To not want to have to rush to say 'hello' to DH?

[SadAboutTheBoy]

Context: 3 floor house. I have a study/workroom in the attic where I spend a lot of my time for house admin on computer/ sewing machine/ studying (I am doing some distance learning courses).

When DH comes in from work (as he has just done...) he gets huffy if I don't go downstairs to say 'hello' almost immediately

I always shout down 'hello' and usually will wander down when I've finished whatever I was busy with - never usually more than about 10-15 mins - and will pour a glass of wine or something.

He says it makes him feel 'unwelcome' and also complains if the lights haven't been put on/ the house is dark downstairs.

?? Surely this is a bit controlling ?? A bit 50s Stepford Wifey ??

It makes him feel "unwelcome" that you're busy upstairs? Does he expect a butler to be standing there ready to take his coat?

I remember years ago when I had 2 babies and my DH was away for work a lot I used to come home to a dark house and think how lovely it would be ONCE, just once, for the lights to be on in a welcoming way....

He is being ridiculous to expect this on a daily basis. Tell him to grow up.

Omg my ExH cited my lack of welcome greeting when he got home from work as one of the reasons for the demise of out marriage. We used to joke about him being Victorian stepdad. He would have LOVED to have his pipe and slippers by the fire and the children groomed and lined up for inspection on his arrival. I was invariably up to my elbows in laundry, kids, cooking dinner, dogs, but oh my, if I didn't stop the minute he arrived...sulk city!!

Timers for lamps in house would be a great idea, but whilst I think it's nice to sometimes pop down when you hear your teenager or DP arriving home, sometimes not as you're busy- And he can then come find you!

I think the problem OP is that he's expecting all the effort from you and to return home like a conquering hero Hey can't you get a conquering heroine moment every now & then too, where the 'crowd go wild' as you leave your study to the warm embrace of your DP& a cup of tea greets you?! And that he's out the lights on downstairs for you?!

Sounds fair to me....

You need a large enthusiastic dog and some motion-sensing light switches. Dog hears husband come home, rushes to door setting off lights in the process, wrestles husband to floor, barks and licks him, by he time dog is finished, you've wrapped up and come downstairs.

You are not alone. My dh is the same at times. Like you, I will shout a greeting, but not necessarily rushed down to him.

Why on earth should you rush down to greet him? If he is so desperate to see you when he gets home, he can go upstairs. It's such a petty thing to get huffy about, he sounds like a child!

@TurkeyBear I look after the paperwork and the laundry, DH does all cooking and food shopping. Works for us!

Op - is your lounge/kitchen on the first floor? Could you not 'meet in the middle'?

If I'm downstairs cooking dinner I greet him. If I'm upstairs working I often yell a greeting and say to put the kettle on. If I don't come down he brings me cup of tea.

If I went to the door with a "How was your day darling?" he'd ask me what I'd done/broken 😂

House admin why has this become a thing now.

I like greeting the people I care about when they arrive. Would either get up or at least enthusiastically yell hello and that I was in the middle of something.

But I wouldn't turn the lights on specifically.

Love how everyone is filling in all this extra shit to maximize what is really not an incredibly far out wish

I like being welcomed home, I'm clearly not expecting a fucking blowjob, or servile behaviour from my partner and yeah we do greet each other. It's almost like we like each other

@aidelmaidel I agree. Dogs diffuse all kinds of little household tensions.

Automatic lights for one thing, as others have said.

But as to the greeting thing - I would say that I do, probably 75% of the time go and say high - I wouldn't if I was in the middle of something though - then I'd just yell hi, and he'd come to me.

I will say that DP however has a very annoying habit of not taking keys with him, and expecting me to come and let him in, and that does wind me up - especially when he rings twice because I apparently wasn't quickly enough putting down the kids dinner or whatever and getting to the door. He gets a bit of an earful for that, so it could be worse.

YANBU. He sounds a bit pathetic, if you ask me! I'm the full time worker in our family and everyone is busy when I get home. I usually go and find people or slump on the sofa. DH or a child usually comes and brings me a cuppa after they've finished whatever they were doing. DH works two shifts a week - usually lates - and I'm usually in bed when he gets home. I hear him come in, go to see the kids, put the kettle on, then he brings us both up a cuppa and we have a chat about the day.

The PP who said that welcoming your partner on their return shows you care, that may be the case in your relationship, but it's not necessary to everyone. My DH and I have a very happy, strong marriage and absolutely know we're both loved and cared for and neither of us gets the other rushing to welcome them as soon as we get home!

YANBU

He sounds incredibly childish 😕

I always greet my dh it just seems polite, plus I'm genuinely thrilled he's home. I think if this is important to him and he's told you this, then you make the effort. It's not a huge ask, and obviously it means something to him. Doing things for your dh doesn't make you a stepford wife, it makes you part of a partnership.

I think it depends if your studying is for your career or more of a hobby thing. Let’s be honest, how much time does school admin and paying bills really take per week. I think if the studying isn’t career related, you aren’t working from home and you children are teenagers, it won’t hurt you to set aside a few minutes a day to do something that’s obviously important to him.

I would find it really fucking annoying if I’d just got in from a long day and there was someone waiting expectantly at the door for me - let me get in, take my coat off and put my shit away before you’re in my face thanks, it’s annoying enough when kids do it and you’re tripping over them in the hall but grown adults? Fuck off!

I find it so weird that people are jumping up and running to the door to greet each other

Send him round here. DP is cooking shepherds pie while I'm on the recliner in front of the football drinking wine.

It clearly does depend what the OP does the rest of the day.

If she is busy with work or real family commitments then she deserves her office time to do what she needs to do. If the rest of the day is all leisure (or even substantially) then surely she can make the effort to greet her husband?

The ‘childish’ thing works both ways. If you feel it is fair to be kept financially in god style and your only obligation in return is school and household ‘admin’, that is not a partnership. It is acting like a spoiled child.

That 1950's good housewife guide is very funny, have seen it linked from many threads in the past. But, just in case anyone hasn't realised, it is a spoof, it's not (as claimed) based on a real article.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Wife%27s_Guide

I wouldn't have shifted myself to greet XH home from work, because our relationship was rotten. However, I do with DP. It's not about being Stepford Wifey - it's about being glad that he has come home, and demonstrating this to him (would expect it in reverse, too, if I were the one coming home from work) unlike with XH, when I used to dread him coming home and would hide upstairs and wish he hadn't bothered

Freaky Mcfreak.
Surely if he is that bothered he can walk up to see you.

I can SO see this in the Daily tomorrow!

Just their cup of tea! (which, btw, I'm sure your husband would like you to greet him with at the end of his very important day)

Oh I'd quite like this OP! I like a bit of time to myself when I get in from work. I don't think YBU to leave it for a while. Nice glass of wine a bit later sounds lovely!