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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
petbear · 11/11/2018 00:45

Dump him. He's not into you. He would make more effort to get you, or at least pay for your cab!

tharsheblows · 11/11/2018 00:56

I have never expected to be picked up at the airport even when I was traveling in my own with two little children. I find it the wailing and gnashing of teeth a little overwrought, is there a drip feed in there that I missed like you need physical help through the airport?

Sethis · 11/11/2018 01:54

It's pretty tragic that people are saying "End your relationship if he doesn't meet you at the airport because obviously that means he doesn't care about you at all and doesn't even want to see you".

By all means, end a decent long term relationship because you can't have one particular princess moment that you see in all the romcom films. Pathetic. Plenty of people manage to survive somewhat more serious problems in their relationships than this trivial nonsense.

I suppose he'd be equally able to dump her if she got take out instead of making him a home cooked meal on their anniversary because "A real loving girlfriend would spend two hours cooking him a meal to show she cared". Get a grip.

Tatiannatomasina · 11/11/2018 02:02

I know its not the same but I live in Australia and my family is UK based. Everytime they visit us we make the 6 hour round trip to pick them up and then drop them off. I would not dream of saying catch the bus. The parking is expensive at the airport but we do it as we love them and what's money without family. We went to the uk and were picked up with the family member making the 4 hour round trip at either end of the visit. I have to say I think its laziness pure and simple. I have been to NY 5 times, its not impossible for him to be there for you, I would be asking why he was making it an issue.

MrWolfknowsthetime · 11/11/2018 02:09

I think you do have to factor in the NYC traffic issues. It’s really not like anywhere else.

Unicyclethief · 11/11/2018 04:30

If the OP’s boyfriend lived 3 hours away from the airport in rural Australia, then of course he should pick her up, however he lives in NYC, where Ubers will cost less than parking/tolls. It is a shit comparison really isn’t it?

mirialis · 11/11/2018 05:27

I've argued until I'm blue in the face I'm fine and every time he completely ignores you and overrides your wishes, so not sure why you think you're best placed to tell the OP to dump her partner because he asked if she would mind getting a cab but said he would pick her up if she did.

AnyFucker · 11/11/2018 05:54

This would not bother me.

kmc1111 · 11/11/2018 06:31

I don’t see the problem. NYC airports are unpleasant to drive to and park at. It’s so much nicer to just hop in an Uber and greet each other at home relaxed and happy.

I guess I’m an outlier since I hate being picked up from the airport. No one ever times it right, so either I feel bad because they’ve been waiting or I get off my flight and have to sit back down and wait. Then there’s the long trudge to the parking area, during which I get to hear about the awful traffic. Ugh. So much better to just walk out and get in an Uber.

Sisgal · 11/11/2018 06:47

I think you should just get a taxi. I don't like going to the airport even when I am the one going on holiday! Let's face it, the traffic IS a nightmare as is the parking. DON'T end your relationship over this, just cos he can't be arsed meeting you at the airport, does not mean he is disrespecting you, or doesn't care about you or doesn't love you etc, just means he's a human being like the rest of us and can't be arsed with shitty traffic.

Soggiemoggie · 11/11/2018 06:52

As a minimum he should meet you at the airport - doesn't matter if he drives/taxis/walks there! Sorry OP this doesn't bode well for the futureFlowers

HowTheHellDoIHandleThis · 11/11/2018 07:46

If the rest of yoir relationship is good and you’re happy with him, I wouldn’t ruin it all over this. Dh and I only met 6 years ago and I could imagine him saying this to me; it’s not a ‘sign’ of anything.

PerverseConverse · 11/11/2018 08:34

when they don't make the effort to meet you it feels like you're not worth the effort which grates especially when you're travelling hours to see them. Although if he's planned lots of good things then it sounds like he does care about you coming over and wants to make it special. It's lovely to be met at the airport and gives the impression they can't wait to see you. He could get the train or can to the airport to meet you easily unless maybe he can't get away from work to do so?

I've been in a similar position where I lived 4 hour train and bus ride away from my boyfriend. The few times he came here I got either a lift off a friend to meet him at the station or got the bus as I don't drive and neither did he. My train station is half an hour away by bus. The station near to him is 10 mins leisurely walk. The first few times he met me at the station and we walked back to his together then he started saying he couldn't meet me as he needed a shower after work. When I objected he said I was the one who wanted him to wash him hair (yes I know wtf was I doing with him) and therefore I could either have him meet me or have him with clean hair. What annoyed me most is one the days I wasn't there he'd be home around 4pm from work yet when I went down there he'd say he had to work until 5 and therefore hadn't time to have a shower before meeting me. He was supposed to work until 5 every day but used to leave early so he could play on his xbox. He was totally addicted as I discovered. The lack of effort killed it in the end. He gave me a beautiful son though so I have no regrets on the relationship. He's seen his son once in nearly 4 years though and has no interest in him whatsoever. Too lazy to make any effort. I took my soon down to see him when he was 1. No contact since.

Be wary of anything you deem lack of interest and/or effort as instincts are usually right.

I hope you have a great time in New York whatever happens at the airport!

Butteredghost · 11/11/2018 08:41

Hmm, not sure about this one OP. I wouldn't usually meet people at the airport unless they were very elderly or something. It's just so difficult to drive to and park at the airport, and so easy to get a cab.

I've also never been dropped off at or picked up from the airport myself. So I think a lot of people feel the same. I went away for a five week trip last year, my husband was reluctant to even drop me at the station, let alone go all the way to the airport!

lazymare · 11/11/2018 08:42

Never once has my partner not either met me at the airport or sent a family member/member of staff to pick me up.

A member of staff ... how romantic.

Butteredghost · 11/11/2018 08:46

Actually once I did get picked up from the airport, and it was a massive hassle! They didn't come on time, then ages to walk to the car, then our bags didnt fit in the car (it was a group of us getting picked up). I was wishing we just jumped in cabs.

There's also a problem if your plane is delayed, or you delayed going through customs, you can't contact them them and they end up waiting at the airport for ages.

You are both stressed then. Get a cab and have him at home tidying, preparing a lovely dinner and lighting some candles.

swingofthings · 11/11/2018 08:52

I remem ercwhen my OH drove 2 hours to pick me up at the airport saving me a lot hassle with buses and trains. We were 4 months into our relationship! Never happened again not even 1 hour away! I still married him and very happily so!

dogwoofbark · 11/11/2018 09:00

Lol at you and the others expecting someone to pick you up at JFK.

I wouldn't consider picking the fucking Queen or my Sainted Father up from JFK in a car. Some of you have clearly never been there. It's like Heathrow on a bad day times 1000.

dogwoofbark · 11/11/2018 09:02

It's not about the length of driving as some are saying. I drive a 12 round trip to pick up friends and family when they come to stay here.

It's driving in that insane clusterfuck at JFK.

PerverseConverse · 11/11/2018 09:06

He doesn't have to drive though does he. He could get the train or a cab.

SushiMonster · 11/11/2018 09:10

I was in a LDR and didn’t always get picked up from the airport, better for then DP to be maximising his work time whilst I was in transit so we could have a relatively clear weekend/holiday.

However I certainly was met at the airport the first time in any new location.

SushiMonster · 11/11/2018 09:11

Lol at you and the others expecting someone to pick you up at JFK

At JFK then DP got the train out to meet me and he took my case and we got the train back as train was easier then cab to his apartment.

You don’t have to drive to meet someone.

Train or cab there, train or cab home.

Whisky2014 · 11/11/2018 09:13

I would have no problem coming out of arrivals and hopping in a cab. I dont see the problem! This all seems a bit precious to me

Noviceoftheweek · 11/11/2018 09:15

As a fairly regular traveller to NY, I can vouch for the traffic. Frankly, if you’re going to raise so much fuss over this after he has gone to the trouble of planning your visit, he may well decide the relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. And based on what I have read I can’t say I would blame him.

AtSea1979 · 11/11/2018 09:16

Sorry I think YABU. It is so much easier to get a cab. I don’t understand all these people who do crazy round trips when people can just go one way in a cab or train.
You haven’t seen him for a few weeks so what difference does another half hour in a taxi make? I’d much rather meet my bf at him home, relaxed with a drink in his hand ready for me. Than in his car, stressed, sitting in silence whilst he navigates through crazy traffic. I think you’ve been watching too many rom coms.