us at all.

But having said that we've just travelled to New Zealand with them for a family wedding so that's colouring my view somewhat.

No i wouldnt.An over stimulated toddler and a mad crawling baby.Not a chance.

Its on an hour,but its not though.You have to get up earlier,wrestle kids in to the car.Get there stay for a bit and the you have to leave.Thats your whole day gone.

So no,stay put and enjoy your leisurely Christmas

The title of your OP doesn't reflect your question.

The hour's drive obviously isn't the issue. Even if the family member lived 15 minutes drive away all the things you object to would still exist.

It's up to you to decide whether the positives of spending Christmas with those people outweigh the things you clearly see as negatives.

I'm not sure seeing adults socialise is most 4yo's idea of "fun" - I suspect 4yo fun is more like "wayhey, presents... boxes presents came in... hide and seek in the enormous pile of discarded wrapping paper..."

Also Christmas lunch 2-3pm is pretty late for most 4yos, so either you feed your child at normal child lunchtime (about 12 in my experience) then one of the adults has to spoil their Christmas lunch bobbing up and down to keep the 4yo out of mischief, or you try to postpone the 4yo's lunch, and end up with a hungry, fractious child at the dinner table.

I guess the question is: do you think you'd actually enjoy this meet up, OP, or are you doing it out of a sense of obligation and duty? If the latter, then just say upfront "much as we'd love to, the DC are a bit too small for this sort of thing at the moment - wouldn't be fun for them, and they'd kick off, then it wouldn't be fun for the adults either. Maybe in a few years?"

I wouldnt do it. i hate taking the kids away from home after they've opened their presents and they have to either leave them behind or pick a couple to take with you which just adds to the stress of loading up the car and the noghtmare packing up to get home too. Leaving at 9.30 is early as well we would never make it out the door on time or we would forget something. If your toddler normally naps and won't because its an unfamiliar place then that makes it worse.

Is there any way these people can come to you instead? We always offer that now. We are happy to host but we won't travel while our little ones are young.

Definitely YABU, we are doing this this year, it's just an hour or so. Make it fun with Christmas songs and games.

It's less stressful for me to take my husband and son to my in-laws than it is for me to entertain and feed and clean up after them here by myself (my husband is not a rubbish partner, but he loves Christmas and gets over excited), so I have said we can have Christmas morning here, then our 2yo can have a nap (I'm pregnant so might have a nap myself too :D) and then we can head up to see his family. MIL will dote over her only grandchild, DH can play stupid games with his brothers, and I can sit quietly in the corner and pretend I'm drinking wine.
I'm all about having a stress-free Christmas. Do whatever will make the day happiest for you.

Yes slightly further - about 1.5 hours each way - often. We’ve sometimes stayed over but usually drove there and back.

No I wouldn’t. I would now my kids are older but for little ones it’s not fair to take them away from their presents.

I’d go Boxing Day instead.

I’d do it if I wanted to see them but I’m assuming if the drive is too much faff you’re not that keen?
I’d do stockings before we went to give them something to occupy them in the car.
Then I’d bundle up the baby at nap time and someone could take them for a good walk. Myself if I fancied it or dh or a willing gp. I’d then stay til bedtime, change the kids into their pjs before setting off and hope they’d sleep in the car then hopefully transfer them to bed when I got back.
Probably wouldn’t go perfectly to plan but what does 😂

It's only an hour.

The separate issue is whether you actually want to spend your Christmas with these people. Don't go because you don't wanna spend your day with people, not because of the travel time.

It would depend entirely on how much we wanted to spend time with the family members invo!ved. Also I'd want to know that the arrangement was reciprocal, i.e next year you'd be the ones staying at home and family visited you.
An hour each way is nothing though tbf.

its just two hours of travel broken up, yes, if i had family that close it would be a non -issue, just get packed night before and go

as for sleep problems, well there's never really a good time as most parents with a young baby a usually woken in the night, again titing but normal and not a reason that i'd use to duck out of visiting.

your choice though!

Also, sorry to be blunt but to me family is more important than staying home with presents and packing up kids and a car. I know others will maybe disagree but I think that's an important thing for children to see.

Yes, I did and still would. Had a 15 week old and a 3yo and still drove 80 miles to family.
I love spending time with my family though and they would take grumpy baby / toddler off my hands for a while too.
Sounds like you just don’t want to go op.

Nope. 6, 2 and a baby here. We haven't visited anyone on Christmas Day for the past 5 years.

I wouldn’t travel on Christmas Day. I frequently do day trips of 11/2 at other times of year though. Christmas (for me)is for relaxing with the kids and I wouldn’t want to rush Santa presents etc so I could leave by 9.30.

When we were kids we were dragged to some relative's house, or about 15 came to us, every Christmas afternoon. We only had to go about half an hour, but it was shit. We got presents in the morning that we couldn't play with,the ones we got in the afternoon we had to share and if our cousins wanted to take them out of the box we couldn't say no. It was always too hot and too cramped. We had to eat even if we didn't want to.

I did 2 Christmases at MILs and said never again and we haven't. My kids could play with their toys, stay in their pjs, eat Christmas dinner if they wanted to or not, watch what we wanted to on the tele etc. It was about us and no one else. The kids are 22 and 24 and this year it's changing because DS2 is now a staff nurse in A&E, but I wouldn't have had it any other way when they were little.

Stay at home OP.

No, I wouldn't do it. The length of the car ride isn't so much the problem, it's the hassle you describe! Stay home.