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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want her to give the card back?

200 replies

CardCardCard · 10/11/2018 14:24

DH works in a supermarket and has an employee’s store card which gives him a significant discount. He is also entitled to one additional spouse’s card.

For over 5 years, his mum has been using this card.

DH and I got married 2 years ago. And at first I was happy to just go shopping together to get the discount.

But now we have a DC, I’m getting fed up of having to wait until he’s around to do the weekly shop and would like him to take the card off his mum so that I can use it at my convenience.

However all hell has broken loose with his mum calling me a selfish demanding bitch. She says it’s unreasonable of me to want to take it off her when DH and I can share his card.

Thing is though, I don’t even know if it’s legal for her to be using the card at all. It specifically says it’s for the partner of said cardholder.

AIBU to want DH to take the card off her?

OP posts:
MyBrexitIsIll · 10/11/2018 20:24

I think he should do all the weekly shopping from now in as he is the one to have the card.

And then wait and see.
He might be happy to do so.
Or he might quickly get fed up and ask his mum for the card back

MrsRubyMonday · 10/11/2018 20:32

I also know someone who worked in the same store as me who was fired for giving his mum his discount card to make a purchase. They ran a random check when she tried to scan it, but our terms said the employee had to be present when the purchase was made, and the mum was in a town several hours away from where we worked. Stores take this stuff seriously and anything suspicious could lead to additional checks and the OPs husband will lose his job if breaking the terms.

7salmonswimming · 10/11/2018 20:33

Who’s name is on MIL’s card?

CottonTailRabbit · 10/11/2018 20:45

Ignore her name calling. She hates you anyway, so no change there. Make damn sure the card comes back to you, never mind the squeals. Don't feel bad, if DH wants to take her shopping sometimes with his card there's nothing stopping him.

CluedoCat · 10/11/2018 20:58

I worked for a supermarket while at uni, and was also given one of these cards.

The rules are usually pretty clear - in my case the second holder had to be in the same household as mine. If I gave it to a friend or even allowed someone who wasn't in my household to use it, it would be a disciplinary matter or even grounds for dismissal. That's not to say people don't do it the odd time, but it would be daft to do it for big purchases or allow someone else to do it on a regular basis.

If your DH has a harsh manager and they find out he's going against the rules, it could be serious. Stores don't go lightly where staff privileges are concerned. They will see it as theft as it goes against the stated rules, and he could lose all his cards at best, and lose his job at worst. The store would also be within their rights to demand all the cash she's saved back. So if giving it to him mum is against the stated rules, he needs to sort it out...

jmh740 · 10/11/2018 21:01

Many years before I knew my oh he did this with his ex mil he got sacked and now has a fraud conviction that shows up on his dbs check 20 years later, this was at tesco

shiveringtimber · 10/11/2018 21:43

Your MIL's got a vile mouth on her. If anyone's a selfish bitch in this situation, it's her.

IAmBeyonceAlways · 10/11/2018 22:50

shiveringtimber it was the equivalent of "cheeky mare" not selfish bitch OP has said

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 05:28

So she didn’t actually call you a “selfish demanding bitch”? Right.......

ButchyRestingFace · 11/11/2018 07:22

We are not English and so I used “bitch” as the equivalent. The name she called me is, on reflection, not as bad as bitch. More like selfish cow, although cow is still stronger. Maybe more like cheeky mare.

FFS, talk about overegging the cake! Hmm

I don't think you've confirmed yet whose name is on that card - can you do so?

IloveJudgeJudy · 11/11/2018 08:22

I also work in a big supermarket and it's made very clear that the second card has to be given only to someone living at the same address as the employee. Actually I've just looked up the policy and it has to be a family member which includes carers. I've heard many stories of people being sacked for misuse of the card. I used mine to send DS1 online shopping when he was away at uni. That's ok, but I couldn't give it to him to use himself.

Your DH's job really is at risk. That needs to be made very clear to your MIL.

ohlittlepea · 11/11/2018 08:27

I know someone who lost her job over this.

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 11/11/2018 08:43

Which of you spoke to his mum about the card? What was said when the phrases demanding bitch was used.

I see it from both sides and think this has turned into a power play. If this was your mum or someone you liked, you might deal with the inconvenience.better.

Fairylea · 11/11/2018 08:49

Can’t he just tell her the rules have changed (even if they haven’t) and she can’t have the card anymore because it has to be people at the same address / a spouse blah blah? Just make up something and say he needs it back.

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 09:15

“What was said when the phrases demanding bitch was used.“

They weren’t used.

bakebakebake · 11/11/2018 09:45

I'm really surprised about the rules on these discount cards.
When me and DH worked at the same supermarket we had 3 cards each.. and we were allowed to give them to whoever to use.
They were stated as "friends and family" to introduce more people in store.

If you want the card, then you should have it. So I'm totally on your side about this. When I left the job, we went down to just 3 cards and there was 3 people complaining about losing their card!

I bloody loved that card on 20% off days. We had our wedding at home so had to buy lots of alcohol and food.. we spent £360 but managed to save £60!

crispysausagerolls · 11/11/2018 09:54

This reminds me of when I got together with DH and his mother had his spare key, so he and I had to share a key for ages as he didn’t want to ask his mother for it back. Actually once involved me having to sleep in a hotel for a night as i couldn’t wake him up or get into the flat. Might have been fine (ignoring store policy) BEFORE you were on the scene, but as soon as you guys were together, that card belonged to you. It’s your card. She enjoyed a nice little bonus for a few years and now it has come to the end. You are hs wife, of course you shouldn’t have to organise a shopping trip every single time with someone else. I got the key back, and you need the card back.

Especially since she was rude about you/to you.

stopeatingthatpls · 11/11/2018 09:59

This reminds me of when I got together with DH and his mother had his spare key, so he and I had to share a key for ages as he didn’t want to ask his mother for it back. Actually once involved me having to sleep in a hotel for a night as i couldn’t wake him up or get into the flat.

Why didn’t you just get another key cut? Hmm

6onTheHappyFarm · 11/11/2018 10:06

Whose name is on the 2nd card?

I can see your MIL point of view. On a purely financial/practical level you and your DH already have a card and so can get much cheaper groceries already. You taking the card back off her puts her monthly grocery bill up.

BUT

If your DH hasn't cleared MILs use of the card with his employers his job is at risk. Your MIL getting half price groceries (or whatever) isn't worth your household losing that whole income over.

Darkstar4855 · 11/11/2018 10:06

Doesn’t matter whose name is on the card, if the rules are “for household members only” and the MIL is caught using it then he will be disciplined and possibly fired. It only takes a checkout operator who knows he doesn’t live with his mother and sees her using it and decides to report him.

Personally I think the arguments about who ‘deserves’ the card are irrelevant now. I would be asking for the card back on the above grounds.

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/11/2018 10:08

^This reminds me of when I got together with DH and his mother had his spare key, so he and I had to share a key for ages as he didn’t want to ask his mother for it back. Actually once involved me having to sleep in a hotel for a night as i couldn’t wake him up or get into the flat.

Why didn’t you just get another key cut^

And how would she have done that without a key to copy? Hmm

crispysausagerolls · 11/11/2018 10:10

Why didn’t you just get another key cut?

We were renting and it was one of those weird keys you can’t just get cut anyway - you have to go through some sort of building company. And the landlords didn’t want to give us another key 🤷🏻‍♀️

sueelleker · 11/11/2018 10:11

Take DH's key to be copied?

6onTheHappyFarm · 11/11/2018 10:12

All I meant darkstar was that OP would have to be careful. If she's trying to use a card in MIL name. Especially if she's paying using a credit or debit card in her name. She might have to get the name on the card changed over.

As I said your DHs job is at risk, that card has to come back.

LightastheBreeze · 11/11/2018 10:14

When DS got me my card he gave me a weighty lot of paperwork to read regarding it with loads of t&c, I was allowed to keep it though while he was at university, even though the didn't live at home

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