I’ve invited a (possible) alcoholic to a (definitely) alcoholic party… HELP!

[QwertyLou]

It my son’s 4th birthday soon (PFBAO). For the first time, people I don’t know well are coming to his party – his closest friends from kindy (nursery) and their parents.

When I say “alcoholic party”… no one will be knocking back Jim Beams or skolling Vodka – just a glass of champagne when we sing Happy Birthday, with wine and beer available. I wouldn’t expect much alcohol to be consumed at all – most of my family is teetotal and many of the Mums attending are nursing or pregnant. But I am definitely looking forward to sharing a nice glass with friends while the kids hoe into the cake!

I’m not in the U.K. but one of my son’s friends is from there.

Someone I know happens to work with one of that child’s parents (“Parent”) and tells me I have been insensitive and should have put “alcohol will be served” on the invitation, so people are aware. Which to me feels like saying “birthday cake will be served,” as it is an afternoon party – wouldn’t people expect a glass of wine? I’d feel like a bad hostess not to offer one. To me the timing (afternoon) is a clear signal that alcohol will or may be served.

But it seems UK kids afternoon parties don’t usually involve alcohol.

Apparently Parent has experienced problems with alcohol in the past and has made an informed decision not to attend events where alcohol will be served. My informant is aware of this only because their mutual workplace sometimes involves alcohol, I don’t want to say too much as it is not my info to share.

I’m now wondering (as they are from UK) whether they accepted the invitation blissfully unaware that alcohol will be served?

And should I let them know? Would it BU just to leave them to say “no thanks” when the champagne comes around.

Or is that like someone putting chocolate in front of me when I’m not expecting it. WWYD?

I’m one of three sisters. We’re all very close. I love my nieces and nephews and see them all the time. I’m so glad my sister doesn’t consider the fact I couldn’t have kids grounds for excluding me from their birthdays. I’m so glad you’re not in my family.

This is you electric. You.

You implied I was some sort of alcoholic for liking a glass of wine at a party.

You basically said I was a weirdo for “hanging around small children’s parties”.

You then said it wasn’t right to invite other adults who are important to children to those parties if they weren’t bringing children. Difficult if you haven’t got them.

Don’t make out like this is me criticising you for absolutely no reason.

Crikey! haven't read the full thread but the question was should the OP have made parents aware that alcohol will be served, not is it ok to serve alcohol at a children's party..

I have a certain amount of experience of alcoholism - I'd advise not to serve, as such, but to make available, and also not to get it all out at the same time - replenish supplies sensitively. There will be loads of other people there not drinking, and the drinking is not the point of the occasion - i think this should be fine.

What's difficult for (esp early) recovering alcoholics is events where drinking is a major part. Where it's available but a very minor part, it can actually help people struggling with this to practice abstinence where it feels normal.

I see, so you're basically hosting not parties for children (who want sweets and crazy running around for a couple of hours) but adult get-togethers where people sit around sipping wine and being 'relaxed' and the kids are bored out of their minds?

No, not at all. You’re just making things up now.
We’ve had magicians, bouncy castles, craft parties, assault courses... and a couple of glasses of wine alongside it.

"I see, so you're basically hosting not parties for children (who want sweets and crazy running around for a couple of hours) but adult get-togethers where people sit around sipping wine and being 'relaxed' and the kids are bored out of their minds?*

You have a really odd narrow minded views of how people should socially interact. The small kids I know love their extended family and their parents adult friends who have been part of their life so long they might as well be part of the family. They specifically ask for them to come to their parties, get excited to see them, and would be sad if they didn't turn up.

The parties are full of running and games and bouncy castles and fun for kids that some of the parents at any given time might get involved in, but theres enough adults that they can also hang back at various points and do some socialising as adults with gasp a glass of pimm's or a beer. Adults having fun doesn't prevent children having fun.

Sounds much nicer to me than having a party the adults hate and only attend begrudgingly, and can't wait to yank their child as soon as possible.

Older childrens parties are different because parents can drop and run, but for young kids having a party that's good for everyone is the way I'd go.

Never been to a child’s party where the norm is to offer alcohol to parents staying (or even collecting). I’ve been to some parties hosted on a local social club and if the bar is open then some parents may buy an alcoholic drink, although many would buy a soft drink or even a hot drink. The only kids parties I’ve been invited to have been where groups of friends have got together for one of the children’s birthdays and alcohol maybe offered or brought along but it’s more an adults social occasion and not a kids party where the kids are coming from school. Here in the UK though most ( year old parties are held at soft play or a community Center and all food and drink is provided k key to the children.

I think it's fine to offer alcohol at a kids birthday party....people are not there to get drunk but it's a social occasion and a sociable thing to do, it's not like people are going to get steaming drunk.

I don't think you should say anything as it's not your place to do so, there is a possibility that alcohol will be served at any party and your guest will know that. Maybe your friend could mention it in passing.

Most parties I go to at peoples houses alcohol is offered unless it is say 10-12, I would not be remotely offended or shocked if I was offered a glass of wine or even better Champagne assuming I wasn’t driving etc. If you offer tea/coffee/soft drink/wine then people can make their own decisions but I certainly wouldn’t feel a need to inform anyone that I had wine in my fridge!

I said I didn't see the point of drinking one glass of wine at a children's party, it seems inappropriate and pointless.

But, you get that other people don't think this, right?

And that no matter how aerated this whole concept seems to make you, many people will continue to blithely enjoying a glass of wine, while at children's parties.

I've rarely been to a kids party where I haven't been offered a glass of wine. For my own kids birthdays I definitely have a glass. I'm celebrating the day I pushed them out!

I have never been to a children's party where I have been offered alcohol To be fair very few of DD's schoolfriends had parties at home. They were usually in a soft play or somewhere where alcohol wouldn't have been served anyway - swimming pool, science centre, farm etc.

video footage of what?