DIL gave granddaughter her mum's name as a middle name but second granddaughter my aunt's name?

[Colgate85]

Hi maybe I'm being completely unreasonable here. DIL and son have a daughter already and he middle name is DIL's mum's name. They just had their second daughter and told me we "wanted to honour you this time" and I was obviously very grateful and excited, but she went on to say we have used your aunt's name?

AIBU to be a little bit miffed how this is honouring me?

My son said they wanted both girls to share the same initial in the middle, which is why they did it but  that's fine but why the big song and dance about how it's honouring me.

They like your aunt’s name but they’re not keen on yours. They think it’s honouring you as they have picked from your side of the family. I’m with you though, it’s not honouring you. I’d just give them the ‘aye right then’ face and forget about it. They’re daft.

I think they were perhaps conscious you might have felt left out. It's only a middle name.

From the way you're reacting I'm guessing they were stressing about not using your name and knew you'd react badly so have tied themselves in knots coming up with some convoluted rationale to try not to upset you which obviously hasn't worked. I think you need to take the higher ground and tell them thank you and what a lovely name and move on. This is a minor blip and shouldn't be over thought.

Ok, that was a bit mean / thoughtless of him to say it like that to you.

But, here’s the likely facts. DIL has always wanted to give her DD her mums name as a middle name. DS didn't mind the name and was happy to go with it.
Maybe they even talked about how if they had a boy next he’d have DS’s dads name as a middle one.

Then they had a 2nd girl, what to do? Can’t use granddads name and in truth, on an objective basis, they don’t really like your name.
They love you but it’s just not a name they’d choose so they found a name on your side they like, it gives the girls matching initials and they’re hoping that’s a nice balance for the family’s.

Not much you can really say about it other than ‘congratulations, beautiful names’.
If DS asks are you pleased then you can say, ‘well I was pretty confused as to why you said it’s honouring me but I like DDs name and you have two lovely girls now, cup of tea?’

YABU you’ve had your opportunity to name kids, they can do what they like, things change, let it go, never mention it again, your relationship with them and the granddaughter matters way more than a middle name that will never be used except as an initial when the bank statement comes.

And whatever your son said to you, he’s ultimately happy with it or would have said something to her.

Lol. Reminds me of my sister. I gave dd1 her name as a middle name. V nice name and it was also linked to my paternal aunt.
When she had a dd she said she was going to give her my name as a middle name but she didn't like it so gave her her own middle name instead.
Well, if you can't be blunt with your sister who can you be?.

mimi's post makes a lot of sense.

Yanbu, this is not honouring you. Why say they would honour you if they weren’t using your name? Makes no sense.

YABU. They don't have to give your name at all, I don't want to sound awful but is it a name that wouldn't go well with a modern first name (eg Brenda, Maureen etc)?

I understand why you're miffed, but I'd just let it go. My son has my dad's name as a middle name, my daughter has my grandma's name as a middle name. Unfortunately I really don't like my mum's name (and my grandma was a huge inspiration to me). It wasn't done to upset my mum, and I'm sure that your DS and DiL didn't want to upset you - they're using a name from your family history to honour the part you play in their lives.

Sounds like DS knows that you know it's not honouring you?

I would just leave it, but yes, they do sound like they want credit for honouring you when they haven't.

If they bring it up again, say what Mimi said.

DS said "well it's what she wanted" hence I only said DIL in title how spineless convenient. I can tell you where you're going wrong OP.

YABU to pin it solely on DIL: your DS agreed with the choice, and then told you it was his wife’s decision! That doesn’t reflect well on him.

You’ve said you wouldn’t have been offended about them not using your name. Agree with PPs that they probably just dislike the name.

YANBU to be annoyed at the silly suggestion that using a family member’s name is “honouring you”!

We gave m DS my grandad's name as a middle name and for our DD, We gave her my great aunt's middle name ... because I liked those names and they were in the family somewhere. Nothing more than that. Don't overthink it. Let it go. Don't comment. I would have been very annoyed if my MIL had said anything. In fact, she said she thought I'd chosen lovely names (because she's a lovely lady herself)

Off topic but why do people want the exact same initial for their DC? Won’t it be confusing when post arrives for “Miss X Y Smith-Jones”? I think that’s what my bank statements etc say. And what will they abbreviate their names to on a calendar or something?

Ohhh it’s just the same middle initial. I’ll calm down about the bank statements. Sorry.

It'll be all about the name, good intentions are behind this, I think.

However, having two people in the house. the same sex, with the same two initials and surname, is going to be a nightmare, especially when they're young adults/adults.

DS and DH have the same first initial and they're constantly opening each other's post.

I think there are good intentions here too. They don't think your name works but have assumed you'd wish to be "honoured" also, so have just found a name on your side of the family they like and then they have come up with this story to save your feelings.

I wouldn't make a song and dance about it or think any more about it.

Oh ffs get over it

My dm never met her gc and I loved her dearly.
We used her name to honour and remember her.
Infact reading this I'm gutted I didn't use her other name for second dd 😕😢. How silly of me.

Op I know what you mean though it was probably the honour fan fare that came with it... sounds silly to me.
Giving names for family members purely to get an initial ... But you can't say anything

Both my babies have middle names relating to my side of them family, their last name is the same as my husbands family.

I think you just need to let this go, they can name their child whatever they want and they probably liked your sister so name so thought you’d appreciate it being someone on your families side.

It’s a very odd thing to say, perhaps they’re not very bright.

On the name front then it is a case of get over it.

The big disengenous fuss abiut 'honouring' someone only to use a name for someone they've never met would irritate me because the whole carry on was fake and not needed.

*disingenuous