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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have to rush to say 'hello' to DH?

151 replies

SadAboutTheBoy · 07/11/2018 17:53

Context: 3 floor house. I have a study/workroom in the attic where I spend a lot of my time for house admin on computer/ sewing machine/ studying (I am doing some distance learning courses).

When DH comes in from work (as he has just done...) he gets huffy if I don't go downstairs to say 'hello' almost immediately Hmm

I always shout down 'hello' and usually will wander down when I've finished whatever I was busy with - never usually more than about 10-15 mins - and will pour a glass of wine or something.

He says it makes him feel 'unwelcome' and also complains if the lights haven't been put on/ the house is dark downstairs.

?? Surely this is a bit controlling ?? A bit 50s Stepford Wifey ??

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 07/11/2018 17:56

Is he incapable of switching a light on and coming to say hello to you. Tell him it's no longer 1950.

user1488622199 · 07/11/2018 17:56

Funny how your stairs only go one way op - you might want to look into that then your husband could come and greet you with a nice glass of something cold!

SuchAToDo · 07/11/2018 17:59

Tell him it works both ways, why can't he switch on the light?, why can't he pop his head around the door and say hi I'm home?

Justanotheruser01 · 07/11/2018 17:59

Wtf why are you not greeting him with his slippers and a ribbon in your hair??? Do you WANT him to cheat?! God damn you. Hope youve at least made him a meal from scratch

Omgineedanamechange · 07/11/2018 18:07

Tsk tsk op, you really need to get your act together. This should help.

www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/1

FoodGloriousFud · 07/11/2018 18:09

I find it odd that you don't tbh, my partner and I both get up to meet the other one when they get home.

hendal · 07/11/2018 18:09

Justanotheruser01 reminded me of this gem, I remember my DM and her friends laughing over a paper copy circulating in the late-90s Grin

www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/amp/

OP YANBU! He presumably knows where you are and has mastered the art of switching a light on.

Original poster
SadAboutTheBoy · 07/11/2018 18:09

Grin Grin Good. It's not just me. I thought so. It's not like I stay upstairs for another hour or anything, but I just don't see why I should have to just drop whatever I'm doing.

Good point about the stairs only going one way - I'll get that checked out Grin

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 07/11/2018 18:11

Yabu - you know what time he’s going to be home so switch the lights on and come say hello?

It’s not about being a 1950s housewife. I do that for dh and he does that for me.

Dawsonforehead · 07/11/2018 18:13

Why do you have to be the one moving to greet him? Key point here being that you are presumably still working on the days that you haven't greeted him at the door with a hot cup of tea and well lit hallway. He has come home and is therefore no longer working, and can make that lonely journey to come and find you instead.

Believeitornot · 07/11/2018 18:15

The dh isn’t asking for a cup of tea, slippers or a hot dinner... just a simple face to face hello!

gamerchick · 07/11/2018 18:15

I must admit I got in this habit of going to greet the husband when he gets home. I'm still in the feeling butterfles stage of seeing him though so I'm assuming it'll pass.

I did laugh one day when I got him after him and he was like a wide eyed lost soul because he'd come back to an empty house. Properly tickled me. Grin he didn't whine though or get huffy.

I also like him to come say hello when I get in after him, it's just a nice feeling I think.

MrsTerryPratcett · 07/11/2018 18:16

DH and I meet each other at the door. It's nice. Does he rush downstairs to meet you when you get home?

I think the huffiness is shit. But the idea is nice.

goodnessidontknow · 07/11/2018 18:17

I think the little things like bothering to get up and greet your partner are really important in a relationship actually. They show you care.

I always go and greet my DH when he comes in and he does the same for me. It's such a nice feeling that I'm important enough to him that greeting me takes priority over what he is doing. Taking 5 minutes to go and say hello properly takes very little effort. I also agree that popping a light on when he is due home is a basic thing to do.

Original poster
SadAboutTheBoy · 07/11/2018 18:19

Believeitornot - I don't know what time he is coming home - it varies everyday, could be 6 pm, or 6.30 or 7pm

Yes I am still 'working' although that work may be paying household bills or doing school admin or my studying.

I don't have the equivalent 'me coming home' thing so I don't know, but I can't imagine him scuttling downstairs to see me.

If I remember earlier I will put the downstairs light on, but sometimes I am so engrossed in what I'm doing I forget.

OP posts:
someonehasto · 07/11/2018 18:19

Sounds like the perfect time for a rota to divvy up the light switching, initial greeting and wine pouring duties... marriage is about compromise, etc!

BerylStreep · 07/11/2018 18:21

We do tend to say hello in person, although if I was busy upstairs I'd just shout down and come down when I was ready.

What I really hate is when people come in without announcing themselves, it's creepy.

We have wireless lights which you can geofence to come on as soon as you approach the house. Has DH thought of that? We can also ask Alexa to switch on the lights.

leccybill · 07/11/2018 18:22

I finish at variable times (teacher) so I always drop DH a text to say I'm just leaving work. He knows it's a 25 min ish journey so when to expect me, usually with the kettle/dinner on. Just courtesy and showing you care I thought.

legalseagull · 07/11/2018 18:23

Op doesn't have stairs, she has a slide which only goes down

leccybill · 07/11/2018 18:24

And I sort all household bills, school admin and my own studying around my full time job so I'm not sure DH would consider any of that 'work', nor would I!

legalseagull · 07/11/2018 18:24

Buy a timer for your lights. And a dog. They're always up for a big warm welcome.

LL83 · 07/11/2018 18:24

YANBU. He is feeling hurt though, explain you are finishing off what you are doing for 10 mins so you can come spend time with him.

Running down to say hello then going back to where you were would take longer.

He is misinterpretating your lack of face to face hello straight away.

cheesefield · 07/11/2018 18:27

Oh the poor neglected soul. Of course you should be greeting him at the door in fresh lipstick and your apron and welcome him in to dinner on the table and his slippers by the fire. 

Ffs. Are there really still men like this?

OP, tell him he's very welcome to walk up the whole 2 floors to say hello if he's that fussed, and he can bring you a glass of wine while he's at it. Good grief.

MrsStrowman · 07/11/2018 18:27

We both greet each other when the other comes home, even if I'm in the bath as I was yesterday I called down that I was in the bath and DH came up to see me instead, but usually whoever is home first will greet the other and offer to put the kettle on. It's just nice. To be honest it was the same when I had housemates but DH someone would shout out they were gone you'd go and say hi, someone would put the kettle on catch up on the day 🤷

Iliveinazoo · 07/11/2018 18:28

People, in general, really do have too much time on their hands worrying over such insignificant things.