Friend lost her 4 year old for an hour and didn't notice. AIBU to not leave DS with her for birthday party?

[PenelopeA]

This might be seen as extremely bitchy but honestly I'm a bit flabbergasted! She has a daughter who is 4. Was at home "doing bits and bobs" (her words) and thought daughter was in living room on tablet. An hour later police knock on the door saying they had found her daughter wandering around corner shop trying to take sweets for half an hour alone. I don't know the ins and outs of everything as she only told me the story. Apparently she had a big meeting with social services and they said they don't believe she's at risk at all.

DS is due to go there for a birthday party (he's 7 and it's for her eldest son). I'm a bit uncomfortable about it now tbh and don't really want to let him go!!! AIBU? I can't imagine not noticing my 4 year old leaving the house and not being there for an hour.

I doubt your 7yo is going to be at risk when attending a birthday party along with other children.

I can see how it would be possible to get engrossed in doing stuff and not notice that things have gone a bit quiet, especially if you have left your child doing a quiet activity. She didn't intentionally put her child in a risky position and i am sure it won't ever happen again.

I'd have thought that if SS think there's no risk then she's proven to them that she's learned her lesson. She probably didn't expect her four year old to go wandering out of the house. My DS did it once and got as far as the garden gate before DD snitched on him, I didn't hear the door open as it was a quiet latch/smooth hinges but it gave me enough of a jump to make sure after that it was always locked and the keys hung up out of his reach.

Your DS is 7yo, old enough to know not to wander off.

I think you are being a bit ott and judgemental. Poor woman was probably devastated when she realised. Everyone makes mistakes and shes not the first parent to leave, forget or lose a child.

It Happens! when I was 5 I had friend over and we lived in a farm house in the country and we were moving to a bigger house down the road and I decided to walk over there with my friend! It happens cut her some slack!

I actually know 3 different people it happened too. Unless you decide to always be in the same room as your child until they are 12, or to check on them every 20 minutes, it sometimes just happens.

If you are worried, why don't you stay at the party with him and give your friend some support on the day

I imagine your son will be safe as I expect she’ll be on her best behaviour from now on- but I agree it’s pretty poor parenting.

It’s not like she even noticed the kid was gone. How long would she have left it? 2 hours? 5?!

I lost DS on holiday once too and didn't even realise until a security guard brought him back to me, sobbing his little heart out and with a handful of sweets from the giftshop that the security guard had given him to try calm him down. I thought he was with DH and DH thought he was with me, turns out the poor kid was wandering around the gift shop for over thirty minutes on his own before staff realised he didn't belong to any of the customers there.

At 7 and during a birthday party I would hope that my ds had the sense to stay with the party. Unless my ds had SN or the party involved trekking across London on the underground I think he would be fine. If he does have SN then maybe volunteer to lend a hand and be an extra pair of eyes.

Unless your kids a flight risk I don't see a risk but you could always ask to stay and help if you're nervous

My sister got woken up by a knock on her door at 4am one morning to find the police there with her 4yr old - he had got up in the night, come downstairs, climbed on a chair and opened the door and the police (thankfully)found him at the bus stop where he was "waiting for the bus to take him to his friends house.

She was mortified and had to change the locks to ones that needed a key to open.

Your 7 year old will be fine! I have 4 kids, my 3rd one got out of the house once, he tried to get into a neighbours van... I hadn’t noticed... he had used a broom to get the keys from a high hook above the door, and opened the door with them... he was 3!!! I was mortified... I am a perfectly adequate parent and work in the health profession... mistakes can happen!

My 2 year old decided to explore outside one time (house locks itself from outside but not inside so i wasnt always in tbe habit of locking it as the house was secure). I had nipped upstairs to get changed, i happened to look outside as i saw a black flash accross the road and realised it was my dog. I assumed he had escaped the back garden so opened the window to holler at him to come back only to realise he was following DS around from garden to garden as he merrily rang my neighbours doorbells!
Ive never moved so fast downstairs and accross the road starkers apart from some granny pants and my pj top.
Thankfully DS ringing doorbells had made enough of a fuss that about half the street saw me in all my glory 🤦‍♀️
That was a tough lesson in always locking the front door...so it does happen OP

Big difference between 4&7, he'll be fine. I can see how it can happen, I caught dd trying to escape many times - but we were open plan so no chance, she would even go and fetch keys from the bedroom and unlock the door - I got in the habit of having my keys in my pocket/bag on me at all times!

As kids didn't we all get lost/become separated from our parents at least once? I don't know anyone who hasn't.

7 yos are very different from 4 yos. Your ds will be fine. She will have learnt a big lesson from this.

I can’t see many 7 year olds just walking off when they’re supposed to be at a party. Unless your DS has any additional needs that you’ve neglected to mention then just tell him to stay put (it shouldn’t really need saying but just to reinforce the point if you’re worried) and job done.

YANBU.

This might be seen as extremely bitchy but honestly I'm a bit flabbergasted! So be bitchy and flabbergasted then!

Kids wander. I know my parents wouldn't always have missed me, I was a solitary child, read a lot, played quietly. I know a couple of people who had the fright of the r lives when their child was returned to them, having wandered off - neither of them had any idea said child was not in the house!

Thankfully SS are sensible about such stuff and don't make the parents of child adventurers feel like total failures!

But if you really think that your 7 year old will catch the 'gone missing' bug at their house, best not to send him to the party!

My DS was about that age when he went off to the local shop by himself to get sweets! He didn't have any money so I don't know how he thought he'd pay for them! But my hairdressers was next door and luckily the hairdresser saw him and brought him back. These things happen.

I remember when I was a child I climbed over the fence to play with the boy next door and my mum had no idea.

My DS (age 3) has also wandered off, he walked alone to his playschool (five mins away), a seven year old should be fine.

These things happen.

Apparently when I was a baby my mum took me to the shops in the pram and left me in the pram outside the store while she shopped (not unusual then). When she got home dad asked where I was and she realized she'd walked home without me (or the pram). She never forgot again though.

I'm in the minority here but I don't think YABU at all!!

A neighbour (rural area - quite a distance away) arrived at the door carrying my naked 2 year old DD whom he had found up the road. I thought she was playing in the properly fenced garden - in fact she had burrowed her way out under the fence like a puppy!