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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want her to give the card back?

200 replies

CardCardCard · 10/11/2018 14:24

DH works in a supermarket and has an employee’s store card which gives him a significant discount. He is also entitled to one additional spouse’s card.

For over 5 years, his mum has been using this card.

DH and I got married 2 years ago. And at first I was happy to just go shopping together to get the discount.

But now we have a DC, I’m getting fed up of having to wait until he’s around to do the weekly shop and would like him to take the card off his mum so that I can use it at my convenience.

However all hell has broken loose with his mum calling me a selfish demanding bitch. She says it’s unreasonable of me to want to take it off her when DH and I can share his card.

Thing is though, I don’t even know if it’s legal for her to be using the card at all. It specifically says it’s for the partner of said cardholder.

AIBU to want DH to take the card off her?

OP posts:
category12 · 10/11/2018 17:23

Matters of whether he could lose his job for misuse aside, (which are other posters' arguments, not your own reason for wanting her card) - I think you are being selfish, OP.

Your Mil's had the discount for 5 years, she's used to having it and probably budgets accordingly. So you're expecting her to have to pay out more on her shopping, just for your own convenience.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/11/2018 17:24

If that is the case then OP and her DH can have a conversation about supporting MIL financially in a manner that can't lose him his job!

LetsDoItAgain · 10/11/2018 17:27

His Mum having his spouse card was your first red flag OP. 😂😂😂

Memom · 10/11/2018 17:28

A friend recently had to dismiss several members of staff at the supermarket she works because of this . During an audit it discovered several discount cards were being used by family members not living at same address as employee. Don't know how they found out but several staff were sacked for it!

YoloThankfully · 10/11/2018 17:29

If you report it stolen and she uses it, he can't get into trouble. Family members do steal, he weren't to know it was her the whole time Shock

BertrandRussell · 10/11/2018 17:29

"His Mum having his spouse card was your first red flag OP. 😂😂😂"

Well, no it wasn't. He lived there for 5 years. Why wouldn't his mother have the other available discount card?

Calling her a selfish demanding bitch, however..........

ExplodedPeach · 10/11/2018 17:33

Surely the obvious solution is for your DH to do the shopping after his shift. Then he and MIL can both have cards and he can do shopping when he's there already rather than you doing a separate trip!

mrsm43s · 10/11/2018 17:35

The very obvious solution here is that you get your card back, and in return, your DH promises to (and follows through with) take his mum shopping every week. This is then win:win, you get what you want, and MIL gets a guaranteed couple of hours a week where she gets her son to herself, and she still gets the discount. I suspect you won't like that though!

MsLexic · 10/11/2018 17:35

What a lovely lady! NOT.I think your husband should have a word with her.

LewisMam · 10/11/2018 17:35

Tell DH he either gets the card back or does the shopping himself. And back off from MIL now you know how she truly feels about you. I wouldn’t be inviting her to anything with you over the festive season. Or ever again.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 17:39

@YoloThankfully

That would only work if he reported it stolen when he first moved out of his mother's house. They will have footage if her using the card over and over, it staff recollections of her using the card over and over... And he only now reports it stolen?

He'd get fired.

flossieisbossy · 10/11/2018 17:52

I agree that you need to get the card back
would she be spiteful and tell the store though ?

ReanimatedSGB · 10/11/2018 17:53

To be fair, only allowing such a card to be given to a spouse is discriminatory: not every supermarket worker has - or wants - a spouse. It should be that they are all allowed one extra card, to be given to the named person of their choice. Even if it were 'family members' where does that leave the young, single employee in a house-share, if they can't give the extra card to a nominated housemate?

Sorry that's no help to your specific situation, OP. Which sounds like a bigger problem than the discount card, anyway.

LightastheBreeze · 10/11/2018 17:58

DS’s didn’t have a spouse card, it could be used by any household member and I could still have it while he was at university. When he left university his housemate had it as I couldn’t then, he carried on working there part time alongside his other job for a while

So no discrimination

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:18

They aren’t spouse cards. I can’t inagine any shop is discriminatory enough to say they are. I had one at 16 for my Saturday job and gave it to my mum

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:19

Posted too soon- meant to say I can’t see anyway that OPs H can get the card back without getting in trouble- as others have said the shop can see it’s been used for over 5 years by his mum

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:22

@Caprisunorange

The wording is usually "spouse or partner or family member living in your household"

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:22

Which the mum was at the time so not unusual at all

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:27

I don't think OP has been clear about whether he was living with her or not. Just that he was a confirmed bachelor so gave the card to his mum.

But that doesn't matter. She is not in his household so he can get fired.

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:29

But at the moment he’s getting away with it. If he tries to fix it he’ll get fired - how can he resolve it without confessing?

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:32

It's very easy... he takes the card off his mum. Gives it to his wife. If employer asks, he can say she was living with them for height reasons, whilst keeping her own home going. There'd be no way to disprove it without going all detective and asking the neighbours.

But they most likely won't ask. It will only come to their attention if he has the card blocked and they look into it. A family member moving out, or spouse moving in is common so easy to just mention in passing.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:33

*health

Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:36

But the mum won’t give it up

ThePinkOcelot · 10/11/2018 18:38

How much is the discount? Surely it can’t be that much surely, that you wouldn’t go and buy a few bits and pieces?

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:38

Well that's because they went to her and said "we want it back so she can do the shopping whenever she likes, so we will have both cards and you will have none". So, they just come across as selfish. If they actually explain that he will lose his job, I imagine she will have a change of heart.... or will demand to move in with them, you never know.