To feel enraged at my colleagues and their belief that they need to have “first dibs” on young, pretty girls?

[Pillartopostit]

I work in a corporate environment and have had to organise a work/fun related high profile event. Much of my work involves using my own network too so I can market brands, so I have various of my friends coming.

I have two older and more senior colleagues, they are in their 50s. One divorced, the other a widower. Between them they are fat, balding, grey and boring, but they have both identified a friend of mine who is 25 who they want to be set up with. Let’s call her Emma.

Both for some reason are absolutely sure that they are a natural romantic choice for Emma, who is 25, stunning, intelligent and has her whole life ahead of her. Both are emailing me reminding me to re introduce her to them. Both seem to fundamentally believe that they somehow have a right to Emma. Like they are asking themselves, do I want her? Yes. Is she single? Yes. So there is no other conclusion or result other than them getting with Emma. They have not factored into their heads that’s Emma might in fact have a choice.

And I get the feeling that if Emma rejected either of them, they would be completely outraged , angry with her and punish her in some way.

I am completely incensed and filled with rage every time one of them mentions her name to me. I feel like screaming at them and asking them if they’ve looked in the mirror recently? What possesses them to think that they have a right to this poor woman which trumps her own right to a choice?

And who knows maybe Emma will be impressed by them and want to date one of them but that is her choice. They are, after all, powerful white men who earn over £1mm a year.

What if anything can I do about this? Or say about this?

Both for some reason are absolutely sure that they are a natural romantic choice for Emma, who is 25, stunning, intelligent and has her whole life ahead of her

OP, if Emma was a fat, plain, balding, 25-year-old herself, would you have a different opinion to your colleagues taking a proprietorial attitude towards her?

Make sure she brings

"Sorry to burst your bubble guys but Emma is only interested in men in their 20s with their own hair - you are probably better off finding a woman your own age".

As an aside, if men cannot attract a partner of their own age then that speaks volumes about them.

I get what you’re saying op. I would have a professional and personal Facebook account if I were you, keep your personal one locked down. I’d also warn Emma about her Facebook settings and about these two men.

Totally get it OP. Gross entitled behaviour from older men that is annoyingly common.

It’s like they think they can buy her, as if she is a prostitute for them. I get you totally. They could argue over a car like that if there was only one model like it and they both wanted it, but only you knew how to get to it. It’s dehumanising.

Sounds to me as if you have taken on too much of the university style ‘rights’ and all the various issues few people care about. You are in the real world now, men are like this, always have been, always will be.

Many a young woman has her head turned by money - nice house, nice holidays etc.

You need to get on with your job, not worry about other people’s lives

Ah OP. Is your name Jane Austen btw? Very poor effort.

@Gaspodethetalkingdog It's this attitude of 'they'll always be like this, nothing to do with us' which assists this type of behaviour to continue. You are aware surely that many millions of women do care about this attitude, the entitled attitude of men towards women is NOT an issue that 'few people care about' and accepting it is one way we ensure it continues and escalates.

Reading this made me feel uneasy and uncomfortable, and I have never been sexually abused or raped so God knows how other less fortunate people feel about it.

I have had guys say things like ‘oh if only you were single ey’ im like oh right, cos my boyfriend is the only thing stopping me from jumping on you right now

You are in the real world now, men are like this, always have been, always will be.

That doesn't mean that op has to enable their sleazy habits.

I’d tell Emma not to go to the event. Why would your friend go to your works event anyway?

Wondered why you have not had a chat with Emma, and told her what is going on.
Rather than the out rage at the men.
She does have free choice...

You can't make decisions on Emmas behalf.You have made assumptions in the same way they have!

Vile old goats.

Do you work for Topshop?

It's this attitude of 'they'll always be like this, nothing to do with us' which assists this type of behaviour to continue.

Absolutely, Season.

I work in a very respectful, inclusive (some would say PC) environment. This behaviour would be totally unacceptable, and no matter how senior they are, they would be called out on it.

I Wonder if you are a tiny bit envious that they consider her share share.isnt the term ' cockblocking'?

Not share share , so attractive - stoopid phone!

Gaspodethetalkingdog wow, how did you get the time machine from 1954?

Would you be so outraged if Emma was in late 40s, on a chubby side, with three children and a bit dim?

If Emma was late 40s and chubby, then she'd be completely invisible to these men. She wouldn't even be up for discussion or have even registered on their radar. The point is that she IS young and attractive, and therefore fair game in their eyes.

Up to Emma what happens next, surely? At least credit her with a mind of her own!

I do think this is wrong. For those saying would OP be disgusted if the men were young and hot, I would be and have been.

As a 17 year old working in a shop there were a group of objectively attractive early 20 something guys in my department who would objectify the woman at work, rate them and talk about what they would do to them, “banter” etc. I didn’t hear where I came in and didn’t remotely care, but no doubt my obvious disgust for their behaviour was taken as jealousy. One of them then dated a 16 year old and openly pressured her into sex and had bets about how long it would take, then dumped her when she didn’t cave to the pressure. Others used the fact that women fancied them to have one night stands then didn’t talk to the women after. There were lots of rumours spread about women as well. And yes there was the general attitude they could “have” whoever they wanted. Looking back it actually makes me feel sick.

I also get you OP. Many many times in my career have I come across men like this. They are so deluded about themselves and very very unused to people saying "no" to them. They believe that because they are rich and powerful they can literally have (buy?) whatever they want. And that includes women.

25, intelligent, etc. I'm sure she will cope and doesn't need you to worry for her.
As for your colleagues I would say something like "yes I'll introduce you, you'll remind her of her dad I expect" or similar.