To feel enraged at my colleagues and their belief that they need to have “first dibs” on young, pretty girls?

[Pillartopostit]

I work in a corporate environment and have had to organise a work/fun related high profile event. Much of my work involves using my own network too so I can market brands, so I have various of my friends coming.

I have two older and more senior colleagues, they are in their 50s. One divorced, the other a widower. Between them they are fat, balding, grey and boring, but they have both identified a friend of mine who is 25 who they want to be set up with. Let’s call her Emma.

Both for some reason are absolutely sure that they are a natural romantic choice for Emma, who is 25, stunning, intelligent and has her whole life ahead of her. Both are emailing me reminding me to re introduce her to them. Both seem to fundamentally believe that they somehow have a right to Emma. Like they are asking themselves, do I want her? Yes. Is she single? Yes. So there is no other conclusion or result other than them getting with Emma. They have not factored into their heads that’s Emma might in fact have a choice.

And I get the feeling that if Emma rejected either of them, they would be completely outraged , angry with her and punish her in some way.

I am completely incensed and filled with rage every time one of them mentions her name to me. I feel like screaming at them and asking them if they’ve looked in the mirror recently? What possesses them to think that they have a right to this poor woman which trumps her own right to a choice?

And who knows maybe Emma will be impressed by them and want to date one of them but that is her choice. They are, after all, powerful white men who earn over £1mm a year.

What if anything can I do about this? Or say about this?

I'd have laughed in their faces from the start. That would have shown them how the land lies.

Introductions my arse.

Piss off Granddad!

I do understand where you're coming from OP, 3 male friends of mine had that attitude to my friends. "I would" was a common comment from them followed by sniggering, used to turn my stomach, but as a pp says just tell them "in your dreams you've got no chance" 😂

I got immense satisfaction when my best friend barely glanced at my aging male mates and went off to talk to someone more her age

Why not just reply to one of their emails " You sad old bald fat cunt"?
Or "I am not a pimp - get a life"
Or " Stop this right now. It is inappropriate and offensive."

I'd warn Emma too - she might be OK with it - her choice - but forewarned is forearmed.

I get you OP. I don't know why some posters are wanging on about marriage and banns as this is obviously not what these men are interested in.

It's the treating of women as chattel and trying to make you complicit, facilitating this as if you're offering some kind of 'service' yourself. Grim.

Practice your best raised eyebrow/bad smell under your nostril and tell them to do their own dirty work, you're making no introductions as you want to keep this friend not have her think that you'd taken leave of your senses.

lyinwitchinthewardrobe

This is exactly what I feel. Thank you

Definitely feel your rage re this. I get angry when men twice my age try to chat me up- it reeks of gendered socialisation...can't see myself chatting up thirty-somethings when I'm nearing retirement. This is what happens when Hollywood is allowed to flog us the story that men along the lines of Bruce Willis are an appropriate match for women along the lines of Jennifer Lawrence. So I'm probably a suitable match for Steve Buscemi at best. Thanks but no thanks ; I'll probably just go ahead and be gay

"Nice girl - you should see her boyfriend - he a boxer, big guy muscles like you wouldn't believe, his brother is a lawyer, very successful apparently he's in employment law...."

Its an insulting attitude that the only relevant facts are that 'they would', and therefore an intro is all that's required.

I would tell my friend they've been perving her pages and photos. I never did understand ppl posting photos to the world for any old sicko
I would also be immediately shocked to them at their arrogant assumption,her being half their age

I see where you're coming from OP, it's the arrogance of their assumption that she'll automatically want them because of 'who they are' I.e their perceived status.

I hope she rejects them!

I used to work in a male dominated industry OP and totally understand where you are coming from. Women were discussed and "owned" by the men all the time. There was no doubt in their minds that the objects of their desire might not be interested in them ever - even though most of them were knocked back time after time after time. I don't think you should say anything to your colleagues but perhaps give Emma the heads up.

It’s hardly unknown for older, wealthy, successful, high-status men to have relationships with much younger, very attractive women. Both parties can have their needs & wants met by the other.

Does that make him a sleazy, predatory old sexIst? Does it make her a shallow gold-digger?

Who am I to judge?

You don't have to introduce them OP, but the chances are they'll meet at a future event. What will you say to Emma if she asks you why you didn't tell her they wanted to get in touch?

I'd be more pissed off that they were 'trolling' on my FB page looking at my friends! Have you blocked them yet?

I'm assuming that Emma is going to be encountering them at this work function? If so, I'd just tell them that you don't do 'set ups' for your friends and that if they want to meet her, they'll need to do so at the work function on their own. Then warn Emma if you want to. But I'm sure she's perfectly able to put them in their places if need be.

One thing.....would you be as mortally offended if these men were, oh, 30-35 and showed the same 'I'll have her' attitude? Because you should be. Their age is irrelevant (other than there's no fool like an old fool). Their attitude is disgusting whether they're old or young.

I would absolutely tell her their intentions. The sleaze-bags.
No, I definitely wouldn't introduce them, and I'd tell them I wouldn't as well

Women were discussed and "owned" by the men all the time

But don't groups of women do this as well?

No. I dont assume men would want to get with me! Do you then?

I bet if she turned them down they'd call her a lesbian

Purplehammer?

Why are you so upset about it? Presumably you have told them you are not introducing them and to stop behaving so childishly?

And what are you going to do if they do introduce themselves to Emma and Emma quite fancies one (or both) of them? Tell her she's disgusting for fancying a fat, old, bald man, or accuse her of flirting/dating one of them because they are rich?

Ask them to stop emailing you, tell them to grow up and then just ignore them. Presumably Emma, at 25, is perfectly capable of dealing with them herself if they were even brave enough to approach her.

I completely get you OP

I have encountered men at my old place of work literally having bets over email at who would get to take the young attractive temp out for drinks. Like she'd definitely say yes to one of them. Comments like 'I'd smash her back doors in' and other banter like 'send her a pic of your dick, Kieran, she'll be begging you for it', planning what sexual positions they would use if and when she goes on said dates. Getting co workers to 'persuade' temp to give lad a go. Getting temps phone number off an email and texting her.

But it's ok, its just banter and we all need to just stop over reacting. Or maybe we're just jealous?!

Also meant to add the best way to deal with this is just disengage. Just tell them to approach Emma themselves at the event and talk to her. They won't be so sure of themselves then, let me tell you.

I've seen this and been in this scenario
too. It's the unquestioning assumption, arrogance and treating women like objects that is so vile.
I did a combination of warning my Emma, reacting like it was a REALLLY distasteful idea and fairly loudly expressing my disgust to as many other women in the office as I possibly could.

I think you are over reacting, they are probsbly joking.

I bet you wouldnt give a shit if it was (an unmarried) george clooney and brad pitt wanting to meet your friend