Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

[zombina]

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

This is exactly why I hate Christmas. MIL, SIL and ourselves take turns at hosting Christmas. MIL moved away when she got remarried so every third year we have to trail halfway across the country and back again on Christmas Day. It completely ruins Christmas.

Thanks orlande, it's this exactly. I have to do this 24/7 anyway so would prefer Christmas day to be a break from schedules and timings and worrying about when dc is allowed to open presents. Even if I have to cook dinner myself!

Why shouldn't Christmas Day of all days be about the best bits! Especially for a 4 year old.

I’d go, maybe leave at 10.30 instead? To give your older DD more time with her presents. I assume you’re ok to come home again whenever you like? I always like the idea of having Christmas Day just the four of us but inevitably by 3ish we’re all a bit twitchy. So having other people to see always works well, unfortunately family are all 2+ hours away so they have to stay over with us or we go to them (which I hate, LOVE Christmas Eve and Christmas morning to be at home). So having family an hour away would suit just fine I think. I get that it’s a pain having the baby to work around though. The 4 year old (I have a recently turned 4 year old) will just have to suck it up. Put something in her stocking that will be easy to play with in the car! And the promise of more presents from family should help with getting her ready?

I thought we'd go at 9.30/10 as that is when dd2 will need to nap and it made sense to use that as travelling time as she falls asleep quickly in the car. If she napped at home first it'd take longer to get her down and she might nap for an hour or more so wouldn't make the most of seeing the relatives.
Just for ppl asking, not because I'm making excuses...

You obviously don't want to go.
So don't.

YABU It's only 1 hour. Personally I couldn't think of anything worse than it just being the 4 of us for Christmas day, surely it would just feel like a Sunday with a roast?

Oh and an hour drive will take far less o Christmas Day! Best day to travel! Boxing Day on the other hand......

You don't want to go so enjoy a relaxed Christmas in your own home.

I don't think any of your reasons are particularly good or valid or can't be worked around if you're not so rigid, but 'I don't want to go' is all the reason you need.

Just asking again, who are the relatives? Established it's your partner's side. But not grandparents? Is it siblings?

Also what does he want to do?

Thanks to seniorcitizen for suggesting I'm incompetent for preferring not to travel though. I suffered with pnd after dd1 thinking I was a shit mum cos she screamed at night. It's taken me ages to believe I might know what I'm doing with my own kids but you're right, I'm probably just incompetent for not being able to cope with a crying baby.

You seem to be making this about the travel however it sounds like that’s the most practical bit to your day. Everything else sounds like it wouldn’t fit in with your timescales regardless of where it was an hour away or 10 mins away.

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to spend Christmas with others but just be honest with them and say that the day they are planning doesn’t suit you so you are going to stay at home this year.

Honestly, if you don’t want to, that’s ok! Why do your wants come last? Christmas is only one day. It seems like your family are comfortable saying what suits them, why shouldn’t you? There are other days you can see them. Why make yourself a martyr?

It's dh's family, they are lovely. He wanted to see them in the original location at Christmas but was the first to say 'hell no' at the idea of driving across the country and back!! If anything I was more up for it!

OP you’re not incompetent! How rude of that pp. Do what you need/like but don’t feel that you’re a bad mum whatever you do. Christmas Day will not be ruined for either DD whatever you do.

witch a roast is celebration enough in our house (we are simple folk ruled by our stomachs) but also presents! Santa's visited! Let's set up the new train set! Etc

You obviously really don't want to go, it sounds impractical for your family in lots of ways - don't go.

I always find these threads interesting because so many people confidently assert that all kids want to be in their own home at Christmas and it's horrible to 'trail them around'. I think there's some real 'grass is greener' stuff here, though - as a kid I always used to feel a bit sad and a bit embarrassed by our Christmas just the four of us and long for a big family Christmas like you see on the telly. It just never felt very special.

If you are stressed your kids will be stressed. Personally I'd leave at 11am and arrive at 12pm so older DD has more time at home and everything is less of a rush.

Get everyone to give the kids their presents ASAP so they have toys to play with why people insist on making kids stare at their presents, I don't know!

If DD is hungry give her a sandwich or some nibbles to tide through till 2pm dinner.

If you want you could even leave at 4pm and get home for 5pm so DD still has an hour or 2 at home to play with toys before bed and you could enjoy a glass of wine!

If it's stressful at all, then no.

Go the next day when there is no food involved, stay for an hour and leave.

Your young family is of equal importance. Don't go if you don't want to.

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.

That OP was so NOT neutral

You are not incompetent.Just do what feels right to you.

We used to - 1/2 hr to one house then another 1/2 to the next one. By the time third child came along, we'd had enough. We didn't get any time to enjoy our day - between packing and unpacking the car, explaining why kids couldn't stay to play with new gifts, keeping them away from fragile decorations, it was a nightmare. We started hosting instead (we were the only ones with kids) and it worked out much better.

What do you usually do for days out etc about naps for the little one?

Ooh, present-passing-out rituals could be a whole other thread (in fact I think they usually are this time of year)...