Christmas day: would you travel in car 1+ hour each way with 2 young dc to family and back?

[zombina]

Trying to keep this neutral to see if I'm BU.
It's been suggested that we go to a family member for Christmas Day (along with other members of the family who would also be there). However it would involve driving at least an hour each way with DDs (4 and crawling weaning baby who wakes up loads in the night). Not able to stay over.
I'm thinking the hassle, trying to get DC plus equipment in the car on Christmas day and trying to work around sleep make this an awful idea but family have expressed surprise.

I generally also don't think it's fair to make people try and work around a baby's (or toddler's) routine and when they don't sleep/eat when they need to it's just a bloody nightmare and no-one can relax. But it's more the travelling I'm a bit at.

If you have multiple young DC would you do this?

I personally wouldn't, but I refuse to go out Christmas Day as I love being at home with the kids opening their presents and playing.

I think the fact you really don't want to answers your dilemma OP, it sounds like it would be a stressful day rather a fun day.

Perhaps arrange to go up Boxing Day or close to it x

It took us an hour to get the kids ready and into car today to travel 40 mins! If we rush the older one she'll just get in a strop.

*I'm not sure seeing adults socialise is most 4yo's idea of "fun" - I suspect 4yo fun is more like "wayhey, presents... boxes presents came in... hide and seek in the enormous pile of discarded wrapping paper..."

Also Christmas lunch 2-3pm is pretty late for most 4yos, so either you feed your child at normal child lunchtime (about 12 in my experience) then one of the adults has to spoil their Christmas lunch bobbing up and down to keep the 4yo out of mischief, or you try to postpone the 4yo's lunch, and end up with a hungry, fractious child at the dinner table.*

Yes, this exactly. I really love my family and would love to spend time with them but they are very....relaxed. I've had one Christmas where everything was ready and waiting but due to 'being relaxed' about timing (arriving an hour late) I had to pick at my cold lunch standing up holding a crying baby who'd been sleeping beautifully at the time we were supposed to eat!

Also, they have a 5-bed house but no space for us to stay over (whihc I'd have no problem with). Other side of the family are full to the brim and had offered to sleep disabled brother in cold conservatory so we could stay (I declined as think everyone would be miserable!)

I've already said no as I think Christmas day is so magical for little ones (last year she was sick so it was a wash-out) I don't think spending 2+ hours in car plus many hours trying to wrangle them, timing feeding and naps etc is a good use of precious holiday time. I was just wondering if others would feel the same but I think I'm in the minority or have particularly stroppy kids.

No I wouldn't. Mine are similarly aged. I'm driving 30 minutes each way to pop in to Parents for a couple of hours whilst DH makes dinner. I can cope with this and everyone will enjoy it.

You say that the kids won't be happy. That's the most important bit. Sod everyone else.

Nope. I’ve done my travelling around to see multiple family members on Christmas Day. This year we will have a 3yr 10 month old and a 9 month old and we will be inviting family over to us in the afternoon.

Really interesting to see people’s different responses.

For me, no and YANBU. It’s an hour there and back and only you would be doing the driving - on very little sleep. I have a 7 month year old so am also in the throws of crawling / weaning / trying to get the nap and wouldn’t find this relaxing on Christmas. But depends on the baby, mine would scream in the car so only short journeys wouldn’t fill me with dread.

Have a nice Christmas at home!

Can't see an issue at all.
We’ve done that for what seem for ever. Spending Christmas Eve and part of Christmas Day with my parents and the night the rest of Christmas Day with my PIL.
2 hours drive between the two houses (we live about 1 hour away from each of them, in opposite direction)

If you don’t want to go then don’t. However another way is to just go with the flow more. Baby could nap in pram whilst someone takes them out for stroll after lunch. 4 year olds might moan but it can be made into an adventure. I have travelled a LOT so I realise what it’s like with child.

Baby won't nap in pram.

You obviously don't want to go so don't. I don't get this whole trekking young kids round on Christmas day when they'd far rather stay at home, as would the majority of the parents. If it was going to be a wonderful family other four year olds running round mayhem type of day, maybe, if it suited me. Who's the family member?

I wouldn’t personally, unless I was desperate to see whichever family member it was. It’s not fair on your 4 year old to rush them away from their toys after the excitement of stockings etc, plus even if baby sleeps in the car if they’re crawling & weaning age then they probably need 3-3.5 hours of naps per day, so they’re still likely to be overtired, which is no fun for anyone. It doesn’t sound very relaxing! I have two DC similar age and we’re planning a relaxing day at home - my 4 yo can play with her toys as long as she likes, we can play with the tiny Lego/Sylvanians while her baby sister is napping, if we feel like some fresh air we can go for a walk or just play in the garden. Yes Christmas is about family - but don’t forget YOU are a family unit and you can rarely please everybody on Christmas Day, so you might as well please yourself!

I wouldn’t if it meant I had to come back the same day

Yes, easy but I used to take my 3 dc to nursery and it was a 40-60 mins drive each way on a regular basis. But if it doesn't work for you that's fine. Just go with what's best for your family.

I’m surprise though atbhard you are finding it to put your two dcs in the car.
I mean baby is portable and should just do what you’ve decided.
4yo should be used to get into the car and no moan constantly?

Yes - I have happily done so. I love a big family Christmas - I do it one year (for 15) and then go to others for the alternate years. Its nice to be able to be the guest and not have to do all the cooking, instead joining in with all the fun and having good chats with people. The kids love it too.

But why go so early? We'd leave around 10.20 - 11ish after a nice relaxing morning at home to get there for 12. We'd then leave to come home around 6 or 7pm - later now as my kids are a lot older.

Sounds a long day for young dc's. On the basis they get tired I'd plan to arrive at 1:30 and leave by 4pm. But if you'd rather not go then explain it's difficult with excited youngsters.

Then home to a lazy eve with a couple of drinks once the kids are in bed.

I think you’re in a minority allowing your 4yo’s mood dictate Christmas Day!

Yes of course I would, I think you’re being a bit ridiculous and precious? Kids that age can travel for that long easily.
I think the issue is not the kids (who will be fine) but the fact YOU don’t want to go and are looking for an excuse...

forgot to say (not meaning to dripfeed!) we'll be seeing them all a few weeks beforehand and probably on Boxing day/27th if we don't go to them.

I think you're over thinking the situation a bit.

If you don't want to go - don't - but don't use the children as an excuse. Much more honest to say you would like a quiet Christmas with just the 4 of you.

However it is an hour away.

You don't have to leave at 9.30 for a 2-3pm lunch. Give your 4yr old an early lunch at 11.30 (she'll be ready for it if she's been up since 5am) and leave at 12.30. You will arrive in time to be sociable before lunch. 4yr old can sit at the table with some nibbly bits. Adults (all of them ) can take turns entertaining the baby during lunch. Baby then can sleep mid afternoon (do you have a travel cot?)
Leaving at 3.30, straight after lunch does seem rude to me, in fact lunch will probably not be finished if it's anything like my family at Christmas.

we'd have to go so earlyish so baby can nap in the car without getting hysterical.

Well you obviously don't want to go. Personally I'd go, but could you not leave at naptime and come home at bedtime? My dds would sit and have a second lunch for at least some of it. Or a travel cot in a bedroom for naptime?

I’d do an hours travel but not too much more.

I’d be more bothered about 4 year old old getting presents in the evening. Would she have had any presents at home first?

Also don’t get how it takes a hour to get 2 kids in a car but that’s not the point if the thread.

We used to do this, it was fine but now we stay here and go Boxing Day.

Tbh the arse of driving for me was made up by not having to cook dinner.

Ps you could relax the timings on food and naps, I’m sure your kids would cope! Go and see your family, you don’t know how many family xmases you have left either them. Also, all 4yo kids are stroppy

If I wanted to go I'd go. If I didn't it wouldn't be worth the hassle. People think it's going to be fun to have your kids at their house for Christmas. It's not. And because you're the mother you'll be the one whose day will be ruined while you try and keep the 4 year old from interrupting the adult conversations and the baby from pulling down the Christmas tree. The mumsnet classic "it's not going to work for us" and open the gin and tonic at whatever time you want in the comfort of your own childproofed toy-filled home!