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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 09/11/2018 22:07

but she is back,
you have the experience under your belt.
look elsewhere

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:08

Oh and perhaps your team did prefer you as a boss, perhaps you did do the job well. But it's done now, it was only for 6 months and you are no longer the boss.

That is hard for everyone to get used to, that you are back on their 'level' and have you fit back in to that, for you to get used to not being the one incharge anymore, for your boss to manage you back into your old role, knowing you are not going to be supportive of them, but hoping they go...

You are the one being unreasonable, it might be nice if your boss could see your ideas are an improvement, but she doesn't, so you have to accept that she's the one in charge now.

SoupDragon · 09/11/2018 22:09

It's clear I'm not going to have anyone agree with me here

So, you didn't mean to ask "who is being unreasonable" at all and just wanted to be told you were right.

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:11

OP Im starting to wish i never took the role - that's really common for mat leave covers.

It is hard to go back to your old role, or even to a new one but see "your" job being done by someone else differently.

Start updating your CV, you aren't going to be happy unless she leaves. (and then you could apply as an external candidate)

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:12

Oh and YABU - but it's understandable why you are being U. This is tough.

Honeyroar · 09/11/2018 22:13

But it gives you the experience to apply for a management role elsewhere - so it was very worth doing...

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:13

No I didn't just want to be told I was right, I just thought more people would agree with me as the entire team (10+) do

OP posts:
IAmBeyonceAlways · 09/11/2018 22:14

It must be difficult to step up for 6 moths, do a good job and then have to step back down. Ive always thought it must be tough to go back down. But this is what you have to do OP and just appreciate that you were given the opportunity, you can use this to improve you CV

SnipSnipMisterBurgess · 09/11/2018 22:14

I’ve a fair amount of sympathy for you, op. I presume you had support from management and maybe the changes you made were helpful to the business? Is there a bottom-line value to changes you made? I’ve had this, where a staff member covered a team leader’s maternity leave and did a tremendous job, and the returning team leader was very unwilling to go along with what were real and practical improvements to how we did business, especially staff training and record keeping.

tomhazard · 09/11/2018 22:15

I'm doing my boss's maternity leave at the moment and have gone out of my way to keep things as they were for when she returns.

It's horrible to come back from mat leave and someone has done what you've done - it happened to me. I'm a teacher and someone changed the layout of my classroom completely, even taking desks out, as they thought it was 'better that way'. I didn't think so, so changed it back!

It's her job, if you had understood the terms of maternity cover then you would get that. I feel sorry for your boss.

WinterIsComing84 · 09/11/2018 22:17

How do you know that the team aren't saying one thing to your face, and another to hers?
I'm sure if there was genuinely an issue with how she did things, then it would be noted, raised and dealt with.
To be honest, sounds like sour grapes on your part.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:19

No there's no bottom line, more to do with streamlining and making less work for people

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 09/11/2018 22:20

No I didn't just want to be told I was right, I just thought more people would agree with me as the entire team (10+) do

OMG! You sound worse and worse with every post. How do you know that every person on the team agrees with you OP? Did you confront them, survey them. what exactly? Were you gathering ammo to take to the boss? Of course they're going to agree with you, they're living this in real life, we just get the benefit of your 'personality' online.
I take back what I said earlier and I don't think you're ready to look for a similar job somewhere else. You clearly are not ready for the responsibilities of a higher position. It would be good if you could use this as a learning tool but I think you are too oblivious to the realities to do that.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:20

We are all a really close team so I don't think they would lie

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 09/11/2018 22:22

Be cautious. Stop asking other team members about how you are better than your boss. She is just back from mat leave and you could very easily fall foul of HR if she gets wind of what your up to.

I must admit to be interested how you know all 10+ other team members think you’re better - did you ask individually or as a group?

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:24

So I can't talk to my friends now

OP posts:
MollysMummy2010 · 09/11/2018 22:24

My assistant stepped up into my role when I took maternity leave and did a great job but used the experience to get a fantastic new position elsewhere as I came back after 5 months and wasn’t going anywhere. She knew the potential she had and realised she needed to leave. She was still supportive of me til she left though.

Louiselouie0890 · 09/11/2018 22:25

Sounds like your a tad bitter about stepping down

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 09/11/2018 22:25

Why are you even discussing it with them? This sounds awful. It sounds like you're trying to take over, tell her how to do her job and that your way is better and now stirring it behind her back.

What are you trying to achieve with that?

SnipSnipMisterBurgess · 09/11/2018 22:26

Is there an unspoken code that says going on maternity leave means changes or improvements can’t be made in the leaver’s absence?

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:27

Not lie as such, but as a close team, perhaps want to show support for you, and tell you what they think you want to hear.

And if close, perhaps they prefered having you as boss not because you did a better job, but because they like you more, and it didn't feel so much like "staff/boss" relationship with you in the role, as you were "one of them".

Think about if you can be just one of the team again, or if you want to be in a management role. You will probably have to leave your close team to do that, which will be hard. Managing strangers will be tougher than people you know well.

Neverender · 09/11/2018 22:28

I'm so sorry but it's not your job any more.

EveryCarIsAPplCarrier · 09/11/2018 22:29

@SnipSnipMisterBurgess

Is there an unspoken code that says going on maternity leave means changes or improvements can’t be made in the leaver’s absence?

Not at all, the Op has said that her boss tried the new way first but decided to go back to the old way... which is her right, it’s her job. If there’s issues with efficiency etc then that can be picked up by her bosses boss. The OP has no right to continue to tell someone how to do the job they used to do, which is in effect what she is doing here

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:30

Yes I was definitely one of them as I think you can get people to work better for you that way

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 09/11/2018 22:30

I think you were a teeny bit cheeky to change how someone else's job is done. And to complain about her when she's just back from
maternity leave is just horrible! It's her job, not yours.

^this

And by the sounds of it you've been shit stirring amongst the rest of the team. Not good management material. I know your type and you drive down morale.