Daughters c section & MIL

[Ohmyohmyohmyohmy]

My daughter had a c section on Tuesday. She had an emergency so quite traumatic for her.
I was waiting for her in the side room, her DP was in with her, and saw her after she had been sewn up. All went well. She wanted me to stay at the hospital. She came home yesterday to find MIL waiting outside in her car. She’d been asked to wait until contacted to visit. They wanted to get settled in. I got a very upset phone call asking me to come round. When I got there MIL was arguing with DDP. He was angry that she had turned up unannounced, she was angry I’d been at the hospital and seen baby first.
My daughter has come home with me and baby, DDP is joining us this evening. She wants to stay here, with her DP and baby. It’s no problem, I have plenty of room.
What’s bothering me is she does not want contact with MIL, but I have MIL constantly texting and trying to call me, demanding to see her grandchild.
AIBU to block her number and ignore her? To me my daughters feelings come first right now, we can sort MIL out in a few days.

I vote stay out of it. My ex MIL is constantly complaining to my mum about me and her son (my ex) and how she doesn't agree with her parenting. I wish she'd leave my mum alone

Jesus christ on a motorbike! You can clearly see some of the future monster in laws on this thread let the poor woman see her gc
She could and would have seen her gc if she hadnt been a pushy mouthy mare. She was invited to see them on the afternoon but decided to throw a tantrum that op got to see the baby first!
I have boys and have a few years before becoming a gp is even a thought yet i dont expect i will be at the birth of my gc or even meet them untill my future dil is feeling better.
The mil needs to calm down she isnt the mother

" He knows her best. And he sounds keen to establish boundaries with her. "

That's what it seemed like to me-which is why I wondered why he didn't just phone after getting home, settling in & it was convenient for her to visit.

Your poor DD shes had a total nightmare of a time and probably got a massive scare with it going wrong and baby being in NICU.

You are doing the best thing and just being there for her. Bugger MIL!! Let her dig her own grave.

Maybe im slightly bitter though as when I had my first DC my MIL burst into the cubicle without warning despite the curtains being shut as a DR was examining me.

@Cherries101

"I agree with @bananas. The OP’s dd is being deliberately nasty here. Lets hope OP doesn’t do anything to pee her off."

Another person doing selective reading or just being deliberately cunty??? 🤔

We made the same mistake with my family diddl. After the experience of being looked after in hospital, DH’s assumption that most people are lovely, etc, we slipped into telling my parents stuff, keeping them updated etc. Why? I don’t fucking know. Probably because having my first children made me want normal kind parents more than I’ve ever wanted it before.

Sigh. They were twats. We distanced them.

I did not appreciate in laws (who are generally lovely and see DC a lot) making sympathetic noises about my mum wanting to see her GC. They were trying to be fair, I see that, but fuckssake. My parents are shits.

Yes the DP fucked up by accidentally talking to his mum like a normal person but he has been through trauma too, seeing his wife go through surgery, baby go into NICU. He stepped up and sorted his mum out, good man. Not up to anyone else to get involved, especially not OP.

She doesn’t want to run the risk of disrespecting a parent just in the interests of being seen to be ‘fair’. She doesn’t need a relationship with the other grandparent but for everyone’s sake she does need a good relationship with her DD’s DP.

I agree with @bananas. The OP’s dd is being deliberately nasty here. Lets hope OP doesn’t do anything to pee her off.

I see the trolls are crawling out from under the bridge.

For God sake why is everyone on this so against in laws? It's mental!

I had a very traumatic birth with my first. And I mean VERY VERY traumatic. My mum was at the hospital with my DH because I wanted her there. The next day my in laws came to visit because they are also the grandparents of my child. I would never have dismissed them. It's rude and hurtful.

I think YABU. Very much so.

Actually you can see the mother's of boys on here. Woman who want to make sure their male partners mothers are shut out of family life, painting these poor women as monsters, just because they want a relationship with their adult sons, and their grandkids. Its competition between females of the worst kind.

U I bet your life if this woman solits with her kids dad, he wil struggle to see the kids, let alone his mother, while op and daughter treat this baby like a possession, not a family member of a wider family.

An older female friend of mine was in teaes relating how badly her daughter in laws treated her, not being wanted at Christmas, round for coffee uninvited. As a widow she felt used as a mother, and discarded once she had fulfilled her duties.

This lovely woman is a treasure, but unlucky to have a mean, jealous dil.

Have some compassion. 5 mins wouldn't hurt.

I feel a bit sorry for MIL. It’s always a difficult time, (I remember my MIL getting on my nerves because she arrived at the house before we wanted and I was in same position as OPs DD c-section, etc) but was it really necessary to have a row with her? Such a shame they couldn’t have managed to let her in for a few mins, she must have felt so upset to be so out of it all.
However what’s done is done. I think you should encourage your daughter and her partner to make amends with MIL and definitely stay out of the loop yourself. I expect she is feeling v envious of you! Maybe you could gently explain to DD that MIL is just desperate to be included?

I’m so angry for your poor DD. MIL can FTFO.

Please keep an eye on DD, she’ll be higher risk for PND with a traumatic birth and baby going to NICU, MIL’s ridiculous drama will not help.

I'd probably just tell her that you are only doing what the the parents have requested and that they will contact her in due course - then ignore her calls Although I hope she doesn't decide to just turn up.

I think bananas has lost the plot through wild projecting.

OP, I hope your daughter is getting some much needed rest and getting some quiet time with her new baby. I'm glad she has a DP who is prioritising her health and needs first. That is so important in any relationship.

Hopefully, your DD's DP will be able to sort his mother out and she'll listen. She has behaved badly, and even though she was still given some time with her new grandchild, she created a massive scene that has ruined your DD/DP's homecoming with their new baby. Awful behaviour, and clearly no need for it. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and apologise for her idiocy.

bananasaremyfriends

Maybe the rest of us are women who are stick of having the mothers of our DP interfere in every single aspect of our lives because they think they're entitled.

The MIL has never been banned from seeing the baby - she was asked to wait until they'd got home and settled in FOR AN HOUR, but she couldn't respect that simple request and ruined their homecoming.

Surely if you aren’t welcome at your sons Christmas it’s your son who is excluding you.

Sick, not stick. I often mistype when I'm eye rolling.

5 mins wouldn't hurt at a time to suit the BABY. Waiting outside the house is utterly inappropriate.

OP I wish I'd had someone like you cheerleading for me and keeping my MIL away from me hours after I had a 4am emergency section. THe relationship has never been the same since.

@bananasaremyfriends

Have some compassion

??? How about some compassion for the woman who has just had major surgery, been ripped away from her baby for him to be in ICU, and come home to someone who has put their own wants / needs before her!!

Seriously, fuck off

Why is the op's dd getting called nasty? What about dad, the son of mil? He is the one that was in contact with his mum and said once we are home and settled in, we will call.

Maybe he knows his mum well enough to know give her an inch and take a mile. I mean come on, not exactly innocent is she? Waiting for them ignoring what he had said. Arguing with him. Not exactly the behaviour of a reasonable adult.

He goes home every weekend to see her, have to wonder why. Yes, ops dd hasn't given any indication of mil being unreasonable or whatever, but maybe dd doesn't want to get drawn into all the drama. And as well, what reasonable adult then pushes boundaries by harassing another person?

If mil has respected the wishes of the new parents, she would have seen gc, everyone would be in their own homes and sleeping in their own beds.

I think you need to ask for this to be taken down before it ends up in the gutter press. Some people on this thread are unbalanced. Take care.

The MIL was invited to spend the afternoon the DIL, baby & her DP got home with them but chose to ignore her. That doesn’t sound like she was being pushed out or ignored or whatever.

The MIL sounds utterly horrible, the DIL has had major surgery and doesn’t need to have her MIL making it all about her.

The DIL is probably feeling very fragile and is in pain trying to get to grips with her new baby, her DP is probably feeling very protective over his new family. The MIL is being incredibly selfish.

My MIL is crazy about DC it’s her first and only GC & she utterly dotes on her but she never ever imposed on us, she’d drop hints about coming around (which completely went over my head) till I realised then I invited her around for lunch every weekend and would hand baby over to her to cuddle to her hearts content. Because she’s a lovely woman who cares about my health and feelings too & never ever made it about her.

Is it a coincidence that “bananas” & “cherries” who agree with each other so precisely areboth fruits?

Like fuck is the OP's DD being nasty here. She AND her DP ( you know, the MILs own son) asked for a short time to settle in, only for MIL to go batshit.

She wasn't being told she had to wait weeks or anything stupid like that. And OP is there looking after her DD.

I see nothing in OPs posts to justify the projection coming from some people.