To want to go to PILs earlier xmas eve

[Lala2989]

So every year since me and my other half have been together (2013) we spend xmas eve at his parents, this tends to be from around 6pm-midnight as I work in retail and don't normally get xmas eve off, except this year as I'm on mat leave with baby number 2, and Christmas Day at my parents house.

This has always worked fine, he is Portuguese, and apparently their xmas eve has always been the bigger thing, and I've never spent a Christmas Day away from my parents and brothers in all my 29yrs.

However, this year, I am on maternity leave and we now have a 2yr7month old boy and a 10 week old girl.

They live in central London, about a 1.5-2hr drive from us (on xmas eve anyway), and I have asked my other half if it would be ok to do xmas eve earlier at his parents so we can get back early enough for my DS to still be awake to do a plate for for Santa & his reindeer, have his xmas eve box, put his stocking out, and so we can all sit on the sofa and watch a xmas movie until DS falls asleep.

Side note; DS is supposed to be leaving his dummies out for Santa to take in exchange for extra presents with the plate. He knows who Santa is from pictures and the telly etc...

His mum is now saying she won't be home from work until 830pm, she's never worked xmas eve before and is saying that it shouldnt make any difference because we don't get there until late anyway, which she knows is because I work usually and she obviously knows I'm not working this year.

We always have xmas day morning & breakfast at our own home, something I'm keen to not change, and go to my mum & dads for xmas lunch and generally come home late at night since having the babies.

I feel like we should be able to start our own traditions as a family of four now we have a child that is starting to get the fun & magic of Christmas. I loved xmas eve as a kid and really wanted to be able to have that fun again with my kids.

His brother, sister in law and their three kids moved to Cyprus so PIL will be on their own if we don't go, hence asking if we can do it earlier rather than not at all. I'm not that mean that I'd want them to spend xmas on their own, but at the same time xmas is for kids and they are adults.

I have also suggested we spend Boxing Day there instead but mil is digging her heels in and partner would rather upset me than his mum so it seems.

AIBU?

YANBU - I would not be staying out that late with two little ones on Xmas Eve. Plenty of grandparents who consider Xmas Day the main day compromise and see their grandchildren another day.
Surprised by a lot of the responses on the first page.

2 young children makes wanting to be at home at an earlier time completely reasonable. I cannot think of anything worse than having a 2 year old and 10 week old out till midnight on Xmas eve. It's not even about tradition etc I'm all for including everyone's traditions but surely you want to relax and put your kids to bed and enjoy a cheeky drink!

If they were round the corner, fine, but having to put a new baby in a car seat for hours is crap, as is mil choosing to work Christmas Eve. Sorry, she’s bank staff, she coulda said no and as a pp said, I bet she could have done Christmas Day instead.

I doubt your fiancé will stick to his 9.30 at the latest, OP, especially when his mum complains that she’s only seen the children for an hour.

OP not sure why you have taken such a pasting on here
YANBU at all

If your MIL was that bothered then she wouldn't work Christmas Eve. I think all the Santa plate stuff is a seperate issue tbh, it's the late night and travelling so late that would bother me. Plus the impact it will have on the following day.
I would not be willing to do it with very your children and I agree that their needs come first.

There's no way my dc would be out at 1 am on Christmas Eve. On another thread if someone posted they didn't want to go for a family meal with their dc in the evening as they know they'll be tired and bored and hard work the next day they'd be told not to go. Why is this any different. She doesn't want to drag her kids around at that time of night. There's no way my dc would be up for eating at opening presents at that time of night. It's ridiculous.

I someone who believes that traditions grow and develop naturally, rather than being created. Certainly, this is what has happened on our family. DH and I celebrated in a particular way before dcs, then, once they arrived and then grew, our traditions grew with them and, ever so subtly, changed to reflect the changes in the family. And now they are adults and have partners and in one case, their own dcs, the traditions are, again, changing.

Regardless of other considerations, I would not be happy taking your baby for such a long journey in a car seat - I thought guidelines currently suggest around 30 minutes maximum for such a young baby?

You can have time to yourselves any time, eg the weekend after Christmas & you could 'do' Christmas just for you and the kids then.

You can have time to yourselves any time, eg the weekend after Christmas & you could 'do' Christmas just for you and the kids then

ooh Yes... let's just MOVE Christmas day for our own small kids.. just to please everyone else..

Why would you or anyone of your family think it was sensible to keep two children up that late? that’s pretty mean to the children imo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry but absolutely not!
Two kids under three? No way.
have them come to you for Christmas day breakfast. If she has committed to work over a month ahead she can easily tell them it won't work now.
Surely it's the sentiment not the actual day that is important. Could it be the 23rd or something?

YANBU, although as others have said you can't have it all your own way. I think you should have Christmas at home - the whole thing.