Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

[zombina]

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

Course I would but I love my family and enjoy family christmas'

the 4 yo would need lunch at about 12
are you honestly telling us that you will be serving your Christmas dinner at noon?

You obviously don't want to and finding all the reasons why you shouldn't. So don't.

Just don’t go but stop pandering to you 4 year old, if she needs a snack she can have a sandwich, what 4 year old cares if it is ‘special’ enough or not for Christmas Day? . Is she at school yet?

I would go if it was people I'd want to visit. I'd do it at times to suit us though and make sure at least one of the journeys was at a nap time so the baby could sleep. I'd get the 4 year old an audio book as a Christmas present to put on in the car

Yes and have done in the past

No... the 4 year old will want to play with her toys.

are you honestly telling us that you will be serving your Christmas dinner at noon?

Back when DS was small I used to feed him his lunch at normal small child lunchtime, then time our Christmas dinner for while he was down for his nap. Which I could do 'cos I was in my own home, not trying to fit round a load of child-free adults who didn't want to make any effort to alter their routine because of small children that they had asked to come and visit.

Funnily enough, despite the "rod for your own back" comments up thread, DS is now a perfectly sociable, well-behaved child who can do delayed gratification and eat meals - whether Christmas dinner, out at friends or in restaurants - in a civilised way. But I wouldn't have made the mistake of trying to get him to do that when he was very little.

You sound like you're making life hard for yourself. Your 4 year old sounds difficult. I get that though- my eldest (4) is great, her brother though (2) is a whole other level of hard. That being said, it's an hour in the car.

Leave at half 10 if dinner isn't served till 2. Take some toys. Say hello eat dinner and socialise and then go home and enjoy a quiet family evening. I think you are being very negative for no real reason other than you just don't want to go

Not a chance

Give the 4 year old a small sandwich at around 11, and then she can have what she wants from Christmas lunch at 2-3. That's what I did/do.

Feed and change the baby whenever they need it, irrespective of anything else that is going on. When they are tired, exit stage left and take them for a walk in the buggy or sling, or drive in the car- whatever works for you.

I know I sound negative, I'm just responding to 'why don't you do xyz'. It's certainly not impossible and we've done it on a normal day but there are loads more fun things I want to do with my dc on Christmas day that wouldn't fit in the time very well once you lose a few hours for travel and packing up etc.

Anyway it's been interesting to hear opinions! I don't think I've traveled on Christmas day before anyway so the whole idea is a bit of a new concept!

I think people genuinely forget what a 4 year old and a baby are like.You do what suits you,end of story

You know its going to be a faff and stressful, so don't go. Not on Christmas Day.

Yeah see i don't want to have to spend Xmas day driving a baby around in a car on my own in a city i don't know just to get her to sleep.

I’d live my family to be that close! We get on a plane at Xmas and have done since the youngest was 4 months old

• and that was an 8 hour flight! But Youndk t sound like the kind of person who can chill out a bit and go with the flow so perhaps you’re better off on your own even if your D.C. miss out on extended family time/fun.

But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at

It’s only an hour in the car not the other side of the country.

everyone saying it's an excuse

Because it totally sounds like it. Every solution anyone suggest you have a reason to not try. Your life must be very limited if you are so inflexible.

If i don't put the baby to sleep when she needs to, or feed her when she needs feeding, or change her nappy when she poos, she will cry

That’s what babies do

It's sounding like extended family aren't very child friendly/orientated which is fine because they don't have children but you do so you have to make a decision based on that.

I do despair sometimes when newish parents come on here and make everything a drama. Its a 1 hour drive away not the moon. Deary me - I wonder how we coped in the “olden days” - are today’s parents less competent?

Just decide what kind of Christmas Day you want.

I want to relax, drink, see the kids open and play with their presents etc. I don't want to travel, have to mess around with snacks and travel cots to stay on someone else's schedule, or have to do lots of monitoring or policing children's behaviour.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I sometimes wonder if my DC are the same species as everyone else!

Kindly meant OP but you do realize you're talking about just one day and that one day isn't a live televised global event?

Obviously children and families all have their routines and things which work, or don't usually work for them, but every now and then we can just go with the flow and deal with the consequences. If you're not willing or able to do that, then stay home and enjoy your day that way.

We never lived close to family but always got together for big occasions, sometimes it ran smoothly and sometimes it didn't, but we all survived it

Yes I would, and did. My two are 16 months apart so the first Christmas we had both DD was almost 2, and DS was 7 months.
An hour is not much.
If there's other reasons not to go, fair enough.

Yea sorry but I think you're being a bit precious about the travelling! An hour each way is nothing. I have 2 under 2 and can easily manage so I can't see how it would be more difficult for you. Surely you drive with the kids in the car during a normal week?!

However, if you don't want to go then don't go. Why do you have to go at 9:30? I don't understand that. Speak to the host and let them know that you will be there an hour before lunch. Then you won't have hungry tired kids.

Sometimes we have obligations to carry out in life. Life is not only all about the best bits. We and our children need to remember that. 4 year olds are just that - children. You as a Mum can decide what happens and can also negotiate some elements with her! Ditch the timetable. Scary as that sounds. Only thing that must go to time is when turkey comes out of oven.

Op, I’m one of the few to say YANBU. I wouldn’t have done this when my DCs were very small. Everything gets much easier and more civilised once DCs have been at school for a year or two. Go for a visit on Boxing Day instead.