To think daughter is ungrateful/expects too much

[Pompom42]

Have a teenage daughter she's 13.
She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister. The younger sister is 3 but isn't really sleeping in there atm she still sleeps in my room with me.
We have a 2 bed bungalow which is not tiny but not large either. But we are all on the one floor so I appreciate we do get in each other's way at times.
Just recently she keeps saying to me "wish I didn't have to share a room with my sister".
Whilst it isn't ideal as I said youngest isn't sleeping in there. It's a nice room and was all decorated and new beds etc 2 years ago.
Now she's started saying "this house is tiny, when can we move?"
"All my friends houses are bigger, this house is really really tiny compared to theres"
I've said to her tonight I can't afford anything else. We live in a naice area and at the time it was this house or nothing. We have a drive and a garden and it's in a pretty village.
For some reason it's made me feel really upset. AIBU in thinking she's spoilt? Or is this normal teenage behaviour?
What about years ago when you had families of 6 children all living in a 3 bed house.
What can I say to her?

HI there it’s tough being a teenager and it sounds you have a lovely home it’s probably just a bit about needing own space somewhere to relax with friends or quiet space to do homework - my daughter was incredibly stressed re needing peace and quiet to do that so just a suggestion perhaps you could put up a small shed in the garden for her with some nice bean bags etc as a space for her to do homework and or hang out with friend granted bit cold at the moment but it might just give her the space she needs and will work for your other daughter as she gets older if possible maybe one of those sheds with two doors so they have half each with a partion wall and bless her your younger girl may be interested in your older girls bits and bobs so maybe a high shelf in the bedroom x hope that helps

Siblings sharing rooms has gone on for years, I shared, my husband shared, many people I know shared. We all survived.

There sometimes seems to be an expectation now that kids must have a bedroom each, we must have an ensuite, we must have a drive etc. Its just nonsense.

OP yes theirs a big age gap, yes she wants her privacy, but she will need to learn that its not going to kill her or harm her in anyway to share. Your living arrangements match what you can afford her friends families may well be able to afford more. That's life.

Try not to feel upset, your living arrangements sound perfectly reasonable to me, many larger families will be in a bit more of a pickle in the sense that there will be three kids sharing, mixed sex siblings sharing etc. It could be a lot more awkward for her believe me!

I think u might want to investigate the origin of this.DD (who has scholarship to posh fee paying school) was recently told by "friend" that we live "like refugees" as we have clapped out car and cannot afford fancy holidays like her family..

Jane that’s awful got to love the new breed of self entitled children growing up they’ll only learn when they’re earning their own living and have to budget without support of parents my daughter was once uninvited from a party as we lived at the bottom of the hill and not the top can only assume we were considered beneath them literally !! Personally I think they did us a huge favour I’m perfectly happy raising a decent kind child who appreciates all we do for her and not some spoiled child who is mean to others in school and thinks they’re better than everyone else

She's not being unreasonable at all. Perfectly normal to want your own bedroom and to not have to share with a much younger sibling. No privacy at all for her. But you're doing the best you can and that is all you can do. I would sleep on the sofa myself and give them a bedroom each or put the 3 year old in my room. For someone to say 'why should an adult who pays all the bills be expected to have no privacy' is ridiculous to me. That isn't for a child to work out. I'd do it for my children and have done in the past. So put your 3 year old in your room with you. You say that is happening anyway so make it an official move.

svalentine, if you would honestly sleep on the sofa so your entitled child could have some privacy then more fool you.

Giving 2 children a bedroom each and then mum having to sleep on a sofa in the living room! Never heard such complete and utter rubbish.

Of course parent(s) should have their own room. Whether the child likes it or not it is the parent(s) who rent or have a mortgage on the home, that pay the bill and, perhaps more importantly, ARE THE ADULTS.

I really dread to think what some of the children of today are going to be like when they are adults. Spoilt, entitled brats I guess. I bet they won't be giving anything up for their children

Sorry if this has already been suggested - I haven't got time to read the full thread. But a friend of mine with 5 kids and only a 3-bed maisonette managed to make one room almost into two with carefully put up shelving from Ikea; not too expensive at all. Is that an option? If the lounge is the bigger room, you could consider doing it there or maybe do it in your room with your 3-year-old?

I have a 16-year-old. At 13 she would probably have tolerated sharing with a much younger sibling but at her age now with a boyfriend coming over, I wouldn't think it would work for anyone. And yes, I never thought I'd see the day when my dd had a boy in her room but it happens and it's better they're at home and safe than out at some random party or, like some of her mates, constantly in the park.

I think people use the word 'entitled' far too much on MN. Our kids are growing up in a totally different social world to the one we grew up in. I actually think it's way harder for them; not because of 'stuff' but because of the social pressures and constant media. That's another story of course. But I hate when people talk about "spoilt entitled brats." I don't have one of those but I do have a daughter who is affected by her peers and society.

I'm honestly finding some of the responses here baffling. I know times change but you are providing a safe and warm home and your children are loved. You all have to make the best of the situation you have and that does not mean you sleeping on the sofa, your eldest child treated like they are the most important person in the family or moving to a crap area so you can have more room. Sometimes the best thing you can do is accept the reality of your situation and this is what your daughter needs to do even if it's not ideal.

I shared for 18 years. Was horrible. She is just being a normal teenager. It is perfectly reasonable for her to want some privacy.

At this age they are yearning for space, their own area and solitude at times. It's the age gap of her little sister that is making her feel like she's still a child( which of course she is) but probably most of her friends have their own space. Of course she's a little bit ungrateful buy aren't they all at this age before reality kicks in.

She is just growing up, that's all.Kids say weird things. She has been 13 years on the planet. When she is older she will realise.
Just explain you are doing your best and remind her to look for the good stuff and not pick holes.

I don't think wanting your own room at that age is "entitled" or spoilt. Its not like demanding netflix or new clothes. As I said earlier anecdotally I don't know any family that has kids sharing bedrooms after the age of 13 (mine at state school) and even growing up myself only one family we knew had kids sharing throughout the teen years and even then we all thought that was really tough on them.

We judge what we have by comparison to our peers - if all her friends live in bigger houses and have their own bedrooms it is understandable that she is not happy with the current arrangements - nobody wants to be the odd one out at that age. This does not mean she is spoiled or ungrateful but nor does it mean that it is your fault - its just the way things are are at the moment.

Disfordarkchocolate, sensible post which I totally agree with.

Karala1, when I was young most of my friends had to share bedrooms. I only remember a couple of friends that didn't.

Even now, I now plenty of children that share. My neighbours either side have 3 children each in a 3 bed house. So, obviously 2 of the children have to share because their parents have one of the bedrooms. None of them are under 13.

I can only assume those of you who don't have children sharing or know of any children that share live in bigger houses and probably have more money

Short answer
YABU
Your DD isn't - she's simply a pubescent child on the brink of hormone driven existencr which we all go through. Perfectly designed by nature - we see our parents' shortcomings, develop our own selfish wants and needs, start on the path of disliking out embarrassing pate ts who don't understand anything - ever at all.

And that's normal. Your are completely justified to be upset however she's not acting spoilt or ungrateful. She's voicing her needs and wishes and wants and you need to get used to that. And if you want an easier life, it's worthwhile looking at how you react and interact with your each other. Listen to her and focus on her rather than how what she says makes you feel. That's on you - not her. DD is fast approaching the age where she should be, and will expect to be part of the decisions making pricess which affects her life too.

I could go on as there's loads more to say, however I'll finish by saying - I was with you until you mentioned the 'shed-cum-studio-cum-heated/carpeted space, followed by aggressive, rude answers and telling people to' piss off' and your thread does come across as you being quite self satisfying - even though it's clear you're not.

Tell her comparison is the thief of joy and that's just the way it is. Id look at bed options to give her some of her own space maybe (( high sleeper bed with tent set up )) but that's as far as id go. 3 year olds don't even use their bedrooms so I cant imagine she's under her.feet much.

My mum had big gaps in her 3 kids and had to remortgage and convert the garage because she didn't think it fair to impose think about it when she's 18 she's going to be 8 and sleeping in there by then I think that's a rough situation if you couldn't afford to get a bigger house why have another child what if the child was a boy?? They would no way be able to share then. I think yabu to not want her to moan about it. And it's not like she could ever have sleepover or anything now as her sister is in the way, your going to make her hate her sister. I had a hate for my younger brother when he was in my room for only 6 months while the garage was being finished off for my older brother lol 😂. I think 2 or 3 years gap fine to share at most anymore and your going to go through hell and fighting.

if you couldn't afford to get a bigger house why have another child what if the child was a boy??

If you’d read the thread, even the OP’s posts, you’d see that she lived in a 3 bed house when she had her second child and her circumstances have sadly changed (like anyone’s could).
And he’s not a boy, so it’s irrelevant.

TBH this really is just being a teenager.
I remember MY mother being so unreasonable AND unfair whilst I was in my teenage years growing up, because I couldn't have a 'Parka' like all my mates had

excuse me if this has been said before. I don't have time to read 31 pages. Have you thought about this being not much to do with the house and everything to do with being a teenager? Peer pressure is everything and she wants what her friends have. Being a teenager is not easy but one of the reasons they are often unhappy is biological. The part of the brain that deals with empathy is not working very well. Therefore the world centres around her and her need (perceived). She cannot think of others, ie you. The baby does not sleep in her room so it really is not an issue. You can try and explain if you like but she will have an answer for everything. I have brought up 4 and they all came out of teenagehood as lovely adults in the end. She just needs to know that you all would like a bigger house but this is the way it is. Aske her what she would suggest you do given that you can't afford to move. She cant help being selfish

I think in a 31 page thread you can safely assume that everything has been said before.

Everything in thus thread has been suggested a lot of times by a lot of different posters...

Update op?

What did you decide to do in the end?

OP just be grateful that your DD is only complaining about having her own room . My DB’s DGD13 is throwing strops as she has to share the family bathroom unlike her friend who has her own en-suite !

Oldbutstillgotit my friend used to complain her ds had the same issue. First world problems ey!

So many posters have suggested different solutions to op I’m curious what they’re going with.

I read a lot of posts and it took awhile for anyone to mention my first though (hope I don’t have a dirty mind!) that 13 dd is discovering her body or will be soon and other things which should be done in private in my opinion. I had major crushes at 11, practised kissing teddies at sleepovers hope op has thought of that issue that could crop up soon.