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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want her to give the card back?

200 replies

CardCardCard · 10/11/2018 14:24

DH works in a supermarket and has an employee’s store card which gives him a significant discount. He is also entitled to one additional spouse’s card.

For over 5 years, his mum has been using this card.

DH and I got married 2 years ago. And at first I was happy to just go shopping together to get the discount.

But now we have a DC, I’m getting fed up of having to wait until he’s around to do the weekly shop and would like him to take the card off his mum so that I can use it at my convenience.

However all hell has broken loose with his mum calling me a selfish demanding bitch. She says it’s unreasonable of me to want to take it off her when DH and I can share his card.

Thing is though, I don’t even know if it’s legal for her to be using the card at all. It specifically says it’s for the partner of said cardholder.

AIBU to want DH to take the card off her?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 10:16

I do think it's quite significant that the OP has not confirmed the Ts&Cs of the card or said whose name is on it. Which considering she decided to say her MIL called her a selfish demanding bitch when she actually called her something like a cheeky mare suggests that there might be-shall we say-faults on both sides?

ShovingLeopard · 11/11/2018 10:20

Well that was a waste of time. 8 pages in, and OP still hasn't bothered to clarify the rules around who can have the card. Which the whole thing hinges on.

Why bother to start a thread if you're not prepared to give enough information to allow posters to give considered advice?

YouBetterWORK · 11/11/2018 10:22

You have the card (as per the actual rules!) and she can wait for him to take her for the weekly shop instead - if he doesn't want to do it then that will be that!

If you're going with your husband into his work for shopping purposes with your child, then his colleagues must know you're his wife. Every time his mother uses that spouses card she is risking him being reported to management for misuse.

Berthatydfil · 11/11/2018 10:25

We don’t know the actual store in question so as a result we don’t know the rules around the use of the card, who can have on etc.
This does impact on this issue so I suggest that op asks her dh to get his staff card policy and check out what it says on who can use the second card.
If he works for a store that has very strict rules and severe consequence for wrongful use ie requires it to be a household member etc and misuse is a sacking offence then dh must decide what’s more important his mum or his job and get the card back.
If he works somewhere with more relaxed rules then op tells dh he either gets the card back or he does all the shopping from now on.

starzig · 11/11/2018 10:28

I personally couldn't ask my MIL to return a card like that. I would personally feel like a selfish bitch.

explodingkitten · 11/11/2018 10:29

Tell DH to get the card back or you'll report it stolen to the store. They will have a policy on this.

Weetabixandshreddies · 11/11/2018 10:29

The supermarket that I know of the additional card is only for someone living in the same household as the employee. If your husband is caught he could lose his job.

Weetabixandshreddies · 11/11/2018 10:49

People saying OP is selfish

  1. her husband could get the sack if this is discovered. You would be surprised at what management watch for in stores.

  2. in the store that I know the discount is limited so every £1 of discount MIL receives is £1 less that OP and husband receive. Many staff do use the full discount every year. The OP and husband are effectively subsidising the MIL out of their own pocket. Do many of you do that?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/11/2018 11:00

Someone asked what the discount card is worth.

They are usually 10% off but can rise to 20% for occasions, Christmas etc. They can also include other stores. So if you use them every week it can quickly mount up. Which is why they are single household cards and why misuse is usually punished quite harshly.

ButchyRestingFace · 11/11/2018 11:14

I personally couldn't ask my MIL to return a card like that. I would personally feel like a selfish bitch

I would swipe it out of her hand in one hot second if I thought her having it jeopordised her son’s job.

But really, I would expect him to do it for himself.

She can accompany him for her shopping in future.

Original poster
CardCardCard · 11/11/2018 11:18

Ok, so the card is for immediate members of the household which means you have to be living in the same address.

I had a serious chat with DH and agreed that we shouldn’t risk his job over this card’s misuse.

OP posts:
stopeatingthatpls · 11/11/2018 11:39

And how would she have done that without a key to copy

Her DH had a key????

We were renting and it was one of those weird keys you can’t just get cut anyway - you have to go through some sort of building company. And the landlords didn’t want to give us another key

Ahhh that makes more sense 😂 We have one of those keys.

beeefcake · 11/11/2018 11:40

Make an anonymous complaint about misuse of the card!!!!

It isn't a right! She has been lucky to use it for so long

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/11/2018 11:43

@beeefcake that will result in ops husband being sacked.

ButchyRestingFace · 11/11/2018 11:49

Make an anonymous complaint about misuse of the card!!!!

What a wonderful idea. OP’s husband can get his P45 just in time for Christmas.

charlestonchaplin · 11/11/2018 11:55

beeefcake If you were the OP you'd probably do that and then look on in confusion as your world collapses around you.

toasterstrudle · 11/11/2018 12:03

I just wouldn't do any shopping at all and make DH go every single time until he gets sick of it and gets the card back.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/11/2018 14:21

I had a serious chat with DH and agreed that we shouldn’t risk his job over this card’s misuse

So what's he proposing to do about it?

ClaryFray · 11/11/2018 14:27

It's a spouses card, you are the spouse. Give him a list everyweek, at in incident times say 7am Saturday morning because you need things for breakfast becauae you've had no time to go, due to not having the card.

He'll soon change his mind.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/11/2018 14:45

It isn't a spouse card, it's a household card. Covers A N Other who lives in the same house as the staff member - husband, wife, child, partner, room mate, etc etc

It is to support 1 single household and they don't / can't be specific as they will be discriminating against someone if they do!

CaptainHammer · 11/11/2018 15:01

So he is getting the card back from her yes?

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 11/11/2018 15:21

I've read 8 pages, will it be many more before we find out if the mil gives the card back?

With my old discount card you weren't even allowed to buy things for other family members and they give you the money back. People did it f course but I was always terrified that on the couple of occasions I did buy something for my mum, I was going to get sacked. Not worth the risk.

Ringbinger · 11/11/2018 15:58

I’m still curious to know what name is on the 2nd card, that the MIL has, if the OP would care to —finally— answer Grin

Regardless, it’s your DH who is most in the wrong here; he should never have given his mother the card as they weren’t living together. He’s the employee, it’s the terms of his contract, it shouldn’t take his wife and many people on an Internet forum for him to realise this. He’s —created— got a situation now where his mother blames his wife, and his wife blames his mother, while he’s the poor hapless soul in the middle of these wimmin Hmm

Ringbinger · 11/11/2018 15:59

Argh strikeout fail

Alexandra2018 · 11/11/2018 16:00

If it's not for the same household you get sacked in Asda over this (family work there )

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