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Original poster

Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

295 replies

zombina · 10/11/2018 20:01

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit Hmm at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

OP posts:
Oly5 · 10/11/2018 21:17

Can’t you just relax your routine for one day? Why be so uptight about the routine?

louise987 · 10/11/2018 21:18

You obviously don't want to go OP, no matter what people on here say - and that's fair enough. It's Christmas, you can choose how you spend it.

FWIW an hours drive is a short drive to see family, and as it's Christmas the effort may really be appreciated by the people you're visiting. It's one day, yes you may be tired but it's just one day.

Wejustdontknow · 10/11/2018 21:18

All our immediate family are within a 10 minute car journey and we still decided to say no to travelling in Christmas Day, people are welcome at ours if they want to and some do come for a visit for an hour or so but I find it unfair on the dc to be rushed around and open presents they then can’t play with as we have to go out. We have compromised and have Christmas Day at home, Boxing Day with my family and New Year’s Day at in laws

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 10/11/2018 21:19

Does your DH do all the 'parenting' when you visit your relatives?

FermatsTheorem · 10/11/2018 21:22

What you've described does sound like my idea of hell. Small children are what they are - wildly over-excited by Christmas (and rightly so - I don't understand adults who think children should fit round the adults' idea of a perfect Christmas, because children are the whole point of the exercise!)

Children (4 yo) expected to do delayed gratification - not just "wait till we've had breakfast" but "wait the whole bloody day until 6.00pm".

Late meal - 4 yo cannot do this (yes, I know there are some people on this thread who claim theirs can - either they are lying or they have in fact got "born-again" dolls rather than actual real life children).

Adult games... shoot me now! That sounds fucking horrendous.

As I see it, you have two options.

Tell them politely that it just doesn't fit round your children, but you'd be delighted to join them again in a few years when the children are older.

Or (because 4yo's don't do calendars yet) do "Christmas Day" with the kids on the 24th, then take them, suitably presented-out, to the rellies on the 25th.

I'd go for the first option, but then I'm a curmudgeonly bitch who wouldn't be prepared to ruin my own children's Christmas for a bunch of adults who want to play adult games (did I say "shoot me now" already?)

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:22

If i don't put the baby to sleep when she needs to, or feed her when she needs feeding, or change her nappy when she poos, she will cry. Is this what people mean by relaxing her routine?

OP posts:
Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:22

She's pretty chilled otherwise.

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 10/11/2018 21:22

It's fine. I've done it nearly every year since having my dc. My parents live an hour away. The roads are usually much quieter. Having said that if you want to stay home then stay home. Truthfully I'd drive more than an hour if it meant I got to see my sister and parents on Christmas day.

MeMeMeow85 · 10/11/2018 21:23

Sounds awful. With two tiny ones, stay home in your own space with their established routines. Enjoy Christmas the way you want it, rather than be forced into someone else’s view of a perfect day

DontCallMeCharlotte · 10/11/2018 21:23

If I went I'd ask if they could maybe make lunch a bit earlier and definitely have presents earlier - evening is crap even for adults.

Slimtimeagain · 10/11/2018 21:24

Right, first things first. You don't want to go because you want to spend Christmas at home as the 4 of you. That is ok so please don't feel like you need to justify it to anyone.

As for all the excuses, they are all easily solvable. 1 hours is no time, it takes me that long to get to the other side of my (not huge) city in rush hour. Christmas is still some time away, baby might be sleeping better, baby might get used to sleeping in buggy. 4 year old can go with the flow. It shouldn't take long to get in to a car.
If it was me, and l love spending Christmas with family, then I would give baby a nap at home in the morning, as early as possible, let them sleep as long as possible, then head out when they are awake. So dd1 gets plenty of playing time.

WhyAmISoCold · 10/11/2018 21:24

Hang on! Usually on threads like this it gets said that once children were involved, people often stay home as they don't want to take them away from their presents etc. Cannot understand all the posts saying this is nothing, 2 hours of travelling, screaming baby that won't sleep, rushed morning, sounds like a shit Christmas for a 4 year old. Stay home OP. You will see them Boxing Day or the day after.

FoxFoxSierra · 10/11/2018 21:24

Yes I drive more than double this to visit family, an hour is nothing

BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/11/2018 21:24

The things you describe are just normal things you have to do when looking after 2 kids and easily manageable for 2 adults. The problem seems to be that their dad doesn’t do anything!

Lovemusic33 · 10/11/2018 21:25

A one hours drive is nothing but if you don’t want to go then make up an excuse or just tell them your staying at home. I have started telling people that we prefer to stay at home as the dc’s are happier. I’m happy to visit family Christmas Eve or boxing day but would rather stay home Christmas Day so I can relax and have a drink.

llangennith · 10/11/2018 21:25

You obviously don't want to go so don't. I used to drive two hours to my parents' home with my three DC every. Christmas to spend it with my parents and sister and her family because I wanted to. If you wanted to go you'd find a way. Don't make excuses but do what you want to do.

Slimtimeagain · 10/11/2018 21:25

Also op, apologies if I've missed it but i don't think you've actually told us what relatives they are yet?

Strawberry2017 · 10/11/2018 21:26

I wouldn't. Do whatever works best for your family.
It's supposed to be a fun day for all and if your children have to modify their behaviour because of adults that sounds like no fun at all! It's a day they are supposed to be happy and excited! X

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:26

it's not just the 4yo dictating, as travel timings would be dictated by the baby's sleep, but the 4 yo would need lunch at about 12 not 2 or 3. Happy to give her a sandwich but not v special.

Yes, she would get excited and want to play with presents and not understand that she's not allowed to open them until later or until adults are ready or that she can't just play with her favourite toys unless we bring them all with us, and she'd want to chat loads and loads to the family who get a bit fed up with being interrupted. I think that's normal 4yo behaviour though and not really 'dictating'.

The main thing I guess is her resisting going to the loo and risking accidents but that's a separate issue. I suppose it can 'dictate' a bit though as it adds about 15 mins to getting ready to go anywhere.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 10/11/2018 21:27

If you don’t want to go don’t. That’s perfectly valid your wishes matter too.

Original poster
zombina · 10/11/2018 21:29

DH does help absolutely loads in normal life but he is useless at timekeeping or getting distracted in conversation so with his relatives I tend to sort out the DCs if needed and he does the same when we visit mine. His DF will start him on a massive conversation about solar panels or something and he won't be able to get away (and actually does want to talk about that!) so I end up distracting the DC. I don't really mind too much, but it is the reality.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 10/11/2018 21:29

Why couldn’t you just take a small snack for the 4yo to see her through to enjoy Xmas dinner with everyone else.
You do seem to be looking for problems rather than solutions which suggests you don’t really want to go all that much - which is fine!

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 10/11/2018 21:30

It's absolutely fine not to leave your house on Christmas Day for no other reason than you don't want to. And you have already declined the invitation. Declining the invitation is not unreasonable if you don't want to go.

But even though everyone agrees you are at liberty not to go, you seem to want people to agree that it would have been almost impossible for you to go. And it is that aspect of your posts that I think is unreasonable.

RiverTam · 10/11/2018 21:31

It sounds like, with the best will in the world, this will not end up being a fun day for you at all, even though I don’t think an hour is that far. So, as you say you’ll be seeing them 26/27 I’d leave it at that.

Sowhatifidosnore · 10/11/2018 21:33

Yes, an hour’s not much and there’ll barely be any traffic sonit’ll Be easy