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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Mbhatescf123 · 09/11/2018 23:44

Right that last post was harsh, but on purpose and its the view from one way of looking at it. I will now post it from the other side as like i said in post it looks like, but that was all from the worst case scenario which is what ur boss will likely be viewing it as and I dont actually believe what i wrote and i will look at it from the view of a devoted employee of a company, implementing positive efficient changes and that approaching senior management was motivated by a desire to improve and help increase productivity for the overall good of the company.

Mbhatescf123 · 10/11/2018 00:50

The boss who returned was hardly going to admit that ops changes were better and I think that appearing to give ops way a go was to look reasonable and if it was part of a game plan was very savvy and devious as it makes it seem shes willing to put the company first and give other colleagues ideas a try and then when she inevitably says that old system works better she makes it seem that she is better at the role and was probably aware how op felt and that she may go to senior colleagues and had likely anticipated this and how it could be made to look and she was hardly going to agree changes were better as it would make her look less efficient than you at her job.

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 10/11/2018 08:05

I think you could be right, she seemed all happy at first to try out the changes and now she's just shut them down, like she had no intention of sticking with them

OP posts:
mimibunz · 10/11/2018 08:16

There’s a strong element of competition in play and I can’t imagine your boss accepting your changes because that would make you more “equal” than she wants you to be. The reality is that she’s the big fish in that pond, so if you want to be a big fish you should find another pond.

puzzledlady · 10/11/2018 08:17

Look OP. She’s your boss. She had a way of doing things before you - things she’s used to, you stepped in - helpfully, did the job for 6 months and changed what she presumably did for a long time. She came back, gave you the respect by trying your new way then reverted. You are now polling a group of people - against her. You basically think you can do a better job than her, and she is probably thinking you are trying to topple her from her position now with your ‘great new’ changes.

Ginseng1 · 10/11/2018 08:29

She's prob feeling a bit defensive OP. I wouldn't have gone running to her boss about it when she just back tho u might have brought it up in appraisal or something. Its frustrating for you to have to take a backwards step now with maybe little thanks appreciation. As others said maybe update your CV & use your experience to look for promotion or job elsewhere?

ItsAndTarts · 10/11/2018 08:33

God you sound like a right jumped up little 💩
I would say I'm glad I don't work with you but there is one in every team sadly

FritataPatate · 10/11/2018 08:41

Time to get a new job. Sounds like you're ready Wink.

VenusInSpurs · 10/11/2018 08:45

So you are undermining her team leader position from underneath, fighting her for the loyalty of the team, and complains about her to her manager.

Her manager is obviously happy with the way she does the job, so you may have misjudged that. And if you were to support her re-admission as leader that would actually show better leadership yourself and she would probably find it easier to work with you as a team and accept your constructive changes.

The way you are going about things is as a challenge and in competition with her.

BigChocFrenzy · 10/11/2018 08:50

Ganging up on your manager will likely get you a very poor report at your next appraisal
and you have probably annoyed her manager too.

You've messed in your current nest and you need to find a new one

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2018 08:52

if you were to support her re-admission as leader that would actually show better leadership yourself and she would probably find it easier to work with you as a team and accept your constructive changes

YY to this!

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 10/11/2018 08:53

It was a poor move to go to her manager, but the fact that he told you to wind your neck in should tell you something. Do you not think that if your changes were so brilliant he would have supported them?

Ohshitwhatnext · 10/11/2018 09:00

In my defence she did say to make any changes I wanted while she was away. She is now being snappy and not very nice when I point out that that's how we do it now.

I'm not surprised, that demonstrates an amazing lack of tact as you are criticising her and her methods and behaving as if it is your job not hers.

ScabbyBabby · 10/11/2018 09:02

If I were in your position I would take a step back emotionally, accept that you can't change the current situation (you've tried) and apply elsewhere with your management experience. While there I would be super polite and just get on with your job to the best of your ability. Try and have some empathy for the boss too.

From the way you've described yourself you sound like a good fit for the civil service. They love people who continuously seek to improve processes and that adapt to change well.

Nanna50 · 10/11/2018 09:04

Reading your posts I think she’s protecting herself and putting you back in your place. You made changes that you insist are better, you talk to your colleagues about her and have them agree with you that your way is best, and if that’s not enough you go to your boss? I don’t know what’s bigger, your ego or the knife in her back.

We have an admin manager who has been on maternity leave and when she returned she felt totally undermined by the person who had covered her role. You are telling anyone who will listen that you can do her job better than she can.

I also wondered if this was a reverse, simply by your lack of insight into the difficulties faced by a woman returning from maternity leave and your lack of support.

ButchyRestingFace · 10/11/2018 09:05

Looks like I'll have to find a new job as I can't watch someone do a job I know I can do better- the frustration will kill me!

Sounds like an idea.

Maybe she'll have a third child and not come back wink

Do you think it's likely they'd give you her role again after this?

Cauliflowersqueeze · 10/11/2018 09:05

She thinks her way is better and she’s in charge. That’s it.

Graphista · 10/11/2018 09:05

Wtf!!

You need to grown the fuck up! If you were my junior I'd be giving you a disciplinary!

Disrespectful, disruptive, divisive behaviour, appalling attitude, immature, incapable of willingly taking instruction or acknowledging the hierarchy.

What the hell do you think you're playing at?!

You'll be lucky to keep your current job.

You need to apologise to your boss, stop acting against her (and therefore indirectly the company) and wind your neck in!

Of course your colleagues may reluctantly seem to agree - they don't need the hassle of you getting in a huff with them and creating an even worse atmosphere which you absolutely sound capable of.

I'm not bloody surprised she's being "snappy".

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 10/11/2018 09:05

Yes she has been there for a long time and that's part of the problem she can't see any other way of doing things

OP posts:
florafaunaandotherthings1 · 10/11/2018 09:15

Strangely enough I'm actually in the civil service

OP posts:
Biancadelriosback · 10/11/2018 09:15

It sounds like your better out of there. You don't like your managers way of working. The fact you covered the role for 6 months doesn't really mean anything to anyone else, just you. She's obviously got a lot of experience under her belt whereas you don't. She has the job for a reason. You don't. Accept that she has skills and experience that you don't which is why she is in that role, and has been for a number of years, or move on.

Piccalillisnooze · 10/11/2018 09:16

You may be great at managing down, but you clearly have a lot to learn about managing up! To be a really great manager, you have to be able to attune to the politics, read what’s really being said to you (‘get off my turf’ in this instance), figure out how to diplomatically get people to do what you want.

Imagine how she’s describing you to her mates: ‘so how is back to work going, Mary?’ ‘Awful, I was only gone for six months, my mat leave blatantly wants my job, has changed how I do things, and now not only spends her time telling me how much better she was at my job and bitching about me to my team, she actually went to Hilary my line manager and complained about me!’

Literally the first thing a friend would say to her is, ‘OMG how awful you can NEVER give her a promotion as she will just stab you in the back.’ You’ve also demonstrated to her line manager that you can’t be constructive and professional in this situation.

Also while you are slagging her off in your team, don’t for a MINUTE think that she is not quite understandably going to be sharing her experience with her peers, likely to be other managers at the level above yours. I’ve lost count of the conversations I’ve had with colleagues coming back from mat-leave about the super-confident-or-arrogant generation below them who Know It All and who are Just So Much Better. We roll our eyes and remind ourselves that in five years time they’ll likely be the ones coming back from second maternity shaking with horror. It is a well known office Thing in our business, just as much as the super cocky assistant who’s previously done three weeks work experience and who Knows Everything, Disdains Admin and REALLY wants to tell everyone how amazing their dissertation was. Don’t be a cliche!!!

She might even have been in HR having a chat about how awful it is and how to manage it. And your team may think you’re brill but they can’t give you a promotion. It’s your boss, your boss’s boss and possibly HR! Whoops!

BigChocFrenzy · 10/11/2018 09:16

It doesn't matter if you & your mates think you did the job better.
Her boss doesn't agree

You've been undermining your boss - that goes badly in most organisations
You have probably just ruined your own career there

Find a job with another employer
Learn from this big mistake and don't be such a pain there as well

Gwenhwyfar · 10/11/2018 09:19

"I think you were a teeny bit cheeky to change how someone else's job is done."

This.
You don't get to make changes when you're just covering for someone's maternity leave. You're only looking after the job for someone else.

Graphista · 10/11/2018 09:20

You did this in a civil service job?! You need to find something outside the civil service ASAP cos basically your card will be well and truly marked now!

Silly silly thing to do