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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long Distance relationship- AIBU to expect to be picked up from the airport?

324 replies

ClassicSuspect · 09/11/2018 14:46

As the title says- I'm (32) in a LDR with my boyfriend (36) of 3 years. I am based in London and he has gone to New York for work for a 6 month contract. We are halfway through the 6 months (he left in August) and spent a week together about a month ago when he came back to visit for his friends wedding, which we both attended.

I am due to fly over there in 2 weeks time and am really excited about it. However, he's asked if I would mind getting a cab to his from the airport to save him coming to get me as 'it's a pain to get to'. It's about a 25-30 minute drive (he has a car).

Am I in my rights to be a bit put out by this considering the journey I would have made to get over there, that he can't even be arsed to meet me at the airport? He said I'm being awkward and it is 'so easy' to get a taxi that it wouldn't make any difference to me and saves him sitting in traffic and trying to park.

When he visited I picked him up (at 6am) and dropped him off back at the airport, and I wanted to do that.

AIBU expecting this?

OP posts:
lazymare · 09/11/2018 19:02

Just woman up and get a cab.

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/11/2018 19:10

YANBU.

I used to travel to NY for work regularly when we lived in London, and DH always drove to HR to pick me up.

We were just happy to be reunited, and this was only after a week apart. So much nicer to be sitting in the front seat with him, than in the back seat of a cab with a random.

The thing is - either he wants to do it, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, then I'd rather get cab. But I'd be seriously bummed out to be with the type of man who didn't actively want to do it.

VenusInSpurs · 09/11/2018 19:21

Drives me mad that relatives from the U.S just can’t get it that the trip to any London airport is more than a 4 hour round trip to our London address, because of traffic.

I meet them at the station, and do the same when travelling to meet them.

cooldarkroom · 09/11/2018 20:21

In NYC you just pick up a cab, You are not a New Yorker, but being needy & putting pressure on rather than being autonomous in a city where women are equals will not show you in your best light

tealady · 09/11/2018 20:38

Normally I would totally agree that he should meet you. But for JFK it is NOT worth the agony of the horrible horrible traffic.

buckeejit · 09/11/2018 20:50

I would be stressed about awful traffic, parking, finding each other & that's not an atmosphere that I'd like to reunite in. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt if there's no other issues, especially if it's not an airport that you've driven to/from so don't know how bad it can be. Some people are better at driving in that sort kd environment than others. Hope you get it sorted ok

Unicyclethief · 09/11/2018 20:53

I’m in NY. I stopped picking people up from the airport due to traffic, parking and tolls. Uber in NY is so cheap I think everyone does that now.

Unicyclethief · 09/11/2018 21:02

in a city where women are equals 😂 are you sure?

Nitpickpicnic · 09/11/2018 21:27

Adding my voice to those who’d happily taxi to his place. And I wouldn’t be saddened if he was the one to suggest it. Sounds efficient.

But I’d expect he was spending the saved time making me a lovely meal, or setting up his house after his workday to make things nice for me. If I turned up by cab and he was slouching around watching Netflix, or had used the time to go for a quick drink with friends I’m sure I’d be a little Hmm.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 10/11/2018 06:06

bellabonkers is on to it - cab this time and see what traffic is like and go from there. We gave drop/pick up zones here, can't imagine having to park and actually get out of the car to go and meet someone Grin

Madeline88 · 10/11/2018 06:12

New York traffic is mental. Getting a cab is easier.

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 10/11/2018 06:26

As others have said, JFK is mental for traffic. Can't imagine it's easy to find parking either. Getting a cab is easy. They line up waiting and there is a person who asks how many of you are travelling, then takes walks you to the cab.

Maybe he's nervous of driving to JFK? He's not been living there long and driving in NYC looks horrible. I'd be scared tbh!

Get a cab. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, don't over think it and give him the benefit of the doubt.

borntobequiet · 10/11/2018 06:35

Mad to drive to airport in NY if not necessary. Easy to get a cab. Get a cab.

Birdie6 · 10/11/2018 06:39

I was long distance for a year. When I flew to see him he was standing there with a bunch of red roses. He'd driven for an hour through bad traffic too.

If this guy can't be bothered to drive or get a cab to meet you , it would be a big red flag for me. After six months he should be mad to sweep you into his arms at the airport......not waiting comfortably at home for you to arrive.

Kewqueue · 10/11/2018 06:44

In his shoes I would suggest you get a cab too. It's just part if the journey and it's much easier. Don't read too much into it.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 10/11/2018 06:47

I'm on the side of getting a cab. He can be at home preparing a lovely romantic welcome for you.

It's lovely to be greeted at the airport but parking etc. really can be a pain.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/11/2018 06:49

Birdie6 the OP saw him for a week a month ago.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 10/11/2018 06:50

When I first read you post OP I thought that you WNBU (my partner is Australian and I frequently pick her and various visiting members of her family up from Heathrow, where the traffic on the M25 can be appalling)

But having read the whole thread, and the reports of the awful traffic at JFK but mostly what you said regarding your boyfriend having done a lot of work preparing for the trip; planning an itinerary and researching restaurants etc. for your trip - my feeling has changed.

I would graciously agree to getting the cab this time, and just see how your time there goes and what he’s like when you’re with him. It’s possible his not coming to get you is reflective of a cooling in feelings towards you but equally, as others have said, he might just be being practical.

You’ll be able to read the situation better once you’re there.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 10/11/2018 06:50

Is there a train to the airport? He could meet you in that to save parking etc.

claraschu · 10/11/2018 06:55

Depending on the time of day, I would't dream of getting a cab at JFK either. Take the train. Where does he live that is half an hour from JFK? If he is in Manhattan, it might conceivably be half an hour without traffic, but with traffic, it can be hours. Also he would lose his parking spot in the city, which can cause a huge pain.
Driving to Heathrow at 6 am is like a walk in the park compared to JFK.

ILoveAutum · 10/11/2018 06:57

Birdie it’s 6 WEEKS since they last saw each other.

Unless your bloke was in NY you simply cannot compare the drive, you just can’t.

Nor is it anything like comparable to Heathrow. It makes Heathrow look like a barn in a field without the occasional tractor.

fruityb · 10/11/2018 07:03

I was in a LDR after uni and I’d never do it again (though I’m happily married now so don’t need to think about it really...) He was a selfish arsehole who wouldn’t even come to Kings cross to meet me when I’d never done the underground before and was really anxious about it. I can merrily hop on and off anywhere now but back then I was terrified. He eventually relented when i paid him the money over for his ticket. I always went down south to meet him - I lived in Yorkshire at the time - and the furthest he travelled, twice in the three years we did this, was about halfway between. One time he didn’t arrive till half two in the afternoon, was stinking hungover and we ended up going to bed early in the hotel I paid for as his best mate couldn’t meet us so he didn’t want to go out.

The straw that broke the camels back was when I’d travelled down after work so didn’t arrive at his town till 10 and he met me eating fried chicken pissed up.

Phew, that felt good!

TL;DR LDRs need more effort than that. I’d expect him to do it - even if it was only the once and then next visits I’d get a cab.

NoseTitZilla · 10/11/2018 07:03

I'm trying to work on not getting annoyed until after the fact. How do you know he doesn't have a massive surprise planned? You have voiced your opinion and from your updates it seems he's not usually like this so I'd be inclined to let it go for now.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 10/11/2018 07:04

American companies often don’t give their staff much leave. Could this be a factor?

NoseTitZilla · 10/11/2018 07:09

That being said my longest distance in a relationship was across London and he always came to meet me at the station which was a 20 minute walk away and he'd do it in sunshine or rain. There were a couple of times he moaned a bit but I did say I wasn't happy to do the walk alone of a winter evening so I do understand but I think this one time you might need to think about the entire relationship rather than this once before thinking and reacting extremely.