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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want her to give the card back?

200 replies

CardCardCard · 10/11/2018 14:24

DH works in a supermarket and has an employee’s store card which gives him a significant discount. He is also entitled to one additional spouse’s card.

For over 5 years, his mum has been using this card.

DH and I got married 2 years ago. And at first I was happy to just go shopping together to get the discount.

But now we have a DC, I’m getting fed up of having to wait until he’s around to do the weekly shop and would like him to take the card off his mum so that I can use it at my convenience.

However all hell has broken loose with his mum calling me a selfish demanding bitch. She says it’s unreasonable of me to want to take it off her when DH and I can share his card.

Thing is though, I don’t even know if it’s legal for her to be using the card at all. It specifically says it’s for the partner of said cardholder.

AIBU to want DH to take the card off her?

OP posts:
Caprisunorange · 10/11/2018 18:39

To be honest it seems better all round to just carry on as is and let her keep it

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 10/11/2018 18:41

Just because you get away with a fraud 1000 times, doesn't mean you will get away with it 10001 times.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/11/2018 18:53

If you report it stolen and she uses it, he can't get into trouble. Family members do steal, he weren't to know it was her the whole time

That may depend on what she said at the till when the card was declined

If she had the sense to say "I've not used it before so didn't know I couldn't" that would be one thing ... saying "what do you mean I can't? I always have ..." would be quite another

ThePinkOcelot · 10/11/2018 19:00

What has your husband actually said about his mother calling you a bitch?!

Beetlebum1981 · 10/11/2018 19:00

Give DH a shopping list whenever you need something, I'm sure he'll soon ask for the other one 😁

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/11/2018 19:01

If they actually explain that he will lose his job, I imagine she will have a change of heart

We can only hope so ... Hmm

VanGoghsDog · 10/11/2018 19:04

I used to work in HR in retail. I lost count of the number of people I sacked for this sort of abuse of discount.

She should never have had the card in the first place.

Get it back from her. It only takes one person to meet you and then see her use the card to put two and two together. Not worth it.

Original poster
CardCardCard · 10/11/2018 19:06

We are not English and so I used “bitch” as the equivalent. The name she called me is, on reflection, not as bad as bitch. More like selfish cow, although cow is still stronger. Maybe more like cheeky mare.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 10/11/2018 19:07

@Iaimtomisbehave1

Employers don't have to 'prove' stuff to dismiss people. The discount is discretionary and the employer only has to have reasonable belief it has been abused.

The security and contractual terms on this stuff are very very tight. Retail employers have seen all the tricks. They don't take any shit over this, it's summary dismssal.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/11/2018 19:12

Cheeky mare is worlds away from selfish bitch

petbear · 10/11/2018 19:30

@cardcardcard

We are not English and so I used “bitch” as the equivalent. The name she called me is, on reflection, not as bad as bitch. More like selfish cow, although cow is still stronger. Maybe more like cheeky mare.

So what DID your MIL actually call you then?! Hmm You said 'selfish demanding bitch,' and now it's just 'cheeky mare!' Hmm Which is it?!

FGS did she even kick off and refuse to give the card back at all?!

Have you and DH even asked her for it?!

It seems very petty to want to take this discount card from her to give yourself a tiny minor convenience. You seem to be very keen to take this little `bonus" from her - it seems men and petty to me.

Nothing petty at ALL about taking it back. FGS the woman isn't supposed to even HAVE it. The OP's husband could get the SACK if it's discovered his mother is using it!!!

Are people not getting this at all? Confused

Ringbinger · 10/11/2018 19:32

The OP didn’t ask for the card back because of risk of her DH being fired. She asked for it for her own ease of shopping. The card was given to her MIL 3 years before the OP married her DH and she hasn’t said (a) whether it’s in line with teens of the card for his mother to have been given it at the time and (b) if the OP and her DH were together 5 years ago.

The OP has also said that her MIL didn’t call her a bitch but something milder.

So OP, until you make it clear that it is fraud for your MIL to have the card, and always has been, and that this has been pointed out to her, then I’m going to say YABU. Seems petty to take it from her after her having it years, provided she’s entitled to use it.

Ringbinger · 10/11/2018 19:35

Sorry typo (s) teens = terms

petbear · 10/11/2018 19:37

The OP's husband's mother is NOT entitled to use the card FGS.

READ THE FULL THREAD! Only the partner or spouse of the employee is allowed to use the employees discount. !!! If this is discovered that the OP's husband's mother is using it, he will be fired.

There are a few people on here with serious comprehension issues! Hmm

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/11/2018 19:43

Not to victim-blame, but...

There has to be a back story here.

Putting the legalities of her having the card to one side for the moment, I can't imagine even wanting to take the card off my MIL.

If she's had it for years, taking it off her, so that we can have two, just seems really petty. Yes, it does cause the OP a bit of an inconvenience. But for the sake of maintaining good relationships with key people in my life, I'd want MIL to continue to have it.

It sounds like the OP isn't so interested in doing this. Is that because the MIL is a total bitch? Or 'mare'? Or is the DIL partly at fault here?

Back to the legalities of the card. Obviously, this is the real reason MIL has to give it up.

If this has been given as the reason in the first place, this whole scenario could've been avoided.

LightastheBreeze · 10/11/2018 19:45

OP says in her second post that her DH hasn’t lived with his DM for 15 years so she should have never been given the card in the first place as they weren’t in the same household

Carbivorous · 10/11/2018 19:48

Shopping becomes his job, clearly.

Especially as he’s in the store ALREADY.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/11/2018 19:49

No, MIL should never have been given it in the first place, but she was, so this is the situation they're in.

Ringbinger · 10/11/2018 19:50

@petbear I’ve read the full thread and seen what others have said about their card, but I’m keeping an open mind as to what the situation is with the OP’s DH’s card. She said it was a spouse card, but others on here have said theirs are for other members of the same household - so it may have been fine for the MIL to have it. It may even still be fine for her to use it even though she’s not in the same house because of the particular terms of this particular card. The OP had said they’re not English - which could mean that they all live in this country, but could also imply they don’t. And at least one other person on this thread has said that they (and their mother) don’t live with the cardholder (their sister) any more but they have permission from the company to use it still.

Ringbinger · 10/11/2018 19:55

Also the OP has said that she can’t use her DH’s card because it’s got his name on it. So what name is on the other card? She’s been asked that and hasn’t answered.

It sounds tbh as if it’s the DH who is BU - he probably was in breach of contract for giving it to his mother in the first place, and has now placed the OP in the position of bad cop.

Tistheseason17 · 10/11/2018 19:55

I would want to have the card so I did not have to rely on DH being around. Must be quite irritating to be shopping only on days/times DH around.

Sounds like MIL is not entitled to use card anyway and could be putting his job at risk.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/11/2018 20:00

3 members of my family work in 3 different supermarkets. The discount cards can be used by a nominated user that lives in the household. The cards only have the staff members name on the front.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/11/2018 20:02

All 3 would be sacked if a non household member was caught using the card

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 10/11/2018 20:08

I used to work for M&S and you could only have a second card if that person lived with you.

It was a disciplinary if you got found out if they didn't live with you.

Jimdandy · 10/11/2018 20:10

I worked for Asda for 4 years and if they caught his Mum using it when he didn’t life with her, he’d be dismissed for gross misconduct!