DIL gave granddaughter her mum's name as a middle name but second granddaughter my aunt's name?

[Colgate85]

Hi maybe I'm being completely unreasonable here. DIL and son have a daughter already and he middle name is DIL's mum's name. They just had their second daughter and told me we "wanted to honour you this time" and I was obviously very grateful and excited, but she went on to say we have used your aunt's name?

AIBU to be a little bit miffed how this is honouring me?

My son said they wanted both girls to share the same initial in the middle, which is why they did it but  that's fine but why the big song and dance about how it's honouring me.

Get over it.

Massive overreacting that risks undermining your relationships if you don’t realise how silly you are being.
It’s a name. A middle name that nobody will use. It’s their choice. It isn’t honouring or insulting anyone. It’s just a middle name they like.
Move on.

They probably don't like your name. They should have been honest from the start though.

I understand where you’re coming from. We wanted to give our children family middle names. DD1 had my mums name, DD2 had my husbands mums name and DS1 had both mine and my husbands dad’s names as we knew he was going to be our last. I think my mil and fil would have been upset if we had just used names from my side of the family. That said, I hope you don’t let it bother you too much. The likelihood is that they really liked your Aunts name and that played a factor in their choice.

Cherry can you read? OP said they told her, she didn’t ask, that the name is to ‘honour’ her. Their words not OP’s. Of course he’s a bit miffed.

It’s a name. A middle name that nobody will use. It’s their choice. It isn’t honouring or insulting anyone. It’s just a middle name they like.

But OP was told that it was honouring her - she didn't make it up or expect it of her own accord! If they'd just announced the name and then she'd been annoyed it didn't include her name then she'd be being unreasonable. But they explicitly said it was a name to honour her, and then picked an essentially unconnected name! If someone named a baby after one of my aunts I don't think I'd even notice the coincidence, let alone think of it as 'honouring' (whatever the hell that means) me.

Obviously at this point OP should just smile, say it's a nice name and hope they never bring up the honouring again, but I do think they've behaved oddly.

AIBU to be a little bit miffed how this is honouring me?

How on earth is that a massive overreaction CherryPavlova?

The OP's son hasn't even met the aunt he named his DD after fgs.

I see this all the time on Mumsnet, actually. "What do you think of the name Ferdinand? It is very meaningful to us because DH had a great uncle Frederick who died before her was born, and we want to honour him by using a similar name."

Yes, I've seen it on the name boards and find it baffling - 'we're naming him Evan after my dad John' - yeah, that is not 'named after' in any meaningful sense. Perhaps 'inspired by', at best.

I don’t understand whether it’s a lack of comprehension skills on here or just a desire to be —nasty to— opposite to the OP.

But she hasn’t said she minded, or expected them to use her name!

She’s just pointing out that the choice is actually nothing to do with her at all - so why say it is?

Please let it go. It’s a tiny non-issue not worth bothering about. They don’t like your name Gertrude! They prefer Aunty Emily’s. They’ve just picked a name they like from your side of the family. Say to them, oh how lovely that Aunty Emily lives on in DD. Or some other such rubbish!

My mum's name is Margaret and although it's not my cup of tea if we'd have had a girl instead of ds we would have used it.I think they are being a bit unfair on you.

They were worried you'd be disappointed they didn't use your name so tried to soften it by saying it's been taken from your family.

They don't like you name, doesn't mean they don't like you. Let it go.

This kind of thing is why I told parents and PILs that we weren't going to use any family names for the children when I was pregnant with my first - they all have their own name that we chose because we liked it.

I'm wondering what OP's name is. I have my grandmother's name as a middle name. It's a classic, short 1920s name and my grandmother was an amazing woman. However, as a child (pretty much until leaving school) I dreaded people finding out what it was. I'm early 30s so grew up in a generation where everyone has Louise as a middle name and had the piss ripped out of me everytime someone found out my middle name.

As an adult, I couldn't care less. No one uses middle names in day to day life beyond naming a baby and my grandmother was an amazing woman so I can see it for the sentiment that it was intended with now. Didn't make my school years easy though!

They've chosen a name from your side of family, probably don't like your actual name. Cannot see anything to be annoyed about. I imagine they probably didn't want to upset you by saying they didn't like your name. Given your reaction they were probably right.

Its a nice gesture, if I was you I'd say 'lovely', enjoy your GC and stop looking to be offended.

BrokenWing - Don’t make up nasty assumptions. There’s nothing in the OP that suggests OP wanted her name used BEFORE they approached her to tell her so.

Also to you and all the other posters that keep saying to OP, ‘they don’t like your name’, I hope you get some tiny pleasure from being spiteful, because yes, that’s what that is emphasising to someone that ther DS and DIL do not like heir name. You lives must be so miserable.

This is why I wouldn't use family names when we were naming our children, I'd let it go

RelicHunter - are you ok? not sure if you are having a bad morning or it the post has hit a nerve but you are way over reacting........

I never said or implied the OP wanted her name used, It is not a huge assumption to suggest they didnt like the OPs name so chose another one. Doesn't mean OP has a horrible name, just not their cup of tea for whatever reason.

They would have been kinder not using any of the mothers names. They knew what the OP was called when they chose DILs mums name so imo were short sighted in naming the first DD after her.

@GunpowderGelatine exactly what I thought! DS is either very tactless or a wuss who doesn't want to upset DMummy … yes they are not 'honouring' you, but I can't imagine it's a deliberate slight. I really think they just don't like your name that much. I don't particularly like my DM's name, but her DSis's name is lovely. My friend's DMs are called Mavis and Sharon - can't imagine they would be in a hurry to use those. I'd let it go - the only mistake they BOTH made is making out you're being honoured.

If it was my kids I would take it as "keeping a Gelatine family name going" as honouring me 🤷‍♀️

And yes OP needs to realise her son is an adult and can't blame the upset on his wife. Very unfair of him indeed

The idea of 'honouring' people is so teeth-clenchingly cheesy anyway that I really don't think you need to worry about it.

That’s sort of how I see it. I don’t understand this obsession with honouring people. We gave our children names we liked. Neither grandparent feels any less loved because of it. In fact both my DM and DGM hate their names so I can’t imagine what they would have thought if I’d have named my DC after them.

Usually it means the child ends up with some awful old fashioned name. Poor baby Mavis saddled with a terrible name.

DS said "well it's what she wanted" hence I only said DIL in the title

He clearly said this to deflect the blame onto her. Don't make the mistake of resenting only her - this is exactly how poor MIL/DIL relationships start

accendo

My MIL is a very self involved woman and it never crossed our minds to use her name.

I'm sure that made the OP feel so much better.