Friendship is now damaged

[Peaceisbliss]

Hi. I'm a first time poster and would really appreciate opinions from others.
Five weeks ago I had a bad fall which resulted in a broken ankle and lower leg.
I was in hospital for 4 days but due to my partner working overseas I was discharged home alone. It was a bit scary but I sucked it up and managed with local friends popping in. My family live 200 miles away and due to issues I simply said I was coping fine but they have rang everyday.
However my oldest friend of 20 years has I feel let me down. They have been too busy to visit and in 5 weeks I've had a couple of texts. I got a bit upset that they couldn't help when I first came home and it did hurt but I've finally accepted it and just concentrated on staying positive. The thing is I've received a text today like nothing is wrong and they have not even asked how I'm doing..just a film recommendation.
I was a bit shocked and so called them out on it. They have form for selfish behaviour which I've always let slide previously due to length of time I've known them.
The excuse was they have been a bit stressed but surely it only takes 5 mins for a quick phone call. For context they work from home and have no kids so not overwhelmed with commitments.
I'm feeling a bit low after confronting them and don't know if it's me over thinking things? But to be blunt I feel I've seen their true colours and I feel the friendship may be over for me. 20years is such a long time but who treats a friend like that. Especially as I've honestly been there for them whenever needed. Feel like a mug.

Some of these replies are crazy, although as usual there is a minority of posters who seem incapable of reading properly, I mean, how many times does the OP need to say she broke her tib and fib before people get that she hasn't just broken her ankle?

OP, yanbu, your friend is shit.

If some of these posters are making you feel shit, just remember, there are regular threads on here from people who don't understand why they don't have any friends, maybe there's a correlation?!

I don't think people realise how hard everything is when you have an anle out of action. I was on crutches for 2 months and it's amazing how little you can do. For instance I couldn't even use the back door because it was on a spring and there was was 10cm high sill. With two hands on the crutches that didn't leave a hand to hold the door open.

I couldn't even make a cup of coffee and take it back to the sofa because you can't carry anything because you have no hands. In the end I would use a thermos flask so I could put a lid on it and then into a bag that went on my back just to get a cup of coffee from the kitchen to the living room.

Now imagine having to go out to go shopping when you can't even carry a cup of coffee...

OP sounds like you're doing amazing.

Personally I think its really bad that your friend wouldn't come to see you only if you agreed to go to the Christmas market. That would totally be enough for me, shes really shown you who she is, believe her.

I also think your partner should have got special leave from his employer and come home to help you.I don't think its just the friend whos let you down here,its the rest of them as well.

Also, this happened to me too, and as others have said, it sorts the wheat from the chaff. 13 years on for me and the friends that rallied are now my closest friends as I put more effort into those friendships once I realised that they were my true friends. I have no regrets, I now have the type of friendships I could only dream off (dramatic? Moi?!) when I was still hanging with my oldest friends.

Morning all. Thanks again for the many supportive replies. I'm feeling much better today. I'm definitely going to just focus on those friends who are staying in contact and helping out. Il not create a big drama and fall out with other friend but I certainly will not be putting much energy into contact now.
It is a shame my partner cannot be here but without saying too much he is on active duty at the moment and often even a family death is not enough to be granted leave.
That does not upset me as we speak regularly and he is as frustrated as I am. We are getting married next year and I already know what a military wife entails.

What I found very difficult with crutches was getting anywhere. Disabled access is geared towards wheelchairs and it's exhausting when you have to get into places on crutches. Particularly because it's on an upward slope. You often have to hire a wheelchair when going out.

Without a partner at home, this must be really hard. You wouldn't be able to get anywhere because of being unable to drive. My DSis went through this when she broke her ankle; she was divorced and living alone. She ended up staying with friends, and another friend took her dog for walks. I did her washing for her; I would pick up her washing, and bring it back to her when it was clean.

Those of you who are making the unkind comments clearly have no idea what it can be like to have to cope with an injury.

OP I'm so sorry that you are hurt. It must be really difficult to be alone and immobilized like that.
I think that you and your friend have different understandings of your relationship. She sees you as an old friend whom she sees once a month or so for a chat and a social outing. She doesn't see you as a very close friend in the same way you see (saw) her.
She probably didn't step up when you were first injured as she lives an hour away (making even a short visit a half day commitment) and you did have some local help. I don't think that this necessarily makes her a bad person, and you don't really know what's going on in her life/relationship either to be able to make presumptions about her availability.
Take a step (hop) back: would you like the relationship to continue as it was before; occasional outings and fun times? If so, call her back and suggest she visits and see that movie she recommended or do something Christmassy which doesn't involve you on crutches in crowds! If you decide that you don't want that relationship unless it's underpinned by a deeper concern then let it go. You get to choose this one, as she hasn't really changed.
You have my sympathies. Being laid up is awful and even low levels of pain over a long period grind you down. You are probably exhausted. Are the local friends who came around when you were first injured still calling? As you aren't married yet I presume you don't live on base? Even so, you may be able to ask for some help in the short term from one of the wives' groups where your DP is based. I know that the ones local to us do step in where required in cases such as yours, and it may be a good way to make some new 'forces wife' friends.
Previous pp are right in that you can manage is you have to, but don't feel you can't ask for help. If you ask it is much more likely to appear.
Good luck OP

and regarding the Christmas market: if you enjoy it and want to go (with her or a different friend) see if there is a shopmobility nearby. You can register and book in advance and they will show you how to use the equipment. (this is presuming that your break is low enough that your cast does not impact your knee joint).

For context they work from home and have no kids so not overwhelmed with commitments.

What makes you think people with no children have no commitments?

i have very recently found myself in a similar position to yours. Friends and neighbours have been amazing, i couldn't cope without them just now.

Only one of my group of friends hasn't responded to my message about what's happened. I'm not at all surprised, they live in a bubble of their own making and very rarely put themselves out for anybody. When they do eventually make contact I shan't take up any offers of help. it will only have been a gesture and will be more trouble than it's worth.

We all know this is how they operate so we never offer them our assistance. We don't feel at all guilty because we know it's never reciprocated. Ultimately they're the loser.

I only mentioned the commitment part as I know her lifestyle. I did not mean to imply no children equals no commitments. Apologies if that offended anyone.

Actually shopmobility is a damned good idea. I used them when I broke my leg. They hire out mobility scooters for the day (amongst other things) you could still go to that market if you want. It would probably do you good to blow away the cobwebs.

SHOPMOBILITY!!!! For the Xmas markets. Check them out for the nearest city or large town, go in this week and hire a mobility scooter or motorised chair, have a few oractise runs, and then ta daaaaa! You're all set for xmas markets with your nd.

Mind you, try to go either early or towards the evening. I tried Xmas Market when having lunch with friends, nightmare, got stuck, people couldn't see me as I was lower, fell over me, swore at me. It was really really busy. I went again with dh and dd, same year, same place, arrived about 4, much more leisurely, and of course the longer we stayed the less crowded it became until it started filling up again from about 6pm.

Whatever else you do, while you're on crutches check out Shopmobility.

X post! My device took nearly 20 minutes to post,