Have I been overly harsh on DD?

[Toebeans]

DD 15 has ruined her bedroom carpet with make up. She has asked for new bedroom furniture for Xmas - she would have liked new carpet too but I refused as she will not stop allowing make up brushes, mascara, eye pencils etc from falling on to her carpet where they stay and soak into the carpet.

In order to clear her room of the old furniture it’s been taken into our spare room where I have recently had a NEW carpet. All her make up has been put in the spare room on her old furniture whilst we await the delivery of the new furniture.

This morning I walked in the spare room to find a brow brush caked in brown stuff on the carpet with two large marks on the carpet where it fell or was pressed in.

I went completely ballistic and swept all DD’s makeup off the dressing table into the drawers and taped them up so the make up is now out of bounds until the new furniture comes and is installed in her room. She can only have it back then as if she wants to wreck carpets she can sodding well wreck her own already stained carpets. This will mean around 3 weeks with no make up.

She’s stayed in bed feeling sorry for herself all day but I’ve ignored her - she’s been warned repeatedly about leaving makeup everywhere and the fact she has no respect for the house. This is not the only thing she does, she will drip overfull cups of coffee everywhere, leave dirty wipes over her bed, handprints up her walls - basically no respect for anything.

Have I been unreasonable?

Have to say I am genuinely shocked at the number of people who think removing a 15 year old's make up is too harsh. And yes I do have a DD. She is in her 20s now but at 15 make up wasn't an every day thing. Apart from anything else the school didn't allow it.

Obviously it is a big deal to the OP's DD but I still think her actions are entirely fair.

YANBU. She clearly needs to learn to respect your home.

We’ve told her over and over again about being careful but she just drops things whenever and wherever. Food wrappers, dirty underwear, she’ll have mucky hands and just touch walls and doors, walk muck in on her shoes - she either just doesn’t care or actually has some sort of disorder. Nothing works - she’s just oblivious to it all.

This sounds a LOT like DSD (14) at the moment. This plus endless attitude and screeching when she doesn't get her way, plus refusing to go in the bath/shower. Very very bad few months we have had, however she was used to getting her own way constantly at her mums so we knew it would be quite difficult getting her used to actually being well behaved.

Whether she is naturally messy or not it doesn’t mean she can just keep leaving everything a tip! She has to put the effort in.

Possible dyspraxia given her lack of spatial awareness? Still, no excuse for leaving stuff on the floor etc.

I totally agree with your sanction, OP. She needs this. I’d be tempted to remove her carpet, give her cheapo laminate, at least you can clean it easily. No food/drinks upstairs, or in the lounge if she doesn’t pay attention to where she drops stuff. Be strict, you’re NOT her best friend, you’re her mother.

Also - she needs to learn how to clean up after herself. Stain removers, hot soapy water, scrubbing the floor, learning to brush the carpet pile back into place before it dries oddly, etc. If she doesn't already know how to properly clean these things up then she needs showing then she needs to actually do it.

Pretty much all makeup will come out of carpets unless you're talking a cream pure wool carpet, (which will give up stains but the actual carpet doesn't like being scrubbed/water cleaned, so it can go frizzy-looking).

I was frightened of my mum as well growing up so although I made a lot of mess, I got really good at cleaning it up. I have experimented with bleach, nail varnish remover (not for nail varnish!), white spirit, bio washing powder and all sorts to get marks out of household items.

I once spray-painted some large sheets of card for an art project on our original tiled hall floor. Didn't bother putting newspaper down first. . I was thrilled with the spray results but when I moved them, quite obviously, there was large spray paint (this was car spray paint not even artist!) marks around where the cards had been lying.

Panic? I should think so! Fortunately Mum was out all evening so I had a long time to get that off the floor and boy, I needed it. It did come off eventually.

Had she found me scrubbing it off she'd have gone just as mad as if I'd left it. I still scrubbed it off. Weird, huh.

Anyway now it would be a cold day in infinity before I'd spray paint anything even near the house let alone without protective sheeting down.

My 15 yo wears a little foundation & lip gloss, that’s it. I’m slightly shocked that we’re talking full on eye brow pencils etc!
In order to fuck up a carpet, that’s a lot of make up isn’t it?
Sorry, back to the point, dd needs to show a bit more respect for the house. It’s like anything isn’t it, consequences!

I think this is totally fair and her skin will thank you too. Only break I would allow was if she had a big event such as a ball or Christmas party to go to. She will live. If she really needs it she will by more and use in secret (away from the house - still a win!)

Toebeans how you've just described your DD the standing in the way and not realizing she's in the way that is exactly what our 15 year old DD is like(the one being seen about asd),she used to have sensory issues as well and outgrew those and she hasn't struggled at school.

She also sounds like an Elephant coming down the stairs although there's nothing to her she's just very heavy footed.

I know the mess is really frustrating,like I said in my PP we have 5DC and 2 of our DC are disabled but knowing that our DD isn't doing these things on purpose does help.

Totally reasonable! My two year old cleans up his own mess, if he spills juice he will get a paper towel and wipe it straight away! If shes old enough to apply makeup, she's old enough to be more careful, responsible and considerate!

FFS give her a break. Carpets can be cleaned you know.

Not all make up comes out of carpets, and she'd been warned, again and again, and ruined a brand new carpet, so no, I don't think OP needs to give her a break.

OP you're not being unreasonable and I don't blame you for going off like a banshee. I'd have done the same. Stick to your guns - and I hope the tape doesn't mark the new furniture!

@boopsy she's 15 ! Her mum can take her stuff because she is 15 and her mum probably paid for it, it's called discipline!

Hi op I feel your frustration! In the end I opted for good quality laminate flooring in the bedrooms because I was sick to death of constantly cleaning carpets and worrying about having to replace them every few years

I’m shocked that she’s making such a mess too! I have worn makeup since her age, and these days I am comfortable wearing a full face - I have never created such a mess! I’d make a mess as in clothes/products/stuff everywhere and not in their correct place, but not by getting actual makeup stains everywhere.

I could understand if she spilt a pot of glitter/pigments, a loose powder, or eye pencil sharpenings which smeared when stepped on, but how does a powder brush dropped on the floor decant that much product to ruin a carpet? Or a brow pencil? Genuinely so confused, I have a lot of makeup and have never experienced this...

A carpet would surely pad the fall of an item vs a hard floor, so the impact when the item hits the floor won’t be that strong. So a blusher brush would not leave a massive pink streak on the carpet, it wouldn’t really leave much of a mark at all. A brow pencil would leave as much as a mark as a stationary pencil. Either someone’s exaggerating or she’s making a mess on purpose

Just tell her she can only put on make up in the bathroom and make her clean up.any mess afterwards. She can't ruin anything in the bathroom by dropping make up on it.

Yanbu at all, the only thing i would relent on is foundation.
I had bad skin as a teenager, i would not leave the house without it.

She will probably buy more makeup and find somewhere outside the house to put it on and remove it after school if she is that fixated on wearing it daily, but at least the process of doing all that will inconvenience her and waste some of her money.

Stick to your guns. You are not being too harsh.

In the country where I live, teenagers are not allowed to wear makeup to school unless there is a medical reason, like covering a scar. Quite surprised they allow it in the UK.

If she usually wears makeup for school then it is a very cruel humiliating punishment indeed for a 15 share old. Why not shav e her head too?

it is a very cruel humiliating punishment indeed for a 15 share old. Why not shav e her head too?

Oh my God. I think I've heard it all now.

Yep. Not allowing makeup for a limited period of time is obviously exactly the same as shaving someone's head.

As another poster said, I think I'm beginning to see why there is a crisis in teacher recruitment. How exactly are you supposed to punish someone without making them feel slightly bad for a while? The OP has tried being nice and asking her daughter to shape up and respect her living environment and it is not working.

Maybe I’m confused but it doesn’t sound like she intentionally does it? It’s obviously accidental

Yanbu at all this would drive me demented after all the warnings. My DS n dd1 11 & 9 cause me to flip my lid at times at the sheer thoughtlessness re. The mess they make. Eating sweets n just dropping lots of wrappers at their feet n then going off to bed with muggins left clearing them up. I'd be furious with stains on brand new carpet n not an attempt to clean up at the time. Its the whole no respect thing you are not her best friend & Shes 15 not a toddler! Stick it out.

You knew she had form for this and still went ahead and put her make up in a target rich environment?

Wow. I am amazed at how many posters are saying that they would have been bereft without their make up at 15. None of my girls wore make up at that age unless they were going to a party or something, and even then it was just mascara and lip gloss. Maybe its because their school has a no make-up policy. I don't think you are being harsh at all op.

Bingo! 51 minutes in and it’s queried whether she has been tested for ‘issues’. 🙄

I think it's a little harsh. A hold on the new furniture or instructing her to vanish the carpet maybe, but I wouldn't have taken the make up away. Make her use it in the bathroom from now on.

“It’s obviously accidental” well yes, then she needs to be more careful, doesn’t she? And she’s been told this repeatedly and hasn’t been. So now shock horror she’s being punished for it. I am amazed that so many people would seemingly let a teenage trash their house because it was an accident.