Daughters c section & MIL

[Ohmyohmyohmyohmy]

My daughter had a c section on Tuesday. She had an emergency so quite traumatic for her.
I was waiting for her in the side room, her DP was in with her, and saw her after she had been sewn up. All went well. She wanted me to stay at the hospital. She came home yesterday to find MIL waiting outside in her car. She’d been asked to wait until contacted to visit. They wanted to get settled in. I got a very upset phone call asking me to come round. When I got there MIL was arguing with DDP. He was angry that she had turned up unannounced, she was angry I’d been at the hospital and seen baby first.
My daughter has come home with me and baby, DDP is joining us this evening. She wants to stay here, with her DP and baby. It’s no problem, I have plenty of room.
What’s bothering me is she does not want contact with MIL, but I have MIL constantly texting and trying to call me, demanding to see her grandchild.
AIBU to block her number and ignore her? To me my daughters feelings come first right now, we can sort MIL out in a few days.

I hope she's not planning to make Sunday dinner or host her though?
Mil should be arriving with home cooking nutritional food for recovery and to support DD and DH who will be sleep deprived and hitting the hormonal rollercoaster around a week post partum (common not all women ofc).

Apart from anything DD shouldn't be bending, lifting pans or roasting pots .. and the son needs to be supporting wife and new baby, not hosting mil as guest visitors like normal... Is that the plan op?

OP said tea, not dinner. I'm sure the baby's dad can manage to make a pot of tea and get the biscuits out.

when baby is here, I’ll be there to advise and show her what to do. Making him think she would be like she was before

oh dear...

well I think you, & DDP, have handled the situation as well as anybody could. I hope MIL will listen & think, pull herself together & stop making unreasonable demands.

for all of you & I hope DD recovers quickly from the CS

I'm the mother of sons. If they have children of their own I will absolutely respect my DiL's wishes immediately post partum. Childbirth isn't easy and can be traumatic and I understand that. I also understand why some would want their own mother with them and not their partner's mum.

Although both my SiL's asked my mum to be with them when they gave birth.

You can support your partner and still make a cuppa and hand round some biscuits it really isn't that difficult.

Say no to her. When I gave birth to the twins, my partner’s mom babysat for us. She spent a week with us and was expected to act as a temporary childcare provider. My partner’s family took care of the apartment and cooked a couple of meals. They were respectful of my wishes. As a new mom I will always be grateful for all their support and advice in the days following the birth.
Block her number and delete her from Facebook too.

The MIL sounds really intrusive, although I’m happy your Daughters partner stood up to that over bearing mother.

People excusing her actions are just people who would do the same thing -.-

I suspect behind most 'evil daughter in laws' there is an incident like this. Anyone who is friends with my mother in law will tell you how awful I am to a sweet devoted woman. Actually, I'm a lot kinder than she deserves.

Incidents include asking to come and visit us for two weeks. We, being young and child free had lots of plans with friends so we asked her to come at another time. She said she'd come stay with a friend and just stop the first night. Then she and her friend decided it would be easier for her to just stay with us. And of course, she expected us either to cancel all our plans or include her. So the next time she tried that I booked her into a hotel for the first night, so her friend could meet her there. We had offered loads of dates we could do.

Maybe that doesn't sound so bad, but you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who won't see you as a separate person with your own wants/needs.

Think you're handling this well op

As a mother and a MIL I do think some grandparents have great difficulty realising that most women just want their Mums first and we need to back off until things are settled. Grandparents dont have rights, they have privileges. Upset your DIL and you may find they are withdrawn. Jealousy of the other grandmother is frankly pathetic. I am a grandmother to ten so have seen all permutations. My role as a MIL is first to be useful when needed and when asked, never to plow in. They seem to forget that childbirth is a time a woman often needs her Mum like never before, especially if it has been a difficult birth, Leave it to the son to sit her down and gently explain all this to her, There is plenty of time for grandmothering, if you don't make demands and alienate the mother of the baby

Oh no, tea, as in tea and cakes. Made by me this afternoon as stress relief!! Daughter is doing nothing but practising her smile 😊.

@imsoimso - it stands for darling daughter's partner. So OP's son in law. www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

Congratulations to your daughter OP, I hope things continue to improve for her physically and mentally Maybe encourage your DD to reach out to the perinatal mental health team at the hospital if she feels like she needs some extra support after her birth.

I'm due in Feb with my first so definitely need to start thinking about visiting plans, my DM and DSis are the ones that loves to push boundaries rather than MIL so this might be tricky!

My MIL was like your daughter's MIL but they were already in my home and trying to "help" by going through our stuff and "reorganising everything". I was in such a state, I couldn't see the woods for the trees. I needed my mum more than anything.

When she first came to visit, she came straight for me and making sure I was alright and it made the world of difference. When there were complications with my labour my mum asked: are you ok? My MIL asked: is the baby ok? It was clear where my place was.

Hope that your daughter recovers well and never apologise for being a lovely mum your daughter can rely on.

Oh big apologies, I've misinterpreted then, I thought it was Sunday tea with roast meat and yorkies and pudding , not tea and cake - quite different!!

THat explain's why he got angry then.

A lot of us would have been able to roll our eyes, be polite, & make sure there was room error in future.

Perhaps the letting him know there were on the way home was a "test"?

Idk I felt initially for MIL as it's something I could see me doing, but hopefully with apologies, offers of help & a short stay.

Without the history though!

Have mil for tea on Sunday....
Fried or boiled??
Tempting or what?

Santaispolishinghissleigh
You made me laugh out loud for the first time today, thank you.

Maybe a slow roast?

As 1 dgm to another - take care on your dgm journey and wishing your dd a speedy recovery.

Santaispolishinghissleigh. Thank you.
Today has certainly be a toughly. Onwards and upwards. Looking forward to a peaceful evening tomorrow with grandpa and a glass or two 😀.

At least your DD doesn’t have a DP problem!

Hope she’s feeling better soon

Congratulations on your grandchild x

Glad things are a bit better. Sounds awful for your daughter. When I got home from hospital with my first I was a right mess, in pain, crying, tired, hungry, baby was crying as was hungry and I was struggling. I would not have wanted to see anyone at all and I didn't have to have an emergency cs.
Can't believe some of the things people are saying on this thread. With my second it was really different and I was ok to see people for a bit.

I think sometimes it’s hard to relate to something when you haven’t experienced it yourself. Poor girl was exhausted, sore, hungry, very emotional, she’d bled through her sanitary protection , her wound was leaking, needed a wee and baby was hungry. Journey home was very uncomfortable, she could hardly walk and just wanted to have a shower, clean herself up, and generally feel a bit more presentable for MIL. Finding her waiting outside was the last straw. We’ve had a long cuddle and a chat, and a cuppa and she’s feeling stronger.

Everyone is different and has a higher or lower limit. Some can relate to how she’s feeling some can’t.

In fact I can hear her laughing (and groaning) now. A lovely sound.

Ohmyohmy You are doing a brilliant job. You are in a very tricky spot but you sound lovely. I hope the MIL can sort her head out and that this all settles down very quickly. Good luck to all of you and hope you can make some lovely memories between you'd selves. Xx

It was obvious there was going to be some backstory from the DDP’s reaction to her turning up. Those of us with shit parents can see it.

OP, you sound lovely, and both your DD and DDP are lucky to have you. Hope your DD continues to recover well.