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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Piccalillisnooze · 10/11/2018 09:21

bigchoc just said what I wanted to say more succinctly!

Alfie190 · 10/11/2018 09:21

You are being extremely unreasonable! Do your own job and stop trying to tell other people how to do theirs you are interfering!

Gwenhwyfar · 10/11/2018 09:26

"Do you not think that if your changes were so brilliant he would have supported them?"

I don't necessarily agree with that as it's quite likely the changes don't affect the manager's manager very much. Depending what they are, they could be changes that make things more efficient for people lower down than him and he may not be particularly aware or bothered about them. Sounds like he was indifferent to the changes rather than against them.

Original poster
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 10/11/2018 09:28

Ok thanks everyone I'm going to leave this here and look for another job

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 10/11/2018 09:32

This.
You don't get to make changes when you're just covering for someone's maternity leave. You're only looking after the job for someone else.

Bollocks. When you’re doing a job, it’s your job - you do it as you see fit. It’s ridiculous that someone should be hamstrung by the idea that they’re merely ‘looking after’ things. The OP was NOT doing some of her boss’s work as a favour - she was formally covering the role.

OP, you did nothing wrong in making changes. However, the reality is that it isn’t your job anymore. I get that it’s frustrating, but unfortunately it’s part and parcel of the decision you made to accept the maternity cover role. I personally would look elsewhere now and put my experience to good use.

stuffedpeppers · 10/11/2018 09:35

OP it is hard and I do think women ( and a growing number of men) who take maternity / paternity leave need to realise that whilst they are off for a year the job does not stay still.

We have just had a manager away for a year and the instructions to the cover manager were - you are just going to hold everything till I get back. It put the cover manager in a v difficult position and the department no good. The cover did some fab stuff and got it in the neck from returnee for changing things ( for the better - because we have all insisted the changes stayed!!!)

If you go away for a period of time, the job evolves, the company evolves and life starts to move on - give and take on both sides.

HannahHut · 10/11/2018 09:41

with my other colleagues it's not the case

So not only did you go to the big boss, you've also been talking to her behind her back with your colleagues. Nice.

redexpat · 10/11/2018 09:44

That would be frustrating for anyone. Bottom line is as others have said that she's the boss. Equally it must be tough for her to come back from a short maternity leave to find changes made, and the team happier with someone else who is still there.

Tip:
next time you want to introduce changes, make sure you put measures in place so you can document the effects. It's a lot less easy to dismiss when there is data to support.

BlueJava · 10/11/2018 09:48

I think you have to accept that she didn't feel your changes were beneficial and go back to your old role. If you try and get "your way" instigated it doesn't sound like you will get very far and it'll piss off your boss and the manager you spoke to.

You sound like you may have outgrown your old role. Why not use the experience gained during your step up to move on somewhere else?

ShastaBeast · 10/11/2018 09:57

“acknowledging the hierarchy“

Eurgh. Fucking hierarchy. Then you reveal it’s the civil service. Inefficiency and process for process sake. Loads of deadwood management promoted beyond their ability and sitting in roles for years and years because they can’t be got rid of. Leave! I did and there are many progressive employers who don’t enforce “acknowledging the hierarchy”. I’m encouraged to challenge management and change processes, I’m super efficient and hate being micro managed so it suits much better. Sadly the civil service way of grade trumps everything including logic, intelligence or even fact, has ground down my confidence so I often feel I need someone to “approve” my work before I send it out etc. I can also go straight to the top if someone is “pissing me off” in their words. They may not agree but it won’t held against me for doing so. Look for a modern company with a flattened structure which supports innovation. And quick before they destroy your confidence too. I’m actually looking for another job partly because I don’t have the self belief so need more support/input while they want to promote me even more in the next year or two.

Would your managers support you going for promotion internally anyway? I have heard making the jump to the private sector can be hard as businesses may have prejudices. I refrained so changed career direction. Being a civil servant is being a jack of all trades in my experience, I felt I had to find a proper “profession” instead. Go get your CV polished up and get job hunting.

tenorladybeaker · 10/11/2018 09:58

They aren't expecting you to "step back down" - any employer with half a brain would know that having done the job for 6 months at a higher level, you will now want to stay at that higher level. They will have expected that you would have spent the last couple of months of your temporary senior role in job hunting, and will have expected you to have handed in your notice having found a new more senior role elsewhere.

Given that you haven't done any of this they may be revising their estimation of you downwards somewhat.

People only settle happily for a return to their previous junior role after a senior secondment if they (a) were rubbish at it and/or (b) have no ambition.

MadameButterface · 10/11/2018 09:58

You sound hugely jealous but hey ho she’s probably used to that if she’s managing to hold down a senior role with two young children

Anyway, happy job hunting op, i do hope your manager writes you a glowing reference :)

TatianaLarina · 10/11/2018 10:16

Look for a modern company with a flattened structure which supports innovation.

Agreed.

Now you’ve done the role and proved you can handle it you should be applying for that role elsewhere. I’m surprised you haven’t done so already.

Your boss undid your changes as they made her look bad and she doesn’t want you threatening her job. It’s purely political.

CoughLaughFart · 10/11/2018 10:17

Anyone who still thinks references are a real issue is living in the past. A reference today is usually no more than confirmation of a job title and dates of employment.

bastardkitty · 10/11/2018 10:22

Behaving badly after a period of acting up is similar to throwing a tantrum in the workplace because you didn't get a promotion you went for. It shows immaturity and lack of judgement. The way to successfully complete your acting up/temporary promotion is to hand it back over with dignity and respect. That's the behaviour that would have defined you as worthy of promotion.

BrokenWing · 10/11/2018 11:03

Yes I was definitely one of them as I think you can get people to work better for you that way

If you have ambitions to progress into her role you can question her management decisions in private but you should be supporting her publicly. You have made an error in judgement and shown your unprofessionalism publicly by undermining your boss to your colleagues and it will be a big red flag to your bosses that while they considered you competent at your own role and gave you the opportunity to act up for a few months, you don't understand the basic implications of this.

If you do have ambitions I would chalk it up to experience and look for a sideways move or another job.

VenusInSpurs · 10/11/2018 12:09

“Ok thanks everyone I'm going to leave this here and look for another job”

Hopefully not working for me, unless you have actually learned something about team work out of all this alongside your good ideas.

TheCupboardUnderTheStairs · 10/11/2018 12:11

It sounds like you took the opportunity to change everything the minute she walked out the door, which wasn't your role. You were caretaking for 6 months. Had she not come back and you were selected to take her role then you can implement your changes.

But arguing, going to bigger bosses, involving the team is NOT management material. Are you really ready??

TatianaLarina · 10/11/2018 12:48

The responses on this thread are a very good example of why, sexism aside, women don’t get on as fast as they should in business. And also why the U.K. has such a reputation for bad management and low productivity.

It’s all about don’t question, don’t challenge, don’t rock the boat, be a good girl, just do as you’re told. Fuck efficient work practices, employee morale, forwarding thinking, what’s best for the workplace. It’s all about hierarchy, knowing your place and doing as you’re told.

On a male dominated forum the response would be very different.

One could say OP could have handled it better - it’s hard to tell - she hasn’t detailed precisely what she did and said and many posters have jumped to unsupported conclusions. But her complaint is valid.

Essentially OP has grown out of her current role and needs to apply for her boss’s level either internally or externally.

kaytee87 · 10/11/2018 12:54

On a male dominated forum the response would be very different.

Not sure why you're insinuating that men do things better than women.

TatianaLarina · 10/11/2018 13:02

Not sure why you're insinuating that men do things better than women.

😂

Never said anything of the sort. Some of the worst managers I have seen have been men. However men are more comfortable generally with questioning, challenging the status quo, thinking they should be promoted, paid more etc.

dontalltalkatonce · 10/11/2018 13:03

Learn some team building skills to take with you for your new job.

RiverTam · 10/11/2018 13:05

She’s not insinuating that. She’s saying men wouldn’t slap down a man for stepping into a role, making it their own and doing a good job, and then being pissed off to see their good work undone.

Woman, know thy place!

Biancadelriosback · 10/11/2018 13:27

But it's okay to tear down another woman who is a manager and try to use her maternity against her? This has nothing to do with sex. OP is female, her boss is female. If her boss was a man then she may have gotten different responses.

TatianaLarina · 10/11/2018 13:41

No-one is tearing anyone down.

It doesn’t matter why the boss was off. In her absence, OP improved some procedures and team morale, now boss is back she’s undone the good work and mangement doesn’t care.

Unfortunately I think you may be right that if the boss was male the responses would have been different. Posters identifying with the boss over ML are completely missing the point.