I’ve invited a (possible) alcoholic to a (definitely) alcoholic party… HELP!

[QwertyLou]

It my son’s 4th birthday soon (PFBAO). For the first time, people I don’t know well are coming to his party – his closest friends from kindy (nursery) and their parents.

When I say “alcoholic party”… no one will be knocking back Jim Beams or skolling Vodka – just a glass of champagne when we sing Happy Birthday, with wine and beer available. I wouldn’t expect much alcohol to be consumed at all – most of my family is teetotal and many of the Mums attending are nursing or pregnant. But I am definitely looking forward to sharing a nice glass with friends while the kids hoe into the cake!

I’m not in the U.K. but one of my son’s friends is from there.

Someone I know happens to work with one of that child’s parents (“Parent”) and tells me I have been insensitive and should have put “alcohol will be served” on the invitation, so people are aware. Which to me feels like saying “birthday cake will be served,” as it is an afternoon party – wouldn’t people expect a glass of wine? I’d feel like a bad hostess not to offer one. To me the timing (afternoon) is a clear signal that alcohol will or may be served.

But it seems UK kids afternoon parties don’t usually involve alcohol.

Apparently Parent has experienced problems with alcohol in the past and has made an informed decision not to attend events where alcohol will be served. My informant is aware of this only because their mutual workplace sometimes involves alcohol, I don’t want to say too much as it is not my info to share.

I’m now wondering (as they are from UK) whether they accepted the invitation blissfully unaware that alcohol will be served?

And should I let them know? Would it BU just to leave them to say “no thanks” when the champagne comes around.

Or is that like someone putting chocolate in front of me when I’m not expecting it. WWYD?

Wow there's some really judgy people on this thread as well as some massively overreacting pearl clutchers.

I'm not particularly a drinker but any party I've held at home, be it adult or child, I've always offered a selection of drinks, hot, cold, soft, alcoholic...as an adult I can trust my friends to be responsible. If they're driving they don't choose an alcoholic drink. If they're in charge of children, they don't.
Do what you have said, op, your party sounds lovely.

Banana Juuce is spot on . Do that

And don’t over sweat it

Many parties have some and many don’t . No need to make a drama

I wouldn’t worry, change your plans or contact them.

It’s not an evening party where the majority of people will be drinking and drinking a lot.

It’s a children’s party where you are serving various options of drinks including a glass of champagne or a beer. You are not expecting people to hang around drinking all afternoon.

Making more of a deal out of it is more likely to backfire. The supposed alcoholic will feel embarrassed and under pressure. So just act normal.

Your mutual friend shouldn’t have said anything.

I like the 'looking forward to seeing you Saturday, please feel free to stay for a glass of wine' suggestion above.

To echo everyone else ever... why the fuck are you serving alcohol at a 4 year olds birthday party? How weird.

You've not echoed me, either.

What is the point in serving drinks if you're not even supposed to get tipsy?

You only ever drink to get tipsy or drunk?
I often have a single beer, g and t or glass of wine in an evening just because I like the taste. I’m not a teenager any more.

It's not fun drinking around kids. Especially around loads of 4 year olds

Some might say it’s what makes being around lot of four year olds bearable

To echo everyone else ever... why the fuck are you serving alcohol at a 4 year olds birthday party? How weird.

Get a grip.

My children are 4 and 3. I have offered wine/champagne/beer at every single one of their parties so far. They have generally been a gathering for the parents too. No one gets drunk (not everyone drinks to get drunk 🙄). I have also been to many many children’s parties where alcohol is offered (granted not those at climbing centres etc). It is not unusual.

I don't think your friend should have mentioned the other mum's problem with alcohol. I've had problems with alcohol in the past and I would have been mortified in her shoes to know that your 'informant' had been gossiping about me.

In the UK it certainly isn't the norm to serve alcohol at a children's party, but I can imagine that in other European countries this is different. In France, for example, at the homes I've stayed in, wine is served at the evening meal every day so kids are used to seeing it.

could you just clarify which it is, because the two sentences of your post completely contradict each other. Cheers

This question wasn't directed at me, but I'm answering anyway because I'm helpful like that.

I don't think the two sentences do contradict each other.

Many adults enjoy a glass of wine or two - not to get drunk, or even tipsy (necessarily). It's just to oil the wheels of social engagement.

Glass of wine? Beer? Yes, that'd be lovely, thanks!

It's not to get pissed. It's just to relax the atmosphere, and get on the same page as people, so to speak. 🥂🍻

Gosh I'd love to learn how to make intoxicants non-intoxicating according to what I prefer, rather than their intrinsic biochemical properties.
It could transform the world

Well I don’t get drunk on a glass of wine, or a bottle of beer. No one I know does either.

It’s very normal where we live in the IK for there to be bubbly/beers on offer at kids parties when they are at a house or village hall. Our kids are still of the age where parents stay so it’s only fair to help take the edge of having to take your kids to a party!! Just wish it could be served at the hell that is a soft play party!

It’s not a massive booze fest so hopefully they should be ok....but your friend should mention it

Gosh I'd love to learn how to make intoxicants non-intoxicating according to what I prefer, rather than their intrinsic biochemical properties.
It could transform the world.

Ah ... you just have one drink. Perhaps two. That's pretty much sure-fire guaranteed not to get you drunk.

Am I missing something?

Was at a 4 year old’s house party this week and had a couple
Of glasses of wine...most of the adults did. It’s normal for parties at home, in a soft play not so much.

@ElectricMonkey

A lot of us have just a couple of glasses of our alcoholic beverage of choice because it does help get us in the party spirit. That's not getting tipsy at all. It's called a feel-good factor, sometimes chocolate does the same thing for me.

No, it's not lightly intoxicated. One or two drinks won't get you lightly intoxicated. It does oil the wheels of social engagements

I'm guessing you're either teetotal or an alcoholic if you can't wrap your head around this.

The poster isn’t your kids teacher though. And a party isn’t school.
As I said, we have always provided a small amount of wine/champagne/beer at our children’s parties. They’ve always been lovely, relaxed occasions. We’ve always had it provided too. I am hosting one of my children’s parties next week, I won’t be drinking as I’m heavily pregnant but I will provide for others. A champagne toast or a small glass of wine does not make for a raucous event with lax parenting.

And we're really not talking about professionals imbibing one or two alcohol drinks - while at work.

What have teachers got to do with anything?

I think the culture of where you are should determine how you treat this, not the UK, if that is not where you live.

In my experience there is no one culture in the UK. I have offered beer and wine to adults at kids parties but only when they were very young and later when we moved to a county. My friends who still live in London and have school age children don't offer alcohol at parties because many of the guests are muslim or otherwise culturally not that comfortable around alcohol.

I said you're either teetotal - or an alcoholic.

If you genuinely can't see why some people are happy to enjoy one or two alcoholic drinks of an occasion, and leave it at that, then ... I can't help you.

Thank you so much. Just decided fuck what people think. We always worry and never want to offend anyone. Raise our girls with good morals and a freedom to be themselves not putting pressue on anything to do with them and the shit still hit the can and continues to do so (need a break and wish I drank lol) but I have since decided no matter how nice and kind and accepting you are of people some arsehole always acts an arsehole and it's shit I do not need. Xx

ElectricMonkey, you're coming over as a bit of a pedantic joy-kill here. The OP is serving some champagne at a party. It's not a big deal.