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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
pollymere · 10/11/2018 17:52

I would've said yes...BUT last summer I went to NY, due to be picked up etc. It was a nightmare to the point it was easier to get the subway and meet where we were staying as when I finally managed to get a signal, he was still an hour away. It's also horrible to meet people in etc. Get the subway or a bus (or a cab!) And meet somewhere less stressful.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/11/2018 17:59

Airport parking can be a nightmare, in fairness to him. It actually makes sense to me.

However, I would expect a proper welcome when I arrived. Anything less and I’d think he wasn’t bothered. And he should definitely be arranging and paying for the taxi.

FrumpyTrumpy · 10/11/2018 18:09

Tell him 9 hours on a flight is almost as annoying as trying to park in NY and to stop being a twat.

FrumpyTrumpy · 10/11/2018 18:10

Especially when you're going to see him after he moved.

Lollee · 10/11/2018 18:12

I would be kicking him into touch. He should be chomping at the bit to see you and would be if he truly loved you. Has he offered to pay? I was married to a sailor back in the day and we would have moved heaven and earth to get to each other even 10 minutes earlier. I always met the ship and just to see his face (and he mine) after months apart, running down the gangplank with kit bag was the greatest joy I have ever known.

FrumpyTrumpy · 10/11/2018 18:16

In fact when we were long distance DH always drove an hour away to collect me even though there was a direct cheap easy bus and I always took a train to meet him (also an hour away) just so he wasn't alone on the train. It's just such a crappy thing to do even if it might be more practical, it's just not nice. And it's no problem for him to take a taxi to you if parking is annoying.

AnnaMagnani · 10/11/2018 18:16

DH and I did 3 years long distance. He only met me the first time to show me the way to get to his flat on public transport Sad

I was a bit put out at the time but we did still get married half way through so it wasn't all bad Smile He had a point, it was a 45 minute slog out for him plus however long waiting for me to turn up.

At JFK, with the traffic as well, cab is the best option.

FrumpyTrumpy · 10/11/2018 18:16

I always took a train to meet him (also an hour away) just so he wasn't alone on the train

  • when he came to me. I didn't have a car.
Troels · 10/11/2018 18:26

What a dick. We used to always meet and return frends and family to the airport in San Francisco, I'd park and pay for it and drive home through horrendous stop start commuter traffic, 4 lanes in each direction getting up to 30mph if I was luckily.

ElfID · 10/11/2018 18:31

I'm sorry, but I think YABU.

You are a grown up woman and you don't need a rom com fantasy airport scene.

You can get a taxi into the city. Reframe it! Enjoy it! Brush your teeth in the public loo, spruce yourself up in the back of the cab. You're going to see your lover. Keep the boring/stressful/annoying bits out of it.

19lottie82 · 10/11/2018 18:40

Traffic is mental, yes. I’ve been to NYC three times. First time I got a cab into Manhattan, never EVER again. Over 1.5 hours of stop start traffic (I think it was about 830 pm when we left JFK), absolutely horrendous.

The last 2 times I’ve got the sky train out of the airport then jumped on the subway. It’s a total breeze.

I don’t blame your BF for not wanting to drive to pick you up, but surely he could get the train to meet you and then you could both get the train back?

mirialis · 10/11/2018 18:42

London to NYC is not a 9-hour flight! I've had flights of 6 hours before on that journey. But that's by the by...

It's quite obvious that we all have different feelings on this, so there is no "right" answer, only what is "right" for the OP and her partner. I'd be a bit Hmm if my DH wanted me to come and get him when I'm telling him the $30 cab journey is the least stressful solution all-round and he was sulking about it rather than trusting me to be honest, but then that's our relationship, not the OP's.

If he was putting his foot down and saying he wouldn't do it no matter what, I'd be seriously questioning the relationship. He has said he'd do it even though he'd prefer not to, so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt (honestly, first reunions in the privacy of your apartment/hotel room are a LOT more exciting than at the airport followed by nightmare journey home).

OP, if you're still reading, you must have been face timing/skyping every day - have you had any hints that he's not over-the-moon at the prospect of your visit? Because this seems like a little storm in a teacup to me otherwise, and like you're just feeling a bit insecure (which is understandable - it's tough sometimes when the other person is away in a "fun" location and you're just getting on with the same-old, same-old).

ToftyAC · 10/11/2018 18:46

In your position I’d be well pissed off. If my OH couldn’t be arsed to come meet me at the airport I don’t think I’d bother going tbh.

EK36 · 10/11/2018 18:47

He doesn't seem bothered to see you. Sorry OP.

lazymare · 10/11/2018 19:26

I'd be a bit if my DH wanted me to come and get him when I'm telling him the $30 cab journey is the least stressful solution all-round and he was sulking about it rather than trusting me to be honest, but then that's our relationship, not the OP's.

This.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 10/11/2018 19:28

You made the effort for him, he should return the effort when you go to see him. I don't think those excuses are really valid.
I'd be questioning things and his interest, as he sounds not that bothered, sorry OP!

lazymare · 10/11/2018 19:29

don’t think I’d bother going tbh.

Crikey you sound hard work.

Teacher22 · 10/11/2018 20:33

Get a taxi. It is easy and cheap to get a taxi from the airport and an absolute nightmare to do a pickup. Your BF loves you and you will have a much nicer time if he is not a nervous wreck picking you up when ther is no need.

Teacher22 · 10/11/2018 20:33

There, not ther. Doh!

smilingontheinside · 10/11/2018 20:44

I agree with poster who said anywhere else but NYC. The traffic is aweful and I would rather get a cab or train than be picked up by a grumpy DP who had been sitting in traffic then trying to find parking then sitting in traffic on the way back. Nicer to get to his home with him waiting on the pavement with big grin and a big drink oh and maybe a gift (or 2) Wink

mikulkin · 10/11/2018 21:40

I wouldn’t over dramatise but insist on being met up at the airport. When my DP and I were in LDR we had similar conversation when I had once early morning arrival and I just said that for me it is important to be met up at the airport and I don’t like arriving from long haul flight and not seeing his face in the visitors hall. He wasn’t particularly convinced but he came and picked me up every time. I showed him this thread now and reminded of our situation and his answer was: “ did we really have this conversation? The only thing I remember is always picking you up”.
moral of the story, it is not important in grand scheme of things but if you don’t insist may leave bad taste in your mouth.

boredretiree · 10/11/2018 21:57

It matters to you but not him. Can you cope with that? Does he normally meet your emotional needs? Are you attaching too much importance to it. We are all different. What is ok for one may not be for another.

Littlefeather · 10/11/2018 21:57

You haven’t said what time/day of the week you’re arriving. Honestly, JFK parkway is a hideous stretch of road. I get your point and would normally expect an airport meet, but not if he’s in the city and you’re landing at JFK. Unless it’s at 1pm on a Sunday maybe.

Den1se · 10/11/2018 22:52

Dump him.

itsjustnotrightthough · 11/11/2018 00:41

Sorry OP but can only agree with those who say dump - I've been in a long distance relationship for 8+ years now. Never once has my partner not either met me at the airport or sent a family member/member of staff to pick me up. I travel to his country 3+ times a year as he's a business man and it' far easier for me to go to him.

It's an horrendous airport. It would be so easy for me to hop on the public bus 1min across the road from arrivals - I've argued until I'm blue in the face I'm fine - I'll get the bus it's so easy!! Every time there is someone waiting for me - I'm sorry but those saying it's a busy airport etc - IF he's into you, he'll either be there to meet you or arrange for someone else to.