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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DIL gave granddaughter her mum's name as a middle name but second granddaughter my aunt's name?

165 replies

Colgate85 · 02/11/2018 06:17

Hi maybe I'm being completely unreasonable here. DIL and son have a daughter already and he middle name is DIL's mum's name. They just had their second daughter and told me we "wanted to honour you this time" and I was obviously very grateful and excited, but she went on to say we have used your aunt's name?

AIBU to be a little bit miffed how this is honouring me?

My son said they wanted both girls to share the same initial in the middle, which is why they did it but  that's fine but why the big song and dance about how it's honouring me.

OP posts:
Biancadelriosback · 02/11/2018 06:18

Did they not me "you" as in "your family" rather than you specifically?

HoppingPavlova · 02/11/2018 06:18

Let it go ......

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/11/2018 06:19

It’s honouring dses side of the family I suppose. Maybe they don’t like your name. It’s an odd thing to tell you that it’s to honour you though.

Original poster
Colgate85 · 02/11/2018 06:20

They definitely said to honour me.

DS never even met my aunt... so odd.

OP posts:
Ohheyyy · 02/11/2018 06:20

They don't have to honour you at all and they probably knew you'd be offended if they didn't use your name, given they used your DIL's mum's name last time, so they've made up some excuse about it honouring you by using your Aunt's instead.

YABU

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/11/2018 06:21

It’ll be a name thing. They like the aunts name, but not yours. They want to use s name for their dd they like.

RancidOldHag · 02/11/2018 06:23

You missed a coup,e of words from your thread title

It should be "DS and DIL

And yes, you need to let this go. Nothing good can possibly come from doing otherwise. But I can see why you are disappointed in your DS for apparently prioritising the initial over using one of the honourees actual names.

Original poster
Colgate85 · 02/11/2018 06:24

DS said "well it's what she wanted" hence I only said DIL in title.

I know they don't have to honour me and I never said they do.

OP posts:
accendo · 02/11/2018 06:24

My first daughter has my husband's grandmother's first name as her middle name because she was a wonderful loving woman and loved us all dearly. My 3rd daughter has my mother's middle name as her middle name because she is also wonderful. My MIL is a very self involved woman and it never crossed our minds to use her name.

Scrumptiousbears · 02/11/2018 06:25

I get your upset. He did kind of lead you to believe they were going to pick you name which was unkind. Pick you battles though if which there will probably be a few.

Cheby · 02/11/2018 06:26

I guess they don’t like your name or don’t think it suits their baby? If we had a boy we would have wanted to honour my late FIL, but his names were not ones we would have chosen at all for a baby so we picked something related but not his actual names.

Didn’t have a boy in the end but even though we didn’t choose his actual name, the sentiment of remembering FIL was still there, we were thinking of FIL when we chose the name, it would always have reminded us of FIL and everyone knew that’s why we picked it. So does it really matter if it’s not your exact name?

RollerJed · 02/11/2018 06:26

Dd1 has my sis middle name and dd2 has my dm middle name both as their middle names.

But SIL are godmother to my dc so I felt it was 'evened' out.

Agree with pp, I assume your ds had some say in the names?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/11/2018 06:28

Roller bet your in laws were pleased!

Op let it go, it’ll have made sense to them. But yanbu to feel a bit miffed after what they had said.

BikeRunSki · 02/11/2018 06:28

Let it go. They oribVky just liked the nane.
Dd’s name is (deliberately) an anagram if my Mil’s name. It’s a seer nane that suits her down to the ground and it’s lije being named after her grandma but having your own nane too.
My DM got really grumpy about this! (Even though we already had a DS named after her brother) - despite her name being long and full of consonants and not lending itself to variations or anagrams at all.

The birth of a grandchild should be a joyous occasion. Don’t let her name spoil it! In a few weeks to e that nane will “be her”.

FATEdestiny · 02/11/2018 06:32

That is unkind.

I like my Mums name as a name, it's beautiful and classic and I'd have loved to use it as a middle name. However I didn't because although I love my MIL dearly, I don't like her name as a name.

I wouldn't want to offend my MIL so used neither name for either of my two daughters. There were plenty of other beautiful, classic names to choose from.

claraschu · 02/11/2018 06:33

Whose last name do the children have?
Perhaps they are honouring the babies' dad's side of the family by using his last name?

Alfie190 · 02/11/2018 06:34

They shouldn’t have said anything about honouring you, they have just picked a name they like. I am disturbed that you blame this on your DIL not your son though, I am sure he could have spoken up if he wanted too.

JellycatElfie · 02/11/2018 06:34

What is your name out of interest?

Original poster
Colgate85 · 02/11/2018 06:35

Actually the surnames of the children are double barrelled! As they double barrelled when they got married for "fairness" so I don't know, I don't mind that they used a different name, just don't like that they think it honours me. It was my AUNT!

OP posts:
WitchyMcWitchface · 02/11/2018 06:35

Yes, DS said name DD2 after his DM, DIL didn'tlike the name enough so chose aunts which she did like.

needsanewname · 02/11/2018 06:36

I honestly don't get honouring people with names.. there's 15 children in my family and not one of them has an aunt or grandparent etc. name. A couple of boys have John, Jack or James which also happen to be members of family too but they're just nice solid names.

That being said, my mum and MIL have the most 60s dated names ever and I wouldn't dream of using them!

It was an odd thing to say but I think you just need to accept that they think they've done a nice thing and move on.

Sleephead1 · 02/11/2018 06:36

I think some names just don't work that well as a middle bake I'm guessing they felt some pressure to honour you but don't like your name or feel it works with first name so have tried to come up with something

Blanchedupetitpois · 02/11/2018 06:37

It’s a bit weird that they said they were honouring you. Maybe they just meant that they’ve picked a name from each side of the family but expressed it clumsily.

Is it worth being upset about, or just something to let go?

cakecakecheese · 02/11/2018 06:38

It's an odd way of 'honouring' you as it's your aunts name and not yours but the thought is kind of there I suppose.

RollerJed · 02/11/2018 06:38

@ThroughThickAndThin01 🤷‍♀️

My dsis wanted to be GM but got named after instead. It's not up to others how I live my life.

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