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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 10/11/2018 13:46

My answer is practical

Staying there and fighting will cause stress and unhappiness

Move on with the new skills , get something better

Why what would a man say ? Fight , Get her down ! And you up ? Confused

Alfie190 · 10/11/2018 13:53

Agree it is nothing to do with sex. Most men and women would want to get on with their own job, doing it in the way that they see fit and without interference. I suspect OP is imagining her changes are much more beneficial than they really were.

Going to boss's boss because the boss has chosen to do things differently, then gossiping to co-workers about her boss, who has just returned from maternity leave is an appalling way to behave and I suspect OP is going to come out of this looking immature, bitter and twisted (because she is).

bridgetreilly · 10/11/2018 13:56

The boss is, well, the boss. She gets to decide which way to do things. Normally you'd get to make suggestions. In this situation you've had the chance to implement new eays which she's tried and decide not to continue. She is entitled to do that BECAUSE SHE IS THE BOSS.

If you no longer want to keep working for her in the circumstances, that's entirely up to you, but you don't get to tell her how to do her job.

Shambu · 10/11/2018 14:05

Just read the thread - it's frustrating OP. You just need to crack on and try and get promoted.

BigChocFrenzy · 10/11/2018 14:05

Bringing in changes, if successful, can help you get promoted

However, a junior ganging up with her mates to undermine the boss and going over the head of her boss to complain
would get you slapped down in every company I've worked for

whether the junior is a man or a woman

Shambu · 10/11/2018 14:06

^Going to boss's boss because the boss has chosen to do things differently, then gossiping to co-workers about her boss, who has just returned from maternity leave is an appalling way to behave and I suspect OP is going to come out of this looking immature, bitter and twisted (because she is).

Where did you get gossip from? OP works with a team, she'd have to be completely out of the loop not to know how her team are feeling. You're twisting her words.

And as for 'immature, bitter and twisted' I would look to yourself on that's score.

Shambu · 10/11/2018 14:11

However, a junior ganging up with her mates to undermine the boss and going over the head of her boss to complain

OP didn't say anything about ganging up with 'mates' or otherwise.

When a new boss comes in or an old boss comes back, it's impossible not to pick up on how others are feeling about it.

If the team aren't happy it makes sense for the OP, as she was in temporary leader role, to be the one to take the concerns higher. The boss's boss doesn't seem particularly concerned about OP's behaviour or he could have said something.

OlennasWimple · 10/11/2018 14:16

Just dust off your CV and apply for a new role somewhere else.

As your boss's boss, I'd have been annoyed at you coming to me to complain about the mat leave returner reinstating the previous processes which (presumably) worked well for her.

I've done jobs where someone in the team has been doing my job on temporary promotion and then had to revert to grade when I started. Once it was fine, because the person who had been caretaking was lovely and had no interest in career progression. Mostly it's been a nightmare, TBH, having someone working to you who is resentful and wants your job

Binkybix · 10/11/2018 15:08

You absolutely won’t have cut off all civil service options - it’s a huge place crying out for people. Apply somewhere at the higher grade where your manager has bit been before and you’ll be fine. What grade are you now?

Binkybix · 10/11/2018 15:09

Not been before.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 10/11/2018 15:21

I'm EO

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 10/11/2018 15:30

Ffs there’s some very defensive people on here. Making changes to make a role more efficient and pointing out your boss perhaps wasn’t as good at the job as you is not ‘tearing another woman down’. Are we not allowed to question or criticise women at all now? How ridiculous.

Op, the only thing you did wrong is saying ‘this is how we do it now’, if that is indeed how you worded it, you should have phrased it better. Making the changes shows ambition and initiative. And as for ‘gossiping with colleagues’ and then being ‘afraid to disagree with you’ - what utter rubbish, unless you’re all a bunch of doormats who just go around saying what you think people want to hear. If a mat cover boss asked whether I preferred their way or the old way, I’d answer honestly. You do realise team members talk to each other? Perhaps the boss was just inefficient and shouldn’t be in that role. You were absolutely right to escalate your concerns, I’d have done the same. The job should be done by the best person for it, and it sounds like she isn’t and is feeling threatened that you’ve shown her up. I can’t bear this ‘unquestioningly accept everything your boss says’ attitude - I always question my boss because he’s utterly incompetent. I’m not doing what he says to the detriment of the company just because he thinks it’s a good idea, when I (the person the team day to day) know it isn’t. Sometimes you have to step over people and show up their weaknesses to get on in your career, the people with the balls to do that will come out on top

Binkybix · 10/11/2018 15:37

You’ve got a good chance to move up now that you’ve some experience, then. TBH I see why it’s got her back up a bit but there are some people who aren’t so great, and some weak management (I’m more on policy side) so you may well be right, but not worth hanging on and trying to resolve IMO.

pollymere · 10/11/2018 18:01

Smile, lots. If your way was better, then others will comment or ask to keep it the same. It's unfortunate that many people don't cope when they come back from ML. I decided it wasn't feasible and changed jobs. It could easily be that if she feels hassled, you might end up with her job anyway. Big boss seems a little non confrontational, but I'm sure others will speak up.

flossieisbossy · 10/11/2018 18:08

I think you have shot yourself in the foot OP

Jaxhog · 10/11/2018 18:22

Take it on the chin Op. You were just standing in while she was on ML.

However, now you've had a taste of the big chair, and liked it, you should now be looking for a big chair of your own. But leave hers alone.

tcc81 · 10/11/2018 18:51

Maybe your changes weren’t as good as you think they were. Maybe she’s finding her feet coming back into work and on reflection may take the changes on board. Maybe things will stay the same. But you always knew it was a temporary position. Go find a permanent promotion instead. As someone who has returned to work and they kept the person covering for me I can only say that it is very difficult especially if that person questions things you do and makes it very clear they resent your return. I was almost off work with stress because of it. Give your boss some time and back off! You lose some luck confidence after being in ML and it takes a good few months to feel back up to speed at work. Plus she could well be sleep deprived which won’t help with her mood. Please back off and give her space.

huggybear · 10/11/2018 19:09

Some people are so defensive! A lot changes in the period of maternity leave. Was OP just supposed to keep her team treading water whilst his boss was away? It does sound like the boss is being childish, some people don't like being offered new ideas, the same people who say shit like 'respect the hierarchy'

DownyEmerald · 10/11/2018 19:27

It is really hard coming back from mat leave...

Boulty · 10/11/2018 20:02

YABU nothing more to add to what others have said

OliviaStabler · 10/11/2018 20:03

It is monumentally hard to step up to a role and then have to step back down again. I did it and found it suffocating once I had to move back.

Get out of this job, your time at that company is over.

NotBeforeCoffee · 10/11/2018 20:14

You sound absolutely awful op.
You’ve been gossiping about her with colleagues, complaining about her to her seniors and basically trying to undermine her.

It’s really hard coming back from maternity leave, you feel like you have to start from nothing and build up your reputation again. Plus you miss your baby and you’re working out how to balance work and home life. What you don’t want on top is a bitchy colleague making it all harder

Teacher22 · 10/11/2018 20:38

She is worried that you did it all better than her way and is trying to reassert herself. She is probably still massively hormonal, worried she is going to lose her job and missing her baby.

Be magnanimous. If she leaves you can step into her shoes and do it your way. If not, get on with your life. I am sure you gained much kudos from being a very good deputy.

CharlotteLV · 10/11/2018 20:39

When I returned from mat leave I was delighted by the little changes and improvements my mat cover had implemented, and learned a lot from the way she had done the job in my absence. So I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit frustrated to be honest, having to watch all your good work be unpicked. But have you sat down with her and explained your changes, and did you get any positive feedback from others that you can share with her?

Loopytiles · 10/11/2018 20:44

It sounds like you don’t really respect your boss, and think you could do better. Which may well be justified. But she’s back in the role.

If you want a permanent opportunity for promotion, apply!