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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

295 replies

zombina · 10/11/2018 20:01

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit Hmm at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

OP posts:
AprilShowers16 · 10/11/2018 22:48

We are travelling for an hour for the day for Christmas Day with a 11 month old and a 2 year old, id rather that than have to orchestrate xmas at our house. This way they’ll be entertained by family and we’ll all get fed 👍

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/11/2018 22:51

We're a tiny family due to sisters marrying brothers

It took me a while to get what you meant by this and it was very alarming until I did...

minipie · 10/11/2018 22:55

If they can’t —be bothered— manage to clear out any of their 2 or 3 spare bedrooms so you could stay over, they’re not really in a position to complain or be offended if you can’t manage the journey and routine disruption with a non sleeping baby and non compliant 4 yr old.

Cornishclio · 10/11/2018 22:58

I think it sounds like a nightmare and I would not want to spend two hours in a car on Christmas Day with a pre schooler and a baby to spend time with people who are not child orientated and you are left to deal with the kids on their own as your DH is talking solar panels with his DF . Kids out of their normal routine are a pain and at Christmas it is even worse. Take no notice of senior citizen, often people have selective memories when it comes to remembering what it is like coping with young children when they are tired, hungry and fractious. Have a nice day at home, your DD can play with her toys and go on Boxing Day when hopefully lunch will not be two or three hours late and your DD will have a few Xmas presents to take with her and play with.

Cornishclio · 10/11/2018 23:03

Aprilshowers16

This way they’ll be entertained by family and we’ll all get fed

The OP said that they don't entertain the kids and in fact ask her to take them somewhere else so they don't disturb the grown ups and lunch is two or three hours later than usual. Not all families are the same.

ILoveDolly · 10/11/2018 23:06

If there were a bedroom for you to use, and stay the night, then OK. But given all you've told us then stay at home! Enjoy it! There will be other times when the kids are older

choirmumoftwo · 10/11/2018 23:09

Sorry Lisa, didn't mean to confuse!

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 23:14

I hope I'm not making them sound awful, they have always been happy to play with dd1 but atm she can play for hours asking you to get quite involved with her stuffed animals and make stuff out of boxes etc which can be quite tedious when it's not your kid but I'm happy to do as I feel guilty never being able to play properly 1on1 with her on a normal weekday as always have to get the baby to sleep/ change nappy/ stop the baby from chewing cables, trying to crawl up stairs/ make lunch etc.

OP posts:
zeeboo · 10/11/2018 23:16

No. To me Christmas is for family. My family, in my home. Grandparents and extended family can be seen on other days. Children should be free to spend all day with their new toys at home.

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 23:19

bmsex I agree and was quite anxious when dc1 was small but found the more I did stuff.... It was usually fine so got more adventurous. With dd2 I'm way more gungho altho her naps hardly ever work around pre-school pick up which might be why the night sleep is so crap... But usually I'm faIrly cavalier now, although today dd1 had an unprecedented meltdown at a family meal (usually good as gold at these thIngs) and ended up sitting in the car with dh to think about why she wasn't getting any pudding...

OP posts:
00100001 · 10/11/2018 23:19

I understand you don’t want to go, fine. But the reaSons are just.... lame

1hr drive. Nothing
Dd4 can’t wait until 4pm for lunch .... so feed her at lunch time
Dd4 can’t wait to open presents. So Either make her wait (won’t hurt her) or take a couple for her to open when she gets there.
Dd4 needs constant entertainment. Take the toys she got in the morning. Plonk her in front of a dvd.

Baby won’t sleep anywhere. Well it won’t make any difference where baby is then.
I have to look after baby. So put baby in height chair at dinner with finger food and then toys. Pass baby round. Play with baby. Give baby toys to play with. Plonk baby in front of TV for a bit. Just like you would anywhere else.

Get DH to step up a bit on the day.
Leave later than 9.30.

PunkrockerGirl59 · 10/11/2018 23:19

No... the 4 year old will want to play with her toys
Maybe do the 4 year old a favour and suggest that actually their needs don't necessarily come first. So if mum and dad wish to visit family on Christmas day that's what happens. Most toys are portable. 4 year olds should not be dictating how and where Christmas is spent imo Hmm

CurbsideProphet · 10/11/2018 23:26

Christmas seems to be one big competition about who travels the most / is the most / least accommodating / makes the most effort.

Honestly OP if you want to stay at home because that's easier and more enjoyable, then of course that's totally fine. Just because some people spend hours in the car going between all of their relatives it doesn't mean we all should feel guilty that we don't want to.

bumblingbovine49 · 10/11/2018 23:30

Have done this every year except one (from when DS was a month old,). He is 14 years old now.

The exception is one when DS was in hospital and not discharged until Christmas Eve

I wouldn't recommend it though.

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 23:35

*I understand you don’t want to go, fine. But the reaSons are just.... lame

1hr drive. Nothing
Dd4 can’t wait until 4pm for lunch .... so feed her at lunch time
Dd4 can’t wait to open presents. So Either make her wait (won’t hurt her) or take a couple for her to open when she gets there.
Dd4 needs constant entertainment. Take the toys she got in the morning. Plonk her in front of a dvd.

Baby won’t sleep anywhere. Well it won’t make any difference where baby is then.
I have to look after baby. So put baby in height chair at dinner with finger food and then toys. Pass baby round. Play with baby. Give baby toys to play with. Plonk baby in front of TV for a bit. Just like you would anywhere else.

Get DH to step up a bit on the day.
Leave later than 9.30.*

These 'solutions' are.... lame!
I'm not plonking the kids down in front of a DVD on Christmas Day of all days. I think Christmas is for playing together.
I'd feed DD at lunch time but it'd be a snack or sandwich. Then she won't be hungry when we all eat so someone will need to mind her.
Take toys she got in the morning - she's getting train set, bike etc which she can't really lug all the way and set up there without losing stuff. She won't be opening lots of presents in the morning as we'll be rushing to go out, she'd have to wait until evening when the rest of the family want to do it which I think isn't that fair.

Pass baby round - she is at 'separation anxiety' age and will cry. This happened today.
Give baby toys - she will crawl away and try and eat the dvd player/ cat/ open doors/bounce on the stairs etc. she won't 'watch a dvd' at 9 months old. She'll cry in her high chair once she's had enough in there. All she wants to do is cruise, crawl, bounce, eat her socks. I honestly think people don't understand this if they are telling me to 'put her in front of the tv' - this is exactly my problem!

Everyone is saying these are 'excuses' but honestly doing what people are suggesting would mean a crying or fallen-down-stairs baby. This is not me being negative or whatever but what I live with every single day! Yes of course it's doable but not fun.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 10/11/2018 23:38

Blimey, don't go then!

Although on the setting out at 9.30 front - you didn't address the idea of starting out later, and this is your choice. I would just let DD1 nap as usual at home, and only go for lunch, so leave about 12.30. Shorter time with the relatives but at least you'll have gone!

gigantus · 10/11/2018 23:47

*I’d live my family to be that close! We get on a plane at Xmas and have done since the youngest was 4 months old

  • and that was an 8 hour flight! But Youndk t sound like the kind of person who can chill out a bit and go with the flow so perhaps you’re better off on your own even if your D.C. miss out on extended family time/fun*

What a load of passive aggressive bollocks. You don't need to go op. and you don't need permission from anyone on here

squeekums · 10/11/2018 23:51

Nope, we wouldnt go.
We actually refuse to travel christmas day at all. The family would love us to make the 3hour round trip to make lunch. Means we would need to leave around 10am, which isnt late but its christmas morning, dd has just opened a heap of presents and wants to play, be buggered if im dragging her away from that.
If dp wants to have a drink or 2 he can as no driving and we would much rather avoid the drama of one of his brothers.
We go boxing day instead

BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/11/2018 23:57

A piece of fruit to keep her going before dinner wouldn’t spoil her dinner would it?
If it was someone you really wanted to visit you would work round things.
I agree with the pp who said that you seem to want people to agree that it would be impossible for you to go.

Sparrowlegs248 · 11/11/2018 00:03

It's not impossible for you to go OP, you sound like you really really don't want to. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't need to justify it to ANYONE whether here or in your family.

currytonight · 11/11/2018 01:18

Why would a four year old who gets so immersed in her toys that it takes an hour to get in a car need minding while you eat lunch?

Surely you can give her a banana and some raisins at 12 and she'll eat at 2? She's 4 not 4 months.

Just say you don't want to go. Throwing in the "literally in another country" was really scraping the barrel. Not as if we have border control. It's an hours drive. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to do just don't

Purpleartichoke · 11/11/2018 01:28

I would not. Our rule is we won’t leave the house until mid afternoon on Xmas day. We will go to one event only that day and only because it is reasonably close.

Montybabe · 11/11/2018 01:37

An hour isn’t far so I don’t think you could use it as an excuse. It doesn’t sound as if you want to go. I wouldn’t as I prefer Christmas in my own home and wouldn’t use the travel as a reason. Just say that you’d prefer to stay at home but people are welcome at your house.....bet no one takes you up on the offer!

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 11/11/2018 01:45

If you and DH both agree that you don't want to go then how come you feel the need to check if you are BU? Is someone else in the family laying on the guilt?

Slimtimeagain · 11/11/2018 08:45

The thing is Christmas is still a month a d half away! Your baby will be closer to 11 months then. Your 4 year old should be able to be sat watching a Christmas film or something while you all eat. Or just give her a snack rather than a sandwich for lunch time then she can have Christmas dinner with everyone. I just don't understand this.. every Sunday and every Christmas day since I was a baby, I've had Sunday roast around 2/3 pm. We just had a snack to keep us going. It's not plonking her in front of the tv. It's Christmas day, many families have the tv on during the day! Youre making a million excuses but you don't need to. You don't want to go and that's fine enough.
As for at home, you need stair gates to stop the baby crawling up th3 stairs. Block off cabled areas etc... it'll make your life easier. You'll be able to actually sit down sometimes!