Daughters c section & MIL

[Ohmyohmyohmyohmy]

My daughter had a c section on Tuesday. She had an emergency so quite traumatic for her.
I was waiting for her in the side room, her DP was in with her, and saw her after she had been sewn up. All went well. She wanted me to stay at the hospital. She came home yesterday to find MIL waiting outside in her car. She’d been asked to wait until contacted to visit. They wanted to get settled in. I got a very upset phone call asking me to come round. When I got there MIL was arguing with DDP. He was angry that she had turned up unannounced, she was angry I’d been at the hospital and seen baby first.
My daughter has come home with me and baby, DDP is joining us this evening. She wants to stay here, with her DP and baby. It’s no problem, I have plenty of room.
What’s bothering me is she does not want contact with MIL, but I have MIL constantly texting and trying to call me, demanding to see her grandchild.
AIBU to block her number and ignore her? To me my daughters feelings come first right now, we can sort MIL out in a few days.

Thank you all for the support you have given me.
Some people’s opinions have been very enlightening.

Thank you. batteries,

You sound like a lovely mum OP x

When she’s ready, maybe have a quiet word and advise her to talk to her dp and agree on a few ground rules. My ex mil used to take the piss, drop round whenever- with friends sometimes, tell me (and her friends) I was doing things wrong, then (still happens) she re-dresses the kids into different outfits that suits her.

I have anxiety and it felt like I was being told I wasn’t good enough as a mother, when in reality it just wasn’t what she wanted.

If your daughter has anxiety then I would make sure mil knows the ground rules. I ended up getting so angry I told ex mil that if she wanted to control another child to bugger off and have another one of her own. DD should start as she means to go on.

Glad to hear that she is feeling better.

MIL phoned me every single week demanding how many times mum had seen dd that week and for exactly how long. They both lived about 20 minutes away by car, both babysat when I went back to work and I tried to keep it as even as possible. It was quite clear that mil didn't believe a word of it. Sometimes, I wish I'd just divorced.

Bananasarethesourceofevil

Omg really, change the clothes to suit her? That is awful, no wonder you felt like you did. I am sure you’re a wonderful mum. Her anxiety is high at the moment, things like is the nappy right, should I put a cardi on, is the bottle warm enough, has he eaten enough. I worry that she will start to overthink things and then comes the downward spiral. She’s asleep now and baby is sleeping too.

OP, why are you more important than DP's own DM? I may be in the minority here but I loved my MIL. The fact you, yourself, are there when she's allowed to show up - I'm not Surprised she's annoyed 😳

RTFT mini

Mini cooper lover

Read the entire thread. I was not there.

Honestly you come late to the show and don’t even bother to read the thread then post some ridiculous comment 🙄

Difficult one, can see both sides. Can understand why your DD would want her Mum and not MIL after such a trauma, and I hope she is doing well. But unless your DD has banned you from seeing the baby til she feels better, she can hardly ban the other grandmother on those grounds

RockingMyFiftiesNot

Try reading the OP's posts again.

MIL was NOT banned. Her own son had asked for a couple of hours to settle his partner and baby in before MIL came round. And MIL couldn't even stick to that small request.

Ah ok apologies, wasn't how I read it

Did you actually read the opening post? Or did you get bored and just make it up , Rocking?

I did read the whole OP and can still see both sides

The number of people thinking they need to weigh in on the daughter's (and her partner's you would assume) behaviour is ridiculous.
Whether or not they might have been acting unreasonably has absolutely nothing to do with the OP. She asked what she should do. What she should obviously do and has done is to respect the wishes of the new parents, not stir up trouble and be there for those who want and need her most.

Good for you OP. You're a great mum.

My mum is like you. When I had my first and had to be transferred by ambulance my mum was beside herself for worry for the both of us, but her main concern was me! I know now that that's the way I would feel about my own DD.

With my second, my DM has watched me go through MH issues, another hospital stay and been there to support me first and my family second.

I do wonder if the women on here who had people to visit 'within minutes/hours' after giving birth have actually forgotten what its like and that every woman is different. I know that given the circumstances of me arriving home feeling as uncomfortable as she did, I would have also liked a bit of time to sort myself out and at least have a wash in my own house. The comments on here have been awful towards OP and OP DD when in fact the only thing the OP has done is look after her own baby.

I think you sound wonderful OP. Well done for being a great DM to your DD.

So you are allowed to be at the hospital. And see them at home. But the other grandparents aren't? Why is this?

I can really understand why we have such high PND rates in the UK. The lack of respect for post partum women demonstrated by those crapping on about the equal rights of the paternal grandparents is depressing.

I think we were lucky in that we live away from both of our parents so had 48hours before anyone arrived except a few visits at hospital from friends we had invited. My in laws were great, checked to see when my mum was leaving before booking their flights. Everyone did stay with us though which seems to be a mumsnet no no but it was great and didn’t affect us bonding as a family at all.

And neither set of parents took offence that some of our friends met their grandchild first!

READ. THE. FUCKING. THREAD.

Unicycle et al.

Ohmyohmyohmyohmy, I'm reading through the posts and nodding here as my mum would have acted the same way in your shoes and put her DD first.
I had a c-section too and my baby was in icu, it does add to a sea of emotions that come flooding in after birth.
I'm pleased that the situation is being sorted out. You sound such a lovely mum, congratulations 

I READ THE FUCKING THREAD. MY QUESTIONS STILL STAND. Nodnol

OP, I hope your dd wakes up feeling better.

I'm a bit shocked at people defending the MIL, surely any woman who has given birth should know how fragile a new mother is? The most important thing for mother and baby is to feel safe and cherished.

I'm a bit shocked at people defending the MIL, surely any woman who has given birth should know how fragile a new mother is?

It was only on a later update did we all find out the MIL has form for this bad behaviour. I could see MIL's side of things initially (not saying I agree with her view / actions) as it sounded like a one off but the background changed that view.

I would text the mil and say ‘please can you help me support DD. The surgery has been incredibly traumatic for DD. I’ve been helping with washing DD, loo visits and domestic chores but I’m very worried. Physically and mentally it’s been a massive thing for her’