Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

295 replies

zombina · 10/11/2018 20:01

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit Hmm at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

OP posts:
Tobebythesea · 10/11/2018 21:01

I’m on the fence on this one which isn’t helpful!

Although you are trying to be neutral about the facts, I sense you don’t want to go and that’s fine.

You obviously know your children’s reactions to situations better than anyone on here. How they respond to car travel, how and when they sleep, how they respond to lots of stimulation and being over tired.

I have a 2 and a half year old and would go as she no longer naps and is starting to ‘get’ Christmas but if you’d asked me 2 years ago or even last year, the answer would have been “Hell, no!”

Owletterocks · 10/11/2018 21:03

I would, I think Christmas is all about family but we are used to big family christmases. Dc’s have always fitted in and managed even if I had to do a quick run round the block in the car for them to have a nap. Sounds like you don’t want to go though so probably best not to.

Tigger001 · 10/11/2018 21:04

Yes,it's only an hour and family is so important xx

misskatamari · 10/11/2018 21:04

I wouldn't no, especially if you'll be seeing them Boxing day. Christmas day for us is about being chilled out though, pottering about, having some nice food etc. I would hate to feel stressed and be travelling anywhere on Christmas day.

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 10/11/2018 21:04

I'd be in charge of making sure the 4 year old doesn't interfere with adult games, cooking, conversations, etc. making her go for a wee (she is prone to accidents), changing baby's nappy...

What would their father be doing ..?

MrsChollySawcutt · 10/11/2018 21:06

I would much rather stay at home for Christmas. If you want to go though an hour long drive each way is nothing really.

FuzzyCustard · 10/11/2018 21:06

Yes. It's only an hour each way. Can't see the problem.

Ragwort · 10/11/2018 21:07

If you don’t want to go then don’t go, but it sounds as though you are just trying to make up excuses. Personally I don’t like the idea that Christmas Day is all about children playing with their new toys, surely there is more to Christmas than presents Hmm.? And if your four year old makes such a fuss about getting out for the day how is she going to cope with school?

MyBrexitIsIll · 10/11/2018 21:07

Why is it that you seem to be the inky one to do everything. Looking after the 4yo, packing everything, utting into the car etc etc.
Where is the father and can’t he actually do half of all that???

SoftSheen · 10/11/2018 21:08

Yes of course! An hour is nothing, if you want to go. The baby will probably nap in at least one direction, and the four year old will be able to take a couple of their new Christmas toys to entertain them in the car.

BusyMum47 · 10/11/2018 21:08

On a normal day? Yes, absolutely.
On Christmas Day? Not a hope in hell!

Stay home, have the Christmas you & your family want/deserve & visit on one of the other holiday days. If the relatives that expect you to drag a young child & baby around to suit them, don't like it...tough!! 😄

hmmwhatatodo · 10/11/2018 21:10

You’re being awkward for whatever reason. Something to do with the spare rooms being full or something. Anyway. Don’t go, you’ll just end up spoiling it for everyone.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/11/2018 21:10

Its only an hour and breaking the routine for one day will be fine.
Just be honest and say you don't want to go instead of making up excuses

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:10

sit down when you get there and have food made by someone else

Yes, this was what I really wanted to do! But from experience the relatives won't actually take the kids off my hands apart from an obligatory 10 mins. Last time I went I had to take DD1 into a separate room because she wanted to play with something noisy or a particular game, or the adults wanted to chat/look at photos in a different room. I also had to change nappies in a separate room, look after the crawling baby, prepare the baby's food and stop her from chucking it everywhere, coax DD1 into going to the loo and not having accidents on their new rug, etc etc. Asking for food when it's not ready yet when DC is hungry, DC wanting to open presents when it's not time until the evening...

All understandable and yes a lot of it I'd be doing at home anyway but these relatives don't have DC and seem a bit surprised at the amount of attention they take.

Not a DH problem because he doesn't see them that often so I'm happy to let him catch up.

I sound pessimistic but I used to be v optimistic about these things before reality taught me otherwise!

OP posts:
Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:12

I've said repeatedly I want to spend time with these people. It's the conflict between their expectations/timetables and ours/DC's that I think will make it not-relaxing for me exactly as it has in the past when I tried to fit in DC routine around adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:13

The rooms thing was just to explain why I assumed we'd be able to stay as there are several spare rooms even with others staying, but we cannot as it's not practical for the hosts. Not an issue and even if the reason is because they don't want to hear a baby waking up every few hours in the night then that's completely understandable too!

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 10/11/2018 21:13

Once you have children then Christmas becomes what works for your family. Young children will be excited and want to play with their new Christmas gifts, they will probably have been up late & woken early so staying at home will in all likelihood work best for them.

Chocolate1984 · 10/11/2018 21:14

I don’t think it’s a big deal really. I’ve done it a few times over the last 6 years with 2 month old, 3 year old & 8 month & 5 & 2 year old. Usually get there around 12 leave around 8.

donquixotedelamancha · 10/11/2018 21:14

Nooooo. Don't do it. Much easier at home.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I sometimes wonder if my DC are the same species as everyone else!

I get about 3 contiguous nights sleep a year. I think mine are the same species as yours.

Racecardriver · 10/11/2018 21:15

Why are your children so fussy? An hour is a normal drive anywhere for us but then again if my children were like that I wouldn’t bother.

marmaladecats · 10/11/2018 21:15

I would stay at home. I’ve spent the 14 out of 16 xmases trailing around all over the country sleeping on air beds etc to fit in win other people. Last Xmas with a three year old and 8 week old we went to my BIL’s where I got a horrible vomiting bug (not their fault!) and spent Xmas day in bed, to my MILs on Boxing Day and then to my brothers a couple of days later. All several hrs drive in between. And with the ton of kit you need for the kids. I regret it, it was stressful, my 3 year old massively acted up with all the attention, nightmare! This Xmas we are staying put! For the first time in my adulthood I get to choose what to put on the TV, what to eat, how to do things. Rant over!

McWilde · 10/11/2018 21:15

Nah, I just couldn't be arsed.
No need to even make excuses for it, enjoy your Christmas the way that's easiest for you and yours.

Fridaydreamer · 10/11/2018 21:15

OP I’m with you.

When DD was little we chose to no longer go to family for Xmas day but instead have it at home just us. This was to create the day we wanted and we now do Boxing Day with family instead. Much nicer all round as DD has always been able to open presents at leisure and spend day playing with them. No rush to anyone else’s schedule. It’s perfect.

Seeing family is lovely but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your sanity or your children’s fun day.

currytonight · 10/11/2018 21:16

You already know you don't want to go. And probably assumed everyone here would agree. Just don't go if you don't want to.

Making a rod for your own back letting your 4 year old dictate like that. I'm assuming the relatives are siblings of DH as you said it's not parents.

You're being awkward. One minute you thought you'd stay over, next minute baby won't sleep in a travel cot

BusyMum47 · 10/11/2018 21:16

Sometimes people without little ones, or who had them a long time ago, just don't get it. Stick to your guns & don't feel bad for wanting to enjoy Christmas Day with your children instead of enduring it & attempting to get through it as best you can!

Swipe left for the next trending thread