To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

zeeboo

Great post thanks. I think you're right and it won't stop there she will carry on asking for stuff like hot tubs as everyone has them apparently and it's so unfair we only have 1 bathroom.
When we lived in the 3 bed house it had 2 sitting rooms and 2 seperate staircases but still only 1 bathroom!

laura like I said you should read threads properly before you post. Op keeps having to repeat herself over and over again.

She wants the double room with a double bed in it to herself.

Well now she is being unreasonable. ☹️

I do have a child and currently rent a three bed house so when I have my next my son won't have to share as he's 6 already I personally think that's to big an age gap but he's had his own room and slept in it since two also is autistic so doesn't do well with change. I also didn't realise you shared a room for so long aswell with your kids so she should be fine.

I have not read the full thread, sorry if this has been repeated! Some people are living on cloud cookoo!!
1, sleep on a sofa bed.
2, convert the garage
3, convert the loft
4, build a extension.
5, move.

Yes because I'm sure OP has pots of money lying around. I don't think your daughter is being unreasonable but you will have to explain that at this moment in time she will have to share and in life just because we want it doesn't mean we get it.....my mum's favourite saying to me when I was growing up was "I want never gets" she's a teenager if it wasn't this she was moaning about it would be something else.

Pretty little liars is a typical american programme. Each child has a massive bedroom, en suite; big wardrobe, dresser, music, tv etc. They also live in fancy big houses. Remind your daughter it is a tv set. It doesn't really exist. There is no wall. The bits we don't see is where the camera sits.

Also spoiler alert - the girls get their comeuppance at the end of the season.

I wouldn't be disappointed with your dd. All kids compare and tend to wish they had what they see their friends have. But they all have to learn to except limits and be grateful for what they have. Maybe you could make her work out how many hours she would have to work in a job she can relate to (e.g. shop assistant at her favourite shop, or as a teacher) to earn the rent or mortgage for your house, plus bills, after tax. Never feel guilty that you don't offer her enough. Whatever she had as a child, she would be tempted to want more. My dd has some serious wealthy friends and I get to hear: why don't we live in a mansion/have our own studd/our own helicopter?

I find the "Rich House, Poor House" programmes on Channel 5 (on their player too, I believe) good to watch and discuss with teens. Gives an appreciation of different incomes and standards of living.

NellyBarney

Own helicopter 😂
So funny

leafgrass

Yes very good point, that would be a good one to watch, both sides at each end of the spectrum. I already know she has no idea about money, she wanted some posh pancake once when we were out it was £10
I was like wahhhh a £10 I have to work a whole hour for that you know.

Booie09

Yes my mum used to say that too. I truly believe that too, firstly it was about the bedroom sharing, now it's the double bed then onto the only 1 bathroom comment.

I have not read the full thread.

But why cant op and 3yo go in the double and the 13yr old go in the single?

I have not read the full thread
But why cant op and 3yo go in the double and the 13yr old go in the single?

If you had read the thread, or even just the OP’s posts, you’d see this has been addressed multiple times. In fact probably more than 20 times.

. I've asked my daughter if she wants single room to herself she said no. She wants the double room with a double bed in it to herself.
Ah ok well in that case she is being spoilt.
You give the choice. Your room with single bed or her room abd she shares. That's it. She says no? She can't complain.

soy eh yes I see that now. I didnt have time to trawl through 33 pages... ta.

Hi pompom42,

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Not exactly with the room sharing situation but with the nothing is good enough attitude. My DS 12 has a few friends whose families are very well off which results in constant 'but so and so has one 'why can I not get that. He wants a £500 mountain bike for Xmas as it's the same model that a few of his friends have. We have explained to him that this simply won't be happening as if we spent £500 on him then we need to spend the same on his brother (8) and we do not have £1000 to spend on just there Xmas presents. I even showed him my payslip from my p/t job so he could see what I take home each month & my OH did the same along with giving him a break down of all outgoings. This still hasn't made him understand! He is now asking why my OH doesn't try & get a job working away for weeks at a time as some of his friends dad's do so we have more money. When asked 'Wouldn't you rather see your dad every night & him to be there to watch your football matches every week instead of a expensive bike?' The answer was a point blank 'No'. The thing is I think at the age they are at they just don't understand & it wouldn't matter what they had or didn't have it still wouldn't be good enough, this is certainly how I feel with my DS. My way of dealing with it is to just keep explaining to him why he can't have everything & what our situation is, I can't do any more than that. One day he will realise. I truly believe your daughter will be the same one day she will realise but for now I would just stand your ground. I would maybe suggest in a few years say when the ages are 16 & 6 ditching the bunk beds & dividing the room in some way? Untill then I would carry on as you are, keep your head high- you are doing your best xx

I think she will very quickly change her mind about the room at the front of the house. As soon as she realises it would mean she was able to sneak out the window, to meet her friends, after bedtime without op knowing or sneak her boyfriend in .

I don’t get why people do post when they haven’t read threads...😂 you know what you’ll say has been said about 100 times unless it’s an outrageous suggestion.

Any post that starts with “I haven’t read the thread but...” should be null and void as it will be a mute point.

Op how’s it going today? Does she want a pony yet? I’m dreading this age when mine gets there.

If the OP does skimp and save on everything (moves to a less nice area, no or only bargain-basement holidays, fewer nice things like ballet lessons) in order to afford a house with a sizeable room for her daughter, the daughter will just be moaning about, why can't we live in a nicer area, how come we don't have trips to Disneyworld like my friends, I want to start ballet again etc.

I'm sure she's a nice girl but teenagers can be self-centered and may need some help to understand financial realities and tradeoffs. The OP is doing her best here.

I think to some extent it is personality or peer influences . My elder children tended to ask fir things and it could get out of hand while my youngest doesn't ask for anything even though his friends are very affluent

TV programmes don’t help, I remember when I was a teenager I desperately wanted to live at South Fork! Still do come to think of it........

poppylizzyrose Wow you have read all 800+ replies..

Booie09 many of us HAVE read through 800+ replies, or at least skimmed them, rather than seeing there's all these replies and gone straight to the end and given our pearls of wisdom that obviously nobody else could have thought of .

Booie, why would people not have read the whole thread?

I don't get why people reply unless they have read the whole thing. Just plain silly and pointless

Booie, I can safely say I have read every page yeah. I don’t know why this is unusual...it’s not like reading a good novel but surely it’s what you do before posting? So you don’t say anything that’s been said? So many people clearly didn’t read the thread as the same suggestions popped up on every page.

Wouldn’t be surprised if the op has given up, having to explain the same things over and over again.