Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/11/2018 22:30

You do sound like you're being pretty awful. You pointed out to your boss that "this is how we do it now" rather than "this is how we have being doing it recently". You're talking about her behind her back with the rest of her team, discussing how your way was better. Can you not see that you're creating the bad feeling. She must feel really unwelcome back! I get that it's frustrating, but you're really not coming across well.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/11/2018 22:30

Get a new job ! As the vibe won’t work
You learnt some skills , update the CV

Fighting this will cause a lot of stress

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:33

Yeah maybe you're right I am stressed

OP posts:
ILoveAutum · 09/11/2018 22:34

You’re really not coming across well, but that’s maybe ‘End of week, pissed off, feeling inapprecuated’ etc

Maybe you way was better, msybe ghe other staff were happier, maybe you’d do the job better... BUT it’s HER job and you were MASSIVELY out of line going over her head to complain she wasn’t doing it your way. You were also out if line telling her ‘No, we do it like this now’. You don’t. You do it how she says because SHE is the manager now, not you. It’s HER decision how things are done, not yours.

It IS frustrating when you think/know you could do a better job...but until it’s YOUR job you just have to suck it up.

I jumped off of the ship of frustrating and into my own business. The freedom is amazing.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/11/2018 22:35

You might have Made some good changes . Maybe she isn’t that great

But fighting this with someone back from maternity leave is a NO win battle

If you win , she loses . It’s bad karma and it won’t feel right eventually . It’s will just be a shit massive load of stress

Focus on yourself , updating the CV with new skills and keeping it peaceful

krazyinlove · 09/11/2018 22:37

This happened to me covered maternity leave for my boss everything went great ran smoothly. She came back and was trying to micro manage . I left not long after had enough.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:39

Thanks for all your replies I will try to take it on board but it's not easy. I think I will start looking for a new job and bite my tongue in the meantime. I'm just so disappointed all my hard work is being undone Hmm

OP posts:
FloydWasACat · 09/11/2018 22:40

Maybe she'll have a third child and not come back wink

Wow, just wow

Grace212 · 09/11/2018 22:41

OP it took me a while to realise this but a lot of people fear streamlining and efficiency in case it leads to redundancies. I've seen this fear in a few places and used a streamlining approach to get myself a redundancy offer just recently.

So it could be that she has that fear. Or she fears being pushed out. Anyway, she's back in the role, she can do it how she wants.

bastardkitty · 09/11/2018 22:42

You think everyone agrees with you but they probably just won't tell you what they really think because you're a difficult person who lacks insight into the impact of your behaviour on other people. Your boss sounds quite diplomatic to be fair but you really have been very rude to her. I doubt very much that you will consider this though.

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:42

It probably doesn't help that you are seeing her chosing to go back to the old way of doing things as telling you that you were wrong.

You are taking her choices as the boss as personal slights to you. It does sound like you are trying to hold on to the power of being the one in charge, when you aren't anymore, and that will make you feel stressed and uptight, because it's a battle you can not win.

You need to find a way to let it go, and to go back to just being one of the team, not the one who has a say in how things are done.

If not, you need to update your CV and start looking for a new job.

Don't criticise her or her way of doing things. There's no way for you to win this.

ILoveAutum · 09/11/2018 22:46

Is anyone else’s iPad this fucking frustrating?!

‘inapprecuated’. WTAF?

Moreisnnogedag · 09/11/2018 22:48

Managing friends for a defined short period of time can be quite nice and ease you into the experience. They like you and you all get each other. But it can be awful on a long term basis and you can easily lose friends if you become their permanent manager. Think of having to do performance reviews, managing them if they are failing to meet their targets, refusing annual leave, internal disputes or having to do restructuring. Be realistic about the shitty aspects of being your friends’ boss and sometimes having to be the bad guy.

Often times it is better to go into a team as the boss rather than go from being ‘one of them’ to being the boss.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/11/2018 22:49

I can see it must be very frustrating, both for you and the team, if positive changes were made that have now been undone because the boss came back and didn't like them.

BUT - she is your boss. Yes she might have told you to make any changes while she was away but I doubt she promised to stick by them - she wouldn't have cared what happened while she wasn't there! So she's gone back to her way of doing things, for whatever reason (maybe just trying to reassert her authority in the role again) and now you have to make the decision what you do.

If the next line manager is refusing to listen to the opinions of yourself and the whole team (as it appears) then you have no support and will either have to suck it up or leave.

In all honesty, it would annoy the shit out of me too to be in your position - but as you can't change them, the only change you can make is for you - see if you can find a better job fit for you.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:50

I did all those things apart from restructuring. And refusing leave

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 09/11/2018 22:55

It’s frustrating but she’s the boss so you have to get over it or leave.

NoSquirrels · 09/11/2018 22:57

If the team want to approach her with the request to stick to the new way of working, because it’s eadier for the team as a whole, then they need to do that. It can’t come from you, sorry OP. Please don’t indulge anyone in agreeing your boss is being unreasonable and “undoing your hard work”. You need to rise above and be the bigger person - shut down any bitching to you about it and tell them it’s not fair for you to discuss it.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:58

They have said it to her but she doesn't listen

OP posts:
HarveyNickNacks · 09/11/2018 22:59

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here OP.

Although I do agree that you didn't really handle it well in your handover when your boss returned to work. It would have been much better to say that 'whilst you were away we evaluated processes/procudures and identified more effective ways of doing things. I'll be happy to talk you through them and the rationale once you're settled back in.'

I assume as you were covering the job whilst your boss was off that you were given the same level of authority to make decisions that she had? If so then you you were quite right to make the changes you did.

One of my team members, a manager, returned from a year's mat leave last month. Everything has changed since she left. New staff, new management structure, new processes and systems. She's had to adjust and learn and we're all supporting her. She has no option to but to adjust to and accept all the changes.

I'd pick your battles OP. Let her go back to the old ineffiecent ways. It will soon be noticed. Look for something else where you will be better supported. It doesn't sound like your organisation are really interested in doing things more efficiently. If I was your manager - not her - I'd want to hear your ideas and why they are better for the business.

Dragonbait · 09/11/2018 23:00

To be honest if your way was so much better and efficient then other staff would be complaining higher up and your bosses manager would be looking into it. I think the reality is that YOU believe your way is better and staff daresn't disagree with you. You give the impression of being very arrogant and unable to see your own failings.

Mbhatescf123 · 09/11/2018 23:09

It comes across you going to another person was in hope they would think you were so much better in the role and you would gain a higher position and that u might even take over the managers job. You would have been fine to manage in the way that works for you, but trying to enforce it after your boss returned and going to senior management about it is absolutely unreasonable and makes it obvious that you are doing it to bring it to attention of senior management, that you implemented changes to try to make it look like you would be better at the role and you now look sneaky and will be unlikely to be asked to step in to a higher role in future as they now know that you dont see it as temporary and you see yourself as more efficient at the role and take over to the extent of making changes and then dont accept the return of your boss to her role and still think you have a say and you have made it clear you dont care about being a supportive team member and will happily undermine your boss.

plaidlife · 09/11/2018 23:12

OP, you may be right about your way being better, or she may be right or there may be not much difference. I have done secondments for maternity when I was younger but I always moved onto a new job with my experience. Going back to your old role is unlikely to work, take your new found experience and translate it into a new more senior permanent job.

Feefeetrixabelle · 09/11/2018 23:15

Basically while the role is hers then it’s hers to run how she wishes with input from her line manager. She tried your way and it didn’t work for her. She’s done nothing wrong. Maybe it’s time for you to focus on how you develop further either within the company or elsewhere

theOtherPamAyres · 09/11/2018 23:21

OP - you went above your manager's head and made your feelings known to the "the Boss" That wasn't a good move.

You haven't handled this matter at all well.

GnomeDePlume · 09/11/2018 23:23

OrdinarySnowflake I think your posts have been very fair.

OP has stepped up for 6 months which in many work environments is a long time. OP is now expected to step back down without a backward glance.

IME senior managers make these temporary changes then conveniently forget about them at the next appraisal.

Be careful OP, senior managers are very good at forgetting the good things you have done if their most recent memory is of you not fitting back into your previous role.

Tidy up your CV, include your maternity cover and start looking for a new role.