I’ve invited a (possible) alcoholic to a (definitely) alcoholic party… HELP!

[QwertyLou]

It my son’s 4th birthday soon (PFBAO). For the first time, people I don’t know well are coming to his party – his closest friends from kindy (nursery) and their parents.

When I say “alcoholic party”… no one will be knocking back Jim Beams or skolling Vodka – just a glass of champagne when we sing Happy Birthday, with wine and beer available. I wouldn’t expect much alcohol to be consumed at all – most of my family is teetotal and many of the Mums attending are nursing or pregnant. But I am definitely looking forward to sharing a nice glass with friends while the kids hoe into the cake!

I’m not in the U.K. but one of my son’s friends is from there.

Someone I know happens to work with one of that child’s parents (“Parent”) and tells me I have been insensitive and should have put “alcohol will be served” on the invitation, so people are aware. Which to me feels like saying “birthday cake will be served,” as it is an afternoon party – wouldn’t people expect a glass of wine? I’d feel like a bad hostess not to offer one. To me the timing (afternoon) is a clear signal that alcohol will or may be served.

But it seems UK kids afternoon parties don’t usually involve alcohol.

Apparently Parent has experienced problems with alcohol in the past and has made an informed decision not to attend events where alcohol will be served. My informant is aware of this only because their mutual workplace sometimes involves alcohol, I don’t want to say too much as it is not my info to share.

I’m now wondering (as they are from UK) whether they accepted the invitation blissfully unaware that alcohol will be served?

And should I let them know? Would it BU just to leave them to say “no thanks” when the champagne comes around.

Or is that like someone putting chocolate in front of me when I’m not expecting it. WWYD?

A 4th birthday party, with loads of kids running around hyper on sugar in the afternoon, is a crap place to drink

I don’t ply kids with sugar at parties. And you think it’s a crap place to have a glass of wine. I don’t. And apparently neither do the vast majority of the parents who come to my children’s (lovely, relaxed, no one running round hyper) parties.

my attitude is get out as quickly as possible and go to do some proper drinking with people I actually like

I do like the parents of my DC’s friends. They’re lonely people. A lot of them were my friends before we had children.

Lovely, not lonely!

Oh and 4th birthday parties are social occasions for the children. They are obligations for the parents. Two hours out of a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to be got over with as soon as possible

The only adults at children’s parties are parents?

I can't be arsed to scroll back up the thread, but your post earlier said that some people would consider alcohol essential to coping with a large number of 4-year-olds

Come off it. It was blatantly obvious from the context that I was talking about children’s parties. That’s the whole topic of the thread. You were the first person to bring up school.

I’m an outstanding teacher. I still like a glass of wine now and again.

Haha, how would you have any idea how many friends my DC’s friend’s parents have?! Or does the fact that they have a glass of wine at kids parties mean they’re automatically social pariahs living a lonely existence?

Or were you just trying to sound funny and clever?

Alcohol in small quantities is a mild mood-alterer. As is caffeine, as is nicotine, as is whatever-it-is in chocolate. There is nothing wrong with this, for most people. All those pissy fun sponges who insist that there is something wrong with you if you want a glass or two of wine/beer/champagne, or at least would find it pleasant to be offered one at a party, probably get their own kicks from disapproval...

Umm. What? Are you in the habit of going and hanging around at random children's parties?

No. My young nieces and nephews have birthdays. So do my god children. And the children of my very close friends. You are seriously lacking in imagination.

*I can't imagine anything worse than spending my entire working week with small children and then filling my spare time with attending children's parties when I don't have to.
Do you think it might make you want a glass of wine?

filling my spare time with attending children's parties

Where did you get the idea that I fill my spare time with children’s parties? Wouldn’t you attend a family or special-to-you child’s party?

Why would it make you want a glass of wine if you only drink wine 'for the taste' and it has no effect on your mood?

The taste is what improves my mood. Like eating cheese.

No, I don't go to small children's parties except for taking my kids there. Nor do I invite my friends who aren't parents of similar-aged kids to my kids' parties. I assume that no one would choose to attend them unless they had to.

So you wouldn’t invite family members without children to your child’s birthday party?

So when you said, repeatedly, that dealing with multiple small children would make you want a glass of wine, why didn't you say "doesn't it make you want a piece of cheese?"

Because it doesn’t.

I want a piece of cheese before I go to bed because it reminds me of supper as a kid. I want a cup of tea when I come in from work after a tough day. I want Pringles when I’m revising.

I wouldn't dream of inviting other family members or friends who don't have kids. Why would I inflict that on them?

Because they are part of the family? Didn’t realise you had to be able to have a baby to be a proper part of the family.