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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friendship is now damaged

164 replies

Peaceisbliss · 07/11/2018 14:39

Hi. I'm a first time poster and would really appreciate opinions from others.
Five weeks ago I had a bad fall which resulted in a broken ankle and lower leg.
I was in hospital for 4 days but due to my partner working overseas I was discharged home alone. It was a bit scary but I sucked it up and managed with local friends popping in. My family live 200 miles away and due to issues I simply said I was coping fine but they have rang everyday.
However my oldest friend of 20 years has I feel let me down. They have been too busy to visit and in 5 weeks I've had a couple of texts. I got a bit upset that they couldn't help when I first came home and it did hurt but I've finally accepted it and just concentrated on staying positive. The thing is I've received a text today like nothing is wrong and they have not even asked how I'm doing..just a film recommendation.
I was a bit shocked and so called them out on it. They have form for selfish behaviour which I've always let slide previously due to length of time I've known them.
The excuse was they have been a bit stressed but surely it only takes 5 mins for a quick phone call. For context they work from home and have no kids so not overwhelmed with commitments.
I'm feeling a bit low after confronting them and don't know if it's me over thinking things? But to be blunt I feel I've seen their true colours and I feel the friendship may be over for me. 20years is such a long time but who treats a friend like that. Especially as I've honestly been there for them whenever needed. Feel like a mug.

OP posts:
BumsexAtTheBingo · 07/11/2018 14:45

Tbf I wouldn’t really think that a broken ankle in an otherwise healthy adult would mean they’d need people round to look after them? Maybe your friend feels the same. It seems like they have asked after you at first but aren’t still doing so after 5 weeks. If you were seriously ill that would be different obviously. Probably not what you wanted to hear though sorry Confused

Original poster
Peaceisbliss · 07/11/2018 14:49

I didn't need looking after. But I'm on crutches so meal prep, making drinks and washing is a challenge. I can't carry anything. But I'm managing. Maybe I am being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 07/11/2018 14:50

For context they work from home and have no kids so not overwhelmed with commitments.

What? People without children don't get busy and stressed out?

It's you that is being the selfish one here.

RangeRider · 07/11/2018 14:53

I'd expect someone with a broken ankle to be okay after they'd got used to the initial issue of reduced mobility. I wouldn't think they'd need a visit or anything other than the odd text. And you can work from home and have no kids and yet still have loads of commitments.
Sorry but I think YABU. You could have rung them if you'd been that bothered. I think you're making it all about you and not realising that they have a life too.

SuperstarDJ · 07/11/2018 14:54

I think you need to get over yourself a bit OP. Surely if you were struggling that much your partner could take some time off work and return home?

Chamomileteaplease · 07/11/2018 14:54

How far away does your friend live and how much contact would you normally have?

And could you use he/she? "They" is annoying to read. Thanks Smile

Original poster
Peaceisbliss · 07/11/2018 14:54

Like I said I'm probably being over sensitive. It's my issue and just feeling a bit low probably. Thank you for replying

OP posts:
BatsAreCool · 07/11/2018 14:54

I think you have definitely killed that friendship and FYI working at home doesn't mean you can't be stressed and certainly doesn't mean they are sitting watching tv and drinking tea.

HollowTalk · 07/11/2018 14:55

Oh come on, everyone! If a close friend had broken her ankle and lower leg I would definitely try to help her! She's not being unreasonable expecting that she would be treated as she'd treat others. It's obvious that it's hard to get about, to buy shopping, to wash, etc. What is a friend, if it's not someone who's there when times are tough?

RangeRider · 07/11/2018 14:55

Think how someone permanently on crutches would have to cope day in day out. Stick a bag round your neck to carry stuff, plug in the kettle as close to the tap as you can, look for ways to make it easier. But don't expect everyone to fall over themselves to fetch and carry 24-7 because it's not practical.

HomeEdMom · 07/11/2018 14:56

YABU, especially for referring to your friend as “them”. Saying “he” or “she” wouldn’t identify the friend

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 07/11/2018 14:57

Yes. You’re being highly sensitive.
A broken leg/ankle is horrible for you but you had local friends helping. I’ve had similar and certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to drop anything and rush to my bedside.

Original poster
Peaceisbliss · 07/11/2018 14:57

My partner is in the armed forces so no its not feasable for them to come home unfortunately. It is she sorry.

OP posts:
purpleline · 07/11/2018 14:59

I don't know why you're getting so much flack OP. My friend broke her ankle and I got on a train to visit. She was struggling to get around her home, feed herself do chores and make tea. Yeah she could have managed but I wanted to help. That's what friends do. I can see why you're disappointed OP. It's your right to let the friendship slide if it's the last straw.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 07/11/2018 15:01

Well if you could it would be nice to help out. But if you genuinely are busy?
Not from an injury but I had to get around on crutches from when I was 7months pg with my second due to pgp. I also had a toddler to look after. It wasn’t easy but I managed. I got our shopping delivered.

RangeRider · 07/11/2018 15:01

If a close friend had broken her ankle and lower leg I would definitely try to help her
For the first few days while they find their feet, but not ongoing. You have to adapt. You online shop instead of driving, you shower instead of having a bath, you stick your washing in a bin bag and throw the whole bag down the stairs instead of carrying it.... It's getting on with it instead of being a victim. You can be a victim for the first few days but then you have to pull yourself together and get on with it.

bunintheoven88 · 07/11/2018 15:01

When you say she had form for being selfish in the past OP, can you give some examples?

It would annoy me too if a friend didn't really seem too bothered I had broken my ankle, but it depends wether she thought you had others around looking after you etc. Also did you make it known you were struggling at the start? She isn't a mind reader.

HomeEdMom · 07/11/2018 15:01

I think you’re feeling extra fragile because of your injury. Your friend was a bit thoughtless but maybe you should have just asked her for help? I understand that it’s nicer to feel that people see you need help without you asking. Flowers

UpstartCrow · 07/11/2018 15:02

Yanbu to expect more from a long term friend. Trying to manage on crutches is a nightmare. You don't need much of an imagination to wonder how you'd get up and down stairs, or manage your shopping or bathing.

Original poster
Peaceisbliss · 07/11/2018 15:05

Thanks. All I really wanted was a quick phone call. But didn't push it. It was today when she didn't even ask how I was doing. Il just let the dust settle

OP posts:
Pinotwoman82 · 07/11/2018 15:07

Oh come on! If a good friend of mine had broken their ankle I would be offering all sorts of help, food shop, washing etc

planechocolate · 07/11/2018 15:07

If my friend broke her ankle and her dp was away in the forces, then I would be round there with a card and flowers and chocolates and alcohol and be making sure she was ok. I'd be offering to help if she needed anything, and I certainly wouldn't ignore her for weeks on end.
You are right to be upset OP.

Pinotwoman82 · 07/11/2018 15:08

Totally agree plane chocolate

madeyemoodysmum · 07/11/2018 15:08

Concern would have been something tho wouldn't it. I agree with you op. I'd be pissed and I would not consider them A close friend again.

TurkeyBear · 07/11/2018 15:08

Erm... OP... put the food on the dining table and prep it there. Make a flask of tea or coffee instead of cups or pots every gew hours. Use a cloth bag on the handle of the crutch to carry stuff about. Get a sink bath with a bigbag over your cast sealed with micropore and clingfilm. Like everyone else does.

You have a broken leg. You're not had it amputated. Hmm

I'd ask if my friends needed painkillers dropping off but that's it. You're being a bit daft tbh.