Aibu wedding

[Shortcake28]

Im organising my wedding in Spain I'm the first one to get married in 35 years in the family and I can't help but be disappointed and the amount of declines I'm getting from invites at this rate there will be less than 20 people there !

I've had so many people say they are coming for the past year then when I sent out the invites they have declined I get that it's a lot to ask and not everyone can afford it but I know a lot of people can but their reasons are poor for example they can't find an outfit or they don't have anyone to mind their cat . I can't help thinking it's personal and if it was someone else they would go. It's really affecting my relationship with them.
I'm also stressing about it in general I'm quite shy when it comes to dancing in front of people and can't help but dread it is it normal to feel this way

Along with the obvious cost a huge factor for me would be using up annual leave. I'm lucky I get nearly 8 weeks holiday a year and even I would grudge using it for a wedding.

That said I do think the not being able to find an outfit excuse really poor

We had a destination wedding, was pleasantly surprised that 20 of our family and friends made it.

We then had a huge party on our return. Booked a large function room with a bar at a local council run sport centre so costs were low, they provided catering and DJ and there was no corkage charge for the cava we bought for toasts. We also showed our wedding video at the start of the evening.

Might be worth you doing something similar as a compromise?

When you say "childcare isn't an issue", do you mean it's abroad AND child free?

YABU, maybe offer to pay for the flights for your nearest and dearest or cancel and have a wedding at home so everyone can attend.

People get married abroad because it's cheaper than getting married at home. Except actually the costs get passed on to your guests so it's much much more expensive for them. I don't go abroad for weddings now after having essentially a 3 day summer holiday in the middle of nowhere that cost as much as a week somewhere nice.

Destination weddings are great in theory, and indeed when you are told about them. However when you go to book your flights/hotel it does not seem such a good idea financially. Many people only book when they get the actual invite rather the save the date/you are going to be invited chat/phonecall/email.

The excuse like "I cannot find an outfit" actually means I cannot afford to go but do not want to say.

How can anyone be so self centred to get upset when people can't come to their wedding abroad?

The only destination weddings I've come across have been when it's been planned as small and private. In one case, the couple, siblings and parents all went on holiday for a week, had the wedding, then the families flew home and left the couple to have another week as honeymoon. In the other, the couple got married at sunset in San Diego with a couple of locals as witnesses. No big fuss at all. I don't see the point of duplicating a home wedding abroad as people are just not going to go.

The replies on here are a bit harsh. It’s ok to feel a bit disappointed. However on the day, when the sun is shining and the guests you have invited are smiling and full of good will, you won’t miss those other guys.

So don't dance in front of everyone . This dance thing is pretty recent and you can do what you want

I got married abroad, only both sets of parents attended then we had a huge reception when we got home.. everyone came to that, could watch the video, and I got to wear my dress again! Was fab!

glitterelf leave Brexit out of it.
OP you make your choices, some go abroad to marry especially to lower the headcount. It asks a lot to expect people to go abroad for a wedding so be realistic. Weddings are enormously expensive and inconvenient for many guests. They undoubtedly wish you well but don't have to be there on the day. The only destination wedding I would ever go to was a son who was living abroad. This was your choice so you just have to realise the score

It’s a tricky one. Your wedding is important to you, but not necessarily to other people, aside from your parents perhaps?
I’ve been to 2 different overseas weddings as we incorporated them both into longer holidays. One was within 4 hours flight time, the other was 12 hours away. We went because we genuinely loved both couples but it’s a big ask and in both cases, it was before having DC.
If asked to go abroad now, the chances are we’d make an excuse as we don’t want to tie up (family holiday) time with attending a wedding.

@Confusedbeetle

Brexit may well be a factor for some, why are you dismissing it out of hand? There is massive uncertainty about foreign travel next year especially to the EU!

People usually have enough annual leave and money for one holiday a year (if they’re lucky) why should they spend that on your wedding?
I’ve declined two destinations weddings in recent years (ok, a bit more far flung in LA and Hawaii) for this reason

Yabu. I have enough money and holiday leave to go abroad but I would be very picky about spending that on a friends wedding do. If you want more attendees then I suggest you pay for flights and accommodation.

Also, if you’re that shy you’re worried about the dance, you probably won’t like the attention being solely on you for the whole event. Why didn’t you just have a scaled back wedding at a local registry office and reception in a nice pub?

You're being unreasonable. It's your wedding. Not theirs. Harsh reality is that you're the only one who is invested in it. It's about you. If you decide to get married, why should I give up my leave and pay to watch you? Weddings turn usually rational people into self centred idiots.

If you want to celebrate with everyone hold a party on your return at a convenient location on a Saturday and invite the children. If you still get a similar number of declines then there is possibly more to this than we have been told.

I see destination weddings as way of passing the cost of your wedding onto your guests. It may.not always be the case but frequently it is. And it’s also often midweek. And no children. So all in all, not awfully convenient.

Destination weddings are lovely but expensive. Some people might have the money but can't take leave from work or can't manage to take the time away at the time you picked. Your wedding will still be lovely, it will be. Enjoy the day you have and the two most important people will be there. Have you thought about maybe skyping the folk in to wish you well during the reception? Just a thought.

Is you or your partner Spanish?

Presuming not

In which case, seems a shame that first family wedding in 30 odd years and you decide to take it abroad

I see destination weddings as a sort of elopement. You are doing it abroad because you don't want anybody to attend.

Don’t get too stressed OP.

Like many people said already, overseas weddings are expensive, and with kids etc it gets worse- not everybody can afford it or are willing to give up their summer holiday for it..
I get that it’s hard not to take it personally ( we got married abroad too, in my home country and my dh family largely declined invites) and it did sting a little... but you just gotta reins yourself that everybody’s financial situation is different and it is quite a big ask. Also, tbh when you’re there having the time of your life, with the people who did make the effort to go, you’re not really going to miss the ones who didn’t!!

It's not just the cost. I have limited holiday from work. I utilise that time off to do what I want. Yes, that usually involves travel, but it's travel of my choice. Personally I'd rather spend 1k going where I want, doing what I want over spending 1k going abroad to a one day event.

Everyone is different and I understand why many wouldn't go. I'd struggle unless it was one of my children.

It could be worse - the wedding could be in Maui. 🌴