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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boss back from maternity leave, who is being unreasonable?

206 replies

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 20:54

Hi. I'm struggling to see who is being unreasonable here. My boss went on maternity leave for 6 months and has now returned. I stepped into her role while she was away and have now returned to my old role. It's an admin/ co-ordination role without going into too much detail. While she was away I made some changes which made everything run more smoothly. She has now returned and after trying the changes for a while she is returning to how she did it before. I am finding it very frustrating as I know the other way was better. I approached our boss but he just said that I'd done a good job and my colleague would keep any changes if they were worth keeping. Hes not really been any help. I'm so frustrated but I don't know what to do!

OP posts:

CJsGoldfish · 09/11/2018 21:39

You did the job as you deemed best while she was away. She's tried your way and prefers her own. That's ok because it is actually HER POSITION and she can do it as she deems best.

I cannot believe you went to her boss over this. That was completely unreasonable and I totally understand why she's snappy with you.
It's quite likely you've burned your bridges at that workplace due to that behaviour alone so perhaps look for a new job where you can put your newly aquired skills to good use.

Original poster

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 21:40

Its just so frustrating as earlier in the year the whole team was so much happier now everyone is miserable

OP posts:

SleepySofa · 09/11/2018 21:40

She is now being snappy and not very nice when I point out that that's how we do it now.

If that’s how you phrased it to her, I’m not surprised she’s being snappy!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 09/11/2018 21:41

She is now being snappy and not very nice when I point out that that's how we do it now.

How rude and arrogant of you, OP. It is her job and she’s the boss; she can have things however she wants them and you have to suck it up (and should do so quietly).

MissionItsPossible · 09/11/2018 21:44

That was not very nice behaviour... from YOU! Your OP was enough to make me think YABU but to say “that’s how we do it now” to your boss? No wonder she was snapping at you I would have too after that utterly rude remark. YABVU

Schuyler · 09/11/2018 21:45

Is this a reverse?

Cherries101 · 09/11/2018 21:49

If it’s an admin role and the person you’re supporting doesn’t care that she’s not using your changes, then my guess is your changes didn’t add value.

Cynara · 09/11/2018 21:50

You told her that's how we do it now??!! I rescind my previous advice. How incredibly undiplomatic. You have quite likely burned your boats here. Can you really not see how this looks to your boss/her boss? It's probably time for you to consider your future options in order for you to progress as you wish, and also (and most definitely) your professional interpersonal skills.

Original poster

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 21:53

I don't know what a reverse is- is that when you pretend to be the other party? If so, no it's not.
It's clear I'm not going to have anyone agree with me here, in real life and with my other colleagues it's not the case. Looks like I'll have to find a new job as I can't watch someone do a job I know I can do better- the frustration will kill me!
Maybe she'll have a third child and not come back

OP posts:

RebelWitchFace · 09/11/2018 21:53

Do the changes actually affect your work/performance?

EveryCarIsAPplCarrier · 09/11/2018 21:53

This has to be a reverse- you can’t possibly be that ignorant @OP

happypoobum · 09/11/2018 21:54

She is now being snappy and not very nice when I point out that that's how we do it now.

Yeah - so would I be. Diplomacy is obviously not your strong point OP.

RebelWitchFace · 09/11/2018 21:54

Do the changes actually affect your work/performance?

RebelWitchFace · 09/11/2018 21:55

Wow cross posted. I can definitely see why she's being snippy.

Jaxtellerswife · 09/11/2018 21:55

Seems like someone's become a wee bit big for their boots while the boss is away!
I don't blame her for snapping. At all.
Perhaps you didn't understand the terms of 'maternity cover'...

LittleBookofCalm · 09/11/2018 21:56

Grow up a bit op, accept she is back and stop stirring.
i bet you are stirring at work as well.

If people are miserable dont encourage misery.

EveryCarIsAPplCarrier · 09/11/2018 21:57

@florafaunaandotherthings1

I doubt you’ll get any support on here. I can’t yhink of anything worse than having someone “step up” into my job for 6 months then try to lecture me on how to do it. It’s frankly none of your business and if you aren’t happy get a new job and leave this poor person alone to do theirs!

Jb291 · 09/11/2018 21:59

Sounds like you've outgrown your original role OP. Time to start job hunting for another role which would complement your experience in acting up in your boss absence. It must be very frustrating but ultimately nothing you can do about this. I would want to find a new role / promotion as soon as possible if I were in your shoes.

LittleBookofCalm · 09/11/2018 22:01

not so rare, an ex colleague left her job as when she came back to her old job the person doing it made her life very difficult, pretty much like the op i imagine.
step back op.

sevenwallflowers · 09/11/2018 22:01

I'm glad I don't work with you 🙄

Dragonbait · 09/11/2018 22:04

Wow it's people like you who make it so difficult for women to have a career and a family. Trying to steal a job and getting other staff to gang up on the original post holder. I hope karma comes and bites you when its your turn. It is really hard coming back off maternity leave as it is without nasty jealous backbiting colleagues. I genuinely feel for your colleague. What a thoroughly unpleasant staff member you are. One things for sure if she does have another child she won't want you covering again!

OrdinarySnowflake · 09/11/2018 22:04

This is why it's often a disaster to just cover maternity leave internally - you have done the higher job for 6 months, felt you did it well, but are struggling with the step back down.

There's a lot of effort put in by HR departments for helping woman who've gone on mat leave to return back to their old role, but there's little support or either thought for people like the OP who has to step back into an old role after having a 'taste' of a promotion.

IME, most people in your situation OP tend to leave, or apply for sidewides promotions. Managers do need to think that the person they promote to cover a mat leave will probably go within a year of their boss returning, unless the company can find a promotion for them, so to be careful about not putting anyone in that position they really want to keep.

CJsGoldfish · 09/11/2018 22:05

It's clear I'm not going to have anyone agree with me here, in real life and with my other colleagues it's not the case

Seeing how you 'listen' to advice, I can see you'd be someone people figure it's easier to agree with. We all know 'those' kinds of people so I'm not sure you saying the 'everyone else' agrees with you is a true reflection of the situation. Someone who goes to the boss over something like this probably isn't someone who is aware of others

Honeyroar · 09/11/2018 22:06

You've got to get over it. She's the boss, your stint as boss has finished. The more you keep interfering the worse the atmosphere will be. Just get on with what you should be doing and it will all calm down.

Original poster

florafaunaandotherthings1 · 09/11/2018 22:06

Im starting to wish i never took the role

OP posts:

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