I’ve invited a (possible) alcoholic to a (definitely) alcoholic party… HELP!

[QwertyLou]

It my son’s 4th birthday soon (PFBAO). For the first time, people I don’t know well are coming to his party – his closest friends from kindy (nursery) and their parents.

When I say “alcoholic party”… no one will be knocking back Jim Beams or skolling Vodka – just a glass of champagne when we sing Happy Birthday, with wine and beer available. I wouldn’t expect much alcohol to be consumed at all – most of my family is teetotal and many of the Mums attending are nursing or pregnant. But I am definitely looking forward to sharing a nice glass with friends while the kids hoe into the cake!

I’m not in the U.K. but one of my son’s friends is from there.

Someone I know happens to work with one of that child’s parents (“Parent”) and tells me I have been insensitive and should have put “alcohol will be served” on the invitation, so people are aware. Which to me feels like saying “birthday cake will be served,” as it is an afternoon party – wouldn’t people expect a glass of wine? I’d feel like a bad hostess not to offer one. To me the timing (afternoon) is a clear signal that alcohol will or may be served.

But it seems UK kids afternoon parties don’t usually involve alcohol.

Apparently Parent has experienced problems with alcohol in the past and has made an informed decision not to attend events where alcohol will be served. My informant is aware of this only because their mutual workplace sometimes involves alcohol, I don’t want to say too much as it is not my info to share.

I’m now wondering (as they are from UK) whether they accepted the invitation blissfully unaware that alcohol will be served?

And should I let them know? Would it BU just to leave them to say “no thanks” when the champagne comes around.

Or is that like someone putting chocolate in front of me when I’m not expecting it. WWYD?

This informer knows an awful lot of information about someone they don't really know at all. Again, I think they're a gossip. I think you should ignore what they've told you. I think you absolutely should ignore the poster who says to get the informant to speak to the guest about it, unless you want the informant to get the sack.

BEWARE a nasty, nasty mother at my school labelled me an 'alcoholic' ( I'm from UK, not from where I had newly arrived to) It was TERRIBLE, I am still seen 'as other'. Really, don't get involved, this whole thing is a 'nasty gossipy concern' Serve drinks and don't patronise (I know you are trying to be very kind)

PS I am NOT an alcoholic! But think of her DC's too. Rumours (as I IS a rumour) are evil IMO.

Have fun and a great party!

My sister went to a kids birthday party and had a glass of prosecco. When she turned up at the school to pick up her older dc, the school accused her of being drunk and wouldn't let dd go home with her and rang social services. I kid you not. All because she smelled of alcohol (or that's my sisters version of events anyway)

But I'm finding it very funny how people tie themselves in knots trying to somehow claim that alcohol transmits a magical 'feel good factor' or 'party spirit' which has nothing at all to do with intoxication.

Alcohol operates on a spectrum, it's not binary. You feel its fingers working their way through you with one glass, but are short of tipsy. One glass is very nice in the afternoon at a party.

Several glasses at night are nice, too.

I've no idea what the source of confusion is!

BEWARE a nasty, nasty mother at my school labelled me an 'alcoholic' ( I'm from UK, not from where I had newly arrived to) It was TERRIBLE, I am still seen 'as other'. Really, don't get involved, this whole thing is a 'nasty gossipy concern' Serve drinks and don't patronise (I know you are trying to be very kind)

Around here you'd be fighting an uphill battle to cast aspersion on anyone who served alcohol at a child's party!

@QwertyLou Still no, the reasons in my first post stand.

Maybe the person in question thought the move might be a fresh start. Guess your informant has screwed that up then.

But for all you know, the person in question may have zero problems with alcohol and your 'informant' is part of a group of gossipy bags hiding their meanness beneath a veneer of patronising, ill informed 'concern'.

What you describe (rather nicely and poetically) is correct

Thank you!

I take back that you're a pedantic joy-kill.

Kill-joy.

I'm feeling my age today.

Clearly one glass of wine isn't going to get you tipsy. Right?

You're allowed to drive after one glass of wine.

So anyone enjoying a glass or two of wine at a children's party, and then going on their way, isn't drunk or even tipsy.

I went to the movies with a group of friends during the week. We stopped at a bar beforehand and had a glass of wine. One glass each. Not because we wanted to get intoxicated, or even tipsy. One glass of wine will not do that (again - you can drive after a glass of wine).

We could all have ordered a glass of lemonade, but none of us wanted lemonade, but we didn't really fancy that - we fancied a wine.

You're the one who said: What is the point in serving drinks if you're not even supposed to get tipsy?

So perhaps this idea of adults enjoying an alcoholic drink or two without needing to feel its intoxicating effects is completely strange to you.

Suffice to say, it's not in the slightest bit odd - in the real world - for people to host, and attend, events where they might just have one or two glasses of wine / a beer, and then go on their not so merry way.

This is what the OP is proposing.

4 year olds party in the afternoon.

No-one expects booze to be on offer.

He needs to know alcohol will be there so he can choose to go or not

Oh let it go. If the law says that people can drone after a small glass of wine or a bottle of beer, I’m confident that people can manage to look after their children adequately after the same.

*drive, not drone

Are you telling me that one glass of wine has intoxicating effects?

And again - does one glass of wine have an intoxicating effect?

Alcohol is something that adults drink, pretty much exclusively in social situations.

Most people don't drink to get inebriated. Some do. Some do sometimes, but not other times.

Some people drink alcohol to get drunk, or perhaps just tipsy.

Some people drink alcohol with absolutely no intention of getting tipsy, or drunk, or inebriated, or stotious. Unfathomable as this apparently is to some people.

Other things that oil the wheels of social occasions:

• food
• music
• good conversation
• nice weather

None of these things cause inebriation or even tipsiness.

And one glass of wine has such an intoxicating effect that it's perfectly legal to drive, having consumed it.

Right.

You did miss the point of the post I was quoting. She was simultaneously claiming that she drinks for the taste alone, with zero intoxicating effects, and that alcohol is necessary to cope with looking after small children.

I'm glad my kids' teachers don't share that (confused) view.

I’ve been out at work teaching children all day. I could be your kids’ teacher.

I’m not sure why you responded so aggressively to my post and sat “still waiting” for my response.

It is perfectly obvious to most people that drinking one glass of wine does not automatically make you tipsy. If that were the case, the drink drinking limit would be none at all.

Have you never had a cup of tea when you’ve had a rotten day and found that enjoyable? I like the taste of wine. It’s nice to have something nice at a party.

Exactly, @PurpleDaisies it's about the feel good factor, a pick me up if you will. Chocolate makes me feel good too (although not good for my waistline obviously!). It's been said that chocolate can be as good as sex. (Not wine, note, chocolate! ).

Given that you think alcohol is essential in order to cope with a lot of small children, I really, really hope you're not.

Birthday parties aren’t exactly the same as a primary school class. Can you seriously not see the difference between a social event and work?